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Should we have a third?

(8 Posts)
Whoami24601 Fri 07-Oct-16 22:03:13

DH would definitely love a third baby. We said when we started that we would have 4. I, on the other hand, am not sure.

We have 2 beautiful, healthy children. A boy (1) and a girl (4). They get on so well at the minute I don't know how their relationship would cope with an extra baby.

After DD was born, I had a serious NEED for another child. I lost sleep over when that would be. I had to give her a sibling. This time I don't have that same urge. Not that I don't want a baby, just that it's not essential to my emotional wellbeing.

We tried long and hard for our 2 - we have spent a total of 4 1/2 years already in the TTC hell. Can I cope again? I really don't know!

The thing that really pushes me is that my sister has aspergers. I had a hard time growing up. Things were very uncertain for a long time. The only reason I'm still sane is due to the fact that I had another sister to share the experience with. I worry that if one of my two is difficult, then the other will be on their own dealing with that. I feel like it would be selfish to deny my children that if I can provide it.

I really don't know what to do! I need all the advice I can get! Apologies if this is a bit disjointed- alcohol may possibly have been consumed grin


JammieDodgem Fri 07-Oct-16 22:06:08

Does it have to be a definite decision right now? Can you let the dust settle a bit and see how you feel?

Whoami24601 Fri 07-Oct-16 22:10:51

I just feel, with our history, that the decision needs to be made sooner rather than later. Our quickest baby took 21 months to conceive!

daisydalrymple Fri 07-Oct-16 22:21:23

We have 3, ds1 and dd absolutely adore their baby brother, he's two in a couple of weeks. Watching their relationships develop is wonderful. ( I am a nervous wreck and have never experienced anything like the terrible twos he's going through!!! )

We wouldn't be without him though and I know I would forever more have yearned after no.3 had we not been lucky enough to have him. He's a little character. (Definitely not one of these 'oh the third just slots in and gets on with it' though grin - he makes his presence and thoughts very known!!)

FourToTheFloor Fri 07-Oct-16 22:29:15

It doesn't sound like you want a 3rd, just that maybe you should for your dc. I don't think that will see you through the tough times (sleepless nights, terrible twos/threes). It's trotted out a lot on mm you never regret the dc which l do agree but you can most definitely regret the situation.

Felascloak Fri 07-Oct-16 22:34:29

I have 3, I was desperate for my third, I love him to bits and wouldn't be without him. HOWEVER I do now think how much easier our lives would be if we stopped at 2. My elder ones are pretty independent but the youngest still needs loads of help. Everything is expensive. People don't want to babysit 3.
I would say if you aren't really broody don't do it.
I understand what you are saying abput your kids but - What if your older 2 turn out fine and the third has some kind of issue?

bramblina Fri 07-Oct-16 22:35:46

We have 3. We had 2 brilliant, perfectly healthy, lovely kids but I'm slightly different in that I really wanted a third yet knew it was unnecessary, a risk (I was 35), dh works abroad for 5 days and it can be quite difficult, yet at the same time I was worried that it would upset the balance. Both dh and I are from families of 3 children but I don't feel this had any input really.

Ds was 7, dd 4 when ds2 born, and while it was tricky trying to balance it all (we came home on day 1, dh had to go to work on day 2 and it was 4 weeks from Christmas) I did wonder what I had done. Dh was happy at 2 or three, he left the decision to me as most of the responsibility would land at my feet really.

Ds2 will be 4 in November and although I can look at dcs 1 & 2 and imagine life with just them- it would be calmer, more peaceful and I would have a lot more time to sit with them and do more activities etc with them (slightly more 1-1 etc). But, for all the chaos that ds2 brought with him I am glad that this is how our children live- they are very adaptable, used to having to consider more than just themselves or one other, they know they are part of a good sized team, and most importantly I know that when dh and I are gone, it will not only be one brother and one sister looking out for each other- I am so glad that I did make this decision, and it's mostly for them in later life. As I said we both have 2 siblings, and although we have very different mixes of support etc from the siblings we have, I am so glad I can pull whatever support I need from the different one, less so for dh as his are both numpties but I'd rather have 2 numpties to rely on than just one grin

3, it's the magic number wink

Jojay Fri 07-Oct-16 22:45:07

We went for a much wanted no 3 but ended up with no 3&4. Just saying.....

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