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Thinking of going for 4th at 42... total madness?

(17 Posts)
MylaMimi Sat 27-Aug-16 00:59:37

Just that really. Have got three wonderful DCs (3DDs) but I always felt I wasn't finished after the birth of the last DD who is now 3.
I am physically fit, we are financially sound, we have arranged all the practicalities for the DDs in case of various what-if scenarios in life.
Most of the time things roll fairly well with the three DCs. With that I feel that we could likely manage 4, but is our pottering along ok with 3 going to turn into chaos with 4?!
Anyone gone for their 4th later in life and wished they hadn't? Or found it to be the best thing ever?

meowli Sat 27-Aug-16 01:19:00

Anyone gone for their 4th later in life and wished they hadn't?

No, but I would have gone for it if I'd been able to. Unfortunately didn't have no.3 until I was 45! One of the three best things I ever did. You've got time for 2 more!

MylaMimi Sat 27-Aug-16 01:21:49

Thanks meowli smile
Do you think you feel (even) more knackered due to age though?

lousylear Sat 27-Aug-16 08:47:29

I'm 41 and trying for #4! 3 kids 12,10,8. #1 with new partner. Cd33, 10dpo. No sign of AF. FX.

Charlieismydarlin Sat 27-Aug-16 08:50:18

I would jump at the chance. We have three and I'm 41. Desperate for a fourth but DH isn't plus life is getting easier and o can see that.

But I would do it in a heartbeat! Good luck!!

NickyEds Sat 27-Aug-16 08:51:23

I think if you want them and can afford them you should have them! I would love a third but have a dp who doesn'tsad

notquiteruralbliss Sat 27-Aug-16 08:54:07

I did it and have absolutely no regrets. DC4 is now 14. Having 4 isn't that different to 3 apart from the needing a bigger car thing.

Alibaba2 Sat 27-Aug-16 08:55:34

Hi Myla, I would go for it as you might regret it otherwise. You will always wonder 'what if'.

We 'ummed and ahhed' about ttc#3 for a good year then half-heartedly ttc for 9 months, until I turned 40. We gave up, fell pg, had a MC, we're now ttc again and this time properly!

I was so worried about OH's doubts (even though he said he was fully on board) but now I'm just going for it.

meowli Sat 27-Aug-16 15:53:34

No, I can honestly say that it didn't leave me feeling knackered, quite the reverse - kind of invigorated! But we had quite a large gap between our first two and number three, so I didn't have any littlies to look after. But your youngest will be 4ish, if you have another? Pretty perfect timing, as she'll be about to embark on school. Anyway, I think energy can be affected by state of mind, and you sound pretty positive about it to me! smile

MrsBobDylan Sun 28-Aug-16 17:46:59

I'm about to start TTC no.4 and I'm 43. No idea if it'll happen as some things have changed fertility wise since no.3 but I've ummed and ahhhed quite long enough and we're giving it a go!

Others are 8,6 and 2. We've got the room in the house and already have the bigger car. A large part of me thinks we must be crackers but part of the motivation for me was dh who for the first time(!) has 'the urge' for a baby grin.

Ninasimoneinthemorning Sun 28-Aug-16 17:50:32

😱😱😱😱😱 <- this is actually my face right now!

I'm 37 and 30 weeks with dd3 was fit pre pregnancy. My body is too old for this shit, this pregnancy has finished me off!

I think your one crazy lady!

MylaMimi Thu 01-Sep-16 22:42:12

Just coming back to this thread!

Thanks all smile

nina I am pretty active, I'm still springy in my bones so I don't feel my age (yet). I suffered more with DD1 and DD2 because I was a bit overweight, but lost it in time for DD3 and kept it off. That has made a huge difference.

I just don't know what to do. When things are calm and the DCs are all playing nicely, I think "Yep - definitely could have another one!" But when things are tough I think "It's crazy - three is crazy already!"

I dunno....

I am good at not worrying about what others think on most things, but I know we will likely be judged by all and sundry for having another one, if we do. My parents will think we are mad, my friends are already shock/horror that we have three instead of one or two, so having four... I'd never hear the end of it. I fear that going to events like family occasions or christenings or meals will be hell because of the squabbling - if you have 2 DCs then it's fairly easy to separate them, not so easy with 3 and how do you do it with 4?! I worry that people will be looking out for us to fail. And maybe with good reason, it can't be easy having 4?

Also I KNOW there will be a lot of people going on about the fact we have 3 DDs and the inevitable "are you hoping for a DS" or "Are you doing this just to get a DS" will keep rolling in. And what if it is another DD? We would be fine with that but I know people will comment and some will pity us because of course we must have wanted a DS and just got another DD instead, oh bad luck. (Actually we would love a DS but would be totally happy to have a 4th DD. People will only think we want a DS or nothing though, I guess).

lousylear Fri 02-Sep-16 06:02:07

AF has arrived for me. But definitely trying again this cycle. I am nearly 42 now however I am fit and healthy, I run 3 times a week and walk lots too. My DD are 12 and 10 and DS 8. They are desperate for a sibling. Some of their friends at school have just had new siblings. I have a new partner with no kids, who after stressing when we thought I was pg is now upset I'm not and he now really wants a baby. FX for cycle #2, ttc #4.

Alibaba2 Fri 02-Sep-16 06:59:42

Hi again Myla,

I totally know where you're coming from but try to switch off from thinking about what other people will think and say. Some people do make comments initially but sometimes it's out of jealousy.

Don't let that affect your decision though. It's none of their business and they will get used to it. Some people have 3 or more kids - they'll get over it!

MrsBobDylan Fri 02-Sep-16 08:15:17

I think to not try because of what other random people will say would be the worst reason of all.

People always have an opinion about everything. You having a fourth baby doesn't affect their lives so while they are entitled to make a passing comment, you don't have to pay it any heed.

I've three boys and I always get the 'did you want a DD?' question but it doesn't bother me as I've never been bothered about gender.

Some people make heavy weather of having one or two children, as though it's the hardest thing in the world. I feel as though we've already accepted that it's a big job and we just get on with it and try to have fun along the way.

Do it if you want to. Don't not do it because of what other people think and choose for themselves.

Love your 'springy bones' btwgrin

Bubblebloodypop Fri 02-Sep-16 08:22:23

Have you thought about the possibility on conceiving multiples? It does happen and might be worth a thought.

lousylear Fri 02-Sep-16 08:37:22

Ha. I have 2 friends who had twins in their forties. Taking them from 2-4 kids overnight. They do say it's more common having multiples in your forties. Personally it wouldn't bother me, going from 3-4 or 5 wouldn't make that much difference really. Would need a bigger car anyway. My other kids are older and would love having 2 babies to look after even more than 1! I'll be knackered anyway I reckon however many I have! I would just like to actually get pg. only on cycle #2 and I'm stressed already! Fx for us all.

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