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TTC #2 and on 3rd MC. How do you keep going?

(9 Posts)
m33r Sat 13-Aug-16 07:24:15

Just that really. Took us 20 months to conceive DS 1 then 9 months to conceive again (but bf-ing 6 months of that). I then MC in Feb, cp in June and am in the midst of another MC now. I am not ok and just wondered how others keep going? I am exhausted and just terribly terribly sad. TIA

DrMum83 Mon 15-Aug-16 13:46:50

Oh god, I'm so so sorry to read this. flowers

I have had two miscarriages around the 8 weeks mark either side of a normal pregnancy resulting in my DD (age 19m)
We are desperate for another.
I think the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that my body can do it (sustain a pregnancy) and I keep telling myself it's only a matter of time.
As horrible as it sounds, I try to look upon my miscarriages as Mother Nature helping in a situation where things weren't well and actually, it was my body doing a good job of preventing the pregnancy continuing when things ultimately would not have been sustainable. I hope that doesn't upset you.

I think you have every right to feel upset and also so so sad. It may be worth seeing your GP given you have had three consecutive miscarriages as they may refer you for some tests.

How old is your DS?

m33r Mon 15-Aug-16 21:28:26

My DS is 16 months. I sometimes do take some peace in thinking my little beans were just never going to make it and also that there is another little baby I will get and s/he will be exactly who was meant for us ... And other times I am just consumed with sadness and lose all hope. I am going tomorrow to check that I have miscarried completely and donMt need medical intervention. 😢 How long have you been trying for #2?

DrMum83 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:48:59

So we started ttc in Jan and I got my bfp in feb but had medical management for a mmc at the beginning of May. I'm now in the tww of my second 'normal' cycle since. That's one of the shit things about miscarriages, it's the waiting for your body to adjust itself and recover (not to mention the psychological aspect of things)

How many weeks were you this time? I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can, it's just so bloody cruel. Have you got many ppl around supporting you?

m33r Tue 16-Aug-16 19:12:22

I was 7 weeks but baby stopped growing at 6. Same as in Feb. Can't imagine how awful a Mmc is. Went ok today with no medical intervention required but she recommend using condoms this month which just seems so counter intuitive! X

DrMum83 Tue 16-Aug-16 21:26:46

Glad today went as well as it could have. Have you stopped bleeding now?
Yeh, so frustrating when they ask you not to get pregnant for a cycle or two. As far as I'm aware, there's no medical reason for this aside from being able to accurately date a future pregnancy if you've had a normal period..

littlepooch Tue 16-Aug-16 21:33:57

Hugs. It is so hard. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I have just gone through my third miscarriage. I have DD who is 9 months and who was born between MCs 2 and 3. It took us 15 months to conceive her so when I fell pregnant quickly this time we were over the moon and it was then snatched away so cruelly. I had an ERPC this time which just prolonged the horror. I sway between wanting to try again to being terrified to and wanting to protect myself from having to go through it all again. I so desperately want a sibling for DD though.

Hope today was ok. I agree, I imagine it would feel so weird to use birth control x

m33r Wed 17-Aug-16 21:37:54

Still getting some brown spotting. Not did a pg test yet - last time it took ages to go negative!

I'm the same. The first day of MC I decided that was it for us as I couldn't take anymore then my mum just said 'do you want baby m33r to be an only child then?'. It just made me sad (and gave me a bit of rage).

I don't know what to do about this month. Maybe concentrate on DH and I but how the hell do you forget everything you know about cycles etc...

It is just so very very hard X

PepsiPenguins Wed 17-Aug-16 21:51:25

So sorry for your loses flowers

You just have to keep going, and it really is very bloody difficult. I have not been able to forget about cycles so each time we end up trying again, even if I have sat shaking my head saying never again when going through it.

I've had 7 miscarriages, with no live births - mostly chemicals but they still are very hard to cope with. My longer pregnacies have been the hardest physically, emotionally it is all encompassing.

I have got angry, I've got very numb but mostly I am just very sad. For me i just keep telling myself that this WILL happen for me, and when it does all this heartache and pain will not be forgotten but it will ease.

I think you have to forgive people who don't understand, they say stupid stupid things that make you want to scream but it's just because they don't understand, unless they have been through multiple miscarriages themselves, forgiving them stops you from being angry which just adds to the pain IMO.

I'm told it gets better smile I read lots of stories of hope, and I know of a lady who had 19 who now has a beautiful baby. This helps me to keep positive and think that the final outcome will very much be worth going through this. I also have a therapist who keeps me saine and offers me the opportunity to have a good cry, letting it out is good.

For now, I think all you can do is to be kind to yourself and kind to each other, my DP deals with it differently to me and this of course is an entirely separate thing to cope with.

For now just be kind to yourself flowers and I'm so so sorry it's happening to you

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