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Feeling guilty TTC 1 month into new job

(7 Posts)
Lucinda15 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:23:33

I have been in a job I dnt like very much for about 2-3 years. I knew I wanted to find something else but hung on to the job for a year while we waited to be a bit more financially stable before TTC #2 just over a year ago. In that time I have had 3 miscarriages. The last one was in March, and since then we have been been on a break from TTC while we have investigations. I really felt I needed to focus on other things and decided that I can't put my life on hold anymore. I applied for a new job, which I started 3 weeks ago. I feel it's been a good move and I'm enjoying it. It's clear though that they are desperate for some help, my role has been vacant for 4 months and there is a huge backlog to get through.

but our miscarriage investigations are now complete and we will be TTC again this month. I'm feeling really guilty about it. On the one hand I'm very keen to put some effort into my career and do a good job and not let my new team down and help them get back on track.

But I also know how uncertain TTC can be. It always took us a couple of cycles to fall pregnant, and truthfully, In my heart I'm not sure I have any hope of having another baby.... im scared of miscarrying again. And almost expecting it I guess. So I dnt really want to put off trying because I know there are no guarantees and I dnt want to waste time. But I'm still feeling terrible guilt about my new job.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Obsessedalready Mon 08-Aug-16 19:30:43

If it were me I would ttc, and if you fall pregnant then cross that bridge when you come to I with work. Try not to feel guilty about work!

flowers for the miscarriages

ginandcake Mon 08-Aug-16 19:41:35

Not 100% the same but I started a new job in February and we knew we wanted to TTC soon. Started in May, 3 months into the job. Felt really guilty about it at first but then realised you can't let guilt determine what you do. If you know you want another one then you try and, like obsessed says deal with what happens when you're pregnant, when it happens.

Also FWIW if you're good at your job and they are desperate for someone good, then most employers won't mind and will want to try to keep you on in the long term.

Snowberry86 Mon 08-Aug-16 19:44:38

We had been ttc for 2 years and had 2 miscarriages. I started a new job in February and fell pregnant a few days before I started!

Sod's law as I hoped to have at least a few months of being in the new job but I wouldn't change it for the world. Work were very supportive about it and I'm going to be off from October to May.

Difficultyear2015 Mon 08-Aug-16 21:03:27

I have been at my job 9 months and although that's longer than you I don't care at all.

Im not planning on abandoning my work and I see it as my career so hope I can got back after maternity leave.

They won't mind

Snailer83 Tue 09-Aug-16 10:47:04

Hi Lucinda
Your post totally resonates with me. I have just been promoted at work last month and have just started TTC. I feel guilty because there were others in for the post who were upset at not being promoted so feel it would be a kick in the teeth for them for me to get the job and then go off on maternity. However I don't want to wait any longer to try, have been studying for 3 years to get this post which delayed us TTC in the first place and I just don't want to wait anymore. My reasoning is that even if I get pregnant straight away that at least I have 9 months to make my mark in the new post before I go off on maternity.
Try not to feel guilty (even though it is hard) and make the decision that is right for you x

haveacupoftea Wed 10-Aug-16 15:43:36

It doesnt matter if they mind or not, theyre legally obliged to give you maternity leave. If they have a problem with it, they arent the kind of employers you want to be working for anyway.

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