Another one of those how did you know you were ready threads..

(20 Posts)
Kaisha02 Sat 23-Jul-16 19:19:51

I'm new to this site so hopefully I can pick up all the acronyms.
I've been with my OH 8 years (childhood sweethearts), married a year, and bought our house (mortgaged) a year ago.
OH is self employed and I have worked my way up quickly in a really good job on a very comfortable salary.
On paper it all sounds so good, so I can't understand why I'm nervous.
We go through waves of broodiness- and we both definitely want kids together.
It's just how do you know when to come off the pill and start trying.
I'm only 25 and OH is 28, should we wait a few years and build up our savings and careers or just go for it and see what happens? I have finally got established in my career (with significantly older colleagues) - is it selfish to worry having a family now may jeopardise that? We also have a holiday to NYC booked in December. I'm naturally an anxious person as you can tell, I over think everything!
Any opinions welcome, I need an outside perspective.

annandale Sat 23-Jul-16 19:28:42

I was 34 and met dh - was pregnant eight weeks later... I had been overwhelmingly broody by that point for about eight years.

I personally would say you are still pretty young, if you've only just got to a good place in your career and you are enjoying your life right now, I would give it another three or four years. I might think about a fertility check I suppose - not that you are likely to have any issues - and then enjoy this part of your life.

Kaisha02 Sat 23-Jul-16 21:59:50

Thanks for your advice, definitely a useful view to consider.

Parney Mon 25-Jul-16 09:59:21

Hi...We are very like you! Newlyweds, newly purchased house, secure, well paid jobs. While I was on the pill, I had days when I thought maybe but wasn't fully sold on the idea. Then I came off it in February this year and it was like

Parney Mon 25-Jul-16 10:02:20

A switch had flipped and I suddenly wondered why we hadn't already been trying! Got BFP pretty quickly, nearly halfway through pregnancy now and I can't imagine it differently now. I'm 26, so like you could have waited but I'm glad things are this way. I've read many threads from those wishing they hadn't waited etc likewise I've read some saying they wish they had. Ultimately it's up to you! How many would you like to have?

Pyjamas81 Mon 25-Jul-16 11:09:57

If I'm honest, I'm not sure I am 100% ready! DH and I just got married, been together 3 years, both financially secure, so technically we're ready! It's the immense responsibility and life changing aspect of it that scares me, but, I'm 35 and know that if the chance passes me by to have a family, I will hugely regret it.

Kaisha02 Mon 25-Jul-16 11:29:51

Hi Parney, it's so nice to hear someone in a similar situation so thanks for commenting. The thought of having a family soon does excite me (and scare me!) , a big part of me is saying just go for it, come off the pill and see what happens. Did you have any side effects coming off? Its so nice to hear you're happy with the decision you made.
I really enjoy my job but I do think there's something more to life than work,and that's a family.

Kaisha02 Mon 25-Jul-16 11:31:39

Hi pyjamas, I love your honesty. Those things scare me too! I know I definitely want kids and I'd be devastated if we couldn't naturally, so part of me things why not try now and see what happens. You never know until you try I suppose!

Redken24 Mon 25-Jul-16 11:32:40

I thought it would take us longer to conceive I thought a year that is what it will take, hahah a week and i was pregnant!
so think about any holidays, concerts etc that you want to go to - if you are not feeling ready.
Enjoy being selfish with your OH before you start worrying about conceiving a baby smile
Your young - live it up before you settle down xxx

VioletBam Mon 25-Jul-16 11:33:05

I also think you're young. As your partner is self employed which can be unstable...I would start saving hard now.

Are you the bigger earner? How will you manage when you're on maternity?

Barefootcontessa84 Mon 25-Jul-16 12:17:50

Definitely hold out a few years if you can. My DH and I have been together 14 years (married just over 3) and I got my BFP this month. We really enjoyed having a bit of time together, especially once we were both making a bit more money in settled careers - it meant we could splash out a little more on the things we won't be able to do for a good few years. Yes, we could have started at 25, but waiting 5/6 years longer was absolutely the right thing. You have plenty of time - take it!

Kaisha02 Mon 25-Jul-16 12:18:01

Redken- you did have a quick start, wow smile My OH and I have been together 8 years and have been lucky enough to travel a couple times a year to long haul destinations so I do feel like we have had some amazing experiences, I definitely don't feel we would miss out. My parents had kids young and we still travelled in Europe and the USA just not in any luxury. I'd like to do that with my own family. It's knowing when to make that leap.

Kaisha02 Mon 25-Jul-16 12:20:05

Violetbam- my OH is self employed in his family business and is due to take over when his dad retires next year. It's a 30 year old company with 15 employees and a healthy profit so as long as that continues we will be okay financially. I am on a healthy wage (just sub 40k) and get very good maternity pay so we would be okay financially.

Kaisha02 Mon 25-Jul-16 12:21:23

Barefootcontessa84 - thanks for your insight, I feel like we could be similar to your story if we didn't decide to try now. We could have a few more years of savings and holidays etc - I'm just not so sure how important I find that at the moment!

Aprofessional Mon 25-Jul-16 12:31:43

We've been together 12 years, married for 4 and half and our little one is 2. We both have good jobs, we've just bought a house and moved country in the last year. We kinda did everything backwards though. Something just clicked that it was time. People still comment that I got married very young (24) but we'd been together over 7 years at that stage and had travelled the world and worked as well as gone to Uni.

TBH, when it clicked that we wanted to start trying, we didn't think it would work the first time, and lo and behold it did. We'd set aside a timeframe of trying for 1 year. I was 26 when pregnant and gave birth at 27. Now considering whether it is time for bubs number 2 or if we'll wait until after my 30th (for selfish reasons!).

We had felt that it was the next natural step for us. We had done the travelling, the holidays, the boozy weekends and now I couldn't imagine life any differently. Just got to make the decision on number 2 and if we're ready....good luck with your decision! x

Parney Mon 25-Jul-16 12:31:52

Yew we've been together ten years and have experienced all of those things too. We'll be married well over a year when baby arrives, No regrets! Could be a different story when that happens though, I'm joking but not expecting it to be easy. Like you my parents were younger and I enjoyed that about our relationship. I had no side effects after pill, cycle kicked in again straight away so started trying in cycle 2. This is different for everyone though, it may take up to a year for you to become regular or even bleed at all. Maybe trying different contraception in the months leading up to your big holiday is an option? In case it takes you longer, I can imagine how awful it must be ttc without even having your AF back. Have a read of the thread where people have recently come off the pill and are ttc. It will give you a better idea of the possibilities. I'd been on the pill almost 9 years without a gap.

Kaisha02 Mon 25-Jul-16 12:55:54

Thanks so much for your stories - it's really useful to know both sides. I think the fact I'm even asking the question is that I'm almost trying to justify that I don't have to wait until we are older 'just because'. If we are lucky enough to conceive in the next year or so, I could be back to work albeit part time in a couple years so the career argument is somewhat unfounded. My parents are young enough that they are in their late 40s/ early 50s and their youngest kids are just off to uni and they are having the time of their lives with holidays and date nights etc. They're really living their life again like teenagers and I think that's partly because they had kids young, worked hard and are now enjoying the benefits.

Redken24 Mon 25-Jul-16 14:12:27

Good Luck with whatever you decide smile x

Kaisha02 Mon 25-Jul-16 17:22:48

Thank you smile

Barefootcontessa84 Tue 26-Jul-16 13:51:54

OP it is important, especially once you have the benefit of hindsight wink I'm sure you'll make the right choice!

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