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TTC #2 - how did you know when you were ready?

(6 Posts)
wherethefuckisthefuckingtuna Sun 10-Jul-16 21:24:44

Hi all

I have a DS - 17mo. He's aces and just my favourite person in the world.

DH and I always said we wanted two. And we have been vaguely discussing having another for a while.

But the idea of going through the sleepless nights all over again makes me tired just thinking about it!

I also don't know how I'd cope with two. I love my little boy so much. I don't know if I really want to change things.

How did people decide to try for a second?

Sorry if this is the wrong board to be posting on blush

Writerwannabe83 Sun 10-Jul-16 21:38:22

Me and DH are TTC2 and to be honest I think both of us are dreading the prospect of a second for all the hardships that a newborn brings.

It took me about 18m to get DH to agree to a second and over the last 7 months we have changed our minds about 20 times, one minute we do want another and then the next we completely go off the idea.

DS is 2yr 3m and he's the absolute light of my life and like you say, why on earth would we want to change anything? If you asked either me or my DH why we have decided to try for a second we'd probably both say, "I have no idea."

Although I'm not 100% excited about the prospect of another something inside me just feels like we haven't completed our family yet and that I'm not 'done' when it comes to making babies.

There will never be a perfect or ideal time to have another so me and DH are deciding to just see what happens and if I get pregnant then great, and if not then such is life.

In some way we are quite ambivalent about it but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

asummersnight Sun 10-Jul-16 21:43:21

Same for us. When I think how much easier life is. It's taken us a couple of years to get to the point where we both feel ready.

wherethefuckisthefuckingtuna Sun 10-Jul-16 21:46:02

writer you could be me!!! You have just written down my feelings so succinctly, you've totally hit the nail on the head. So thank you. Thank god it's not just me that feels this way.

There's a certain amount of time pressure added in (not mine or DHs ages) but more health related. And I wonder if they weren't there, would I be considering it so so seriously.

But like you, I just don't feel "done yet". And I don't want to have a huge gap between our DC (if we do have another).

Thank you so much for putting it better than I could have done smile

0hCrepe Sun 10-Jul-16 21:49:32

I think we knew we wanted more than one so we just didn't use contraception after ds. I was BF so didn't have periods till he was 9 months, got pg the next month though (quicker than expected) so they're 19 months apart which is quite close and hard work at first but lovely for them to have each other. I'm pg with num 3 now, 10 years later!
I think you just have to think how many kids you picture having and the age gap that works best and then go for it!

Writerwannabe83 Tue 12-Jul-16 08:30:53

wherethefuck - I have health issues too which pregnancy quite complicated (I had to be signed off sick 14 weeks with DS) which I think is one reason why DH is a little reluctant.

My DH is 34 and he says he's too old to start all over again.

I was pregnant earlier this year (planned) but I miscarried at 7 weeks and DH was really upset so I know he must have wanted it and he wanted to TTC again straight away but I didn't feel ready. That was 4 months ago now and DH has since completely gone off the idea of a second. I know he would do it for me and I know he would be excited if it did happen but I don't think he would actively want to plan for one.

I work with newborns, which doesn't help, and every day (no exaggeration) I hash it out with colleagues and I still don't know whether I truly want a second baby or not. I absolutely have no clue how I feel if I'm honest. I just go round and round in circles.

I just don't want to reach 35, knowing that my chance to have a second baby has passed, and really regret it sad

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