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Anyone else struggling with their DH feeling pressure?

(10 Posts)
happybus28 Sun 10-Jul-16 10:56:29


Me and DH have been TTC since May so only on 2nd cycle. My 1st cycle off pill was a rather long 43 days and this cycle seems like it's going the same way (CD19 still waiting for OV) anyway I digress.....

DH has said from the off he's worried about feeling pressure to perform so I've taken quite a laid back approach to TTC around him, not mentioned anything about ovulation, fertile week etc to try and keep things as normal as poss. I'm struggling however as neither of us have a very high sex drive and usually only have sex once maybe twice a week max . This is something we have both been happy and satisfied with until now as obviously I know we need to increase this for TTC but I don't know how to do it without him feeling pressured by the increase in sex! Anyone else in or have been in the same boat? Sorry to ramble!!

MrsDarlingGirl Sun 10-Jul-16 11:24:44


Yes I am in the same boat! Both in cycle length (I usually ov CD25!) and I have quite a low sex drive Husband! We have talked about it and I do all of the things you do to keep it low key but the thing that really seems to work for us is trying to joke about it all. Making light of it seems to keep him motivated. We also only do it once every 3 days over my FW so it's not too excessive. I always think there is a fine line between good sperm quality and keeping all bases covered and with DC1 we did this and caught really quickly.

Pyjamas81 Sun 10-Jul-16 13:35:16

Yep - also on 2nd cycle and in same boat re: low sex drive for both of us! Once a week max which we've always been happy with. I don't he'd feel too pressured, but I do! Kind of takes the magic out of it by forcing it... Luckily my fertile week kicks off on a weekend, so it hopefully won't feel too out of the ordinary, if we start struggling to conceive, we can talk about ramping it up a bit!

Mamabear12 Sun 10-Jul-16 19:17:57

Gee le wee, once or twice a week is a good sex drive! We do it once every few months! All it takes is once, and if you know your fertile days just do it in those days 😃 I know not everyone is so lucky, but we got lucky twice - getting pregnant first time and only try. I'm a little worried for the third, as I know it's not always easy and we rarely have sex now w two young kids and husband travelling a lot for work. Good luck! And I did hear before three times a week is more then enough when trying. Remember sperm lives a few days inside the vagina. The most important thing is don't stress. Just enjoy. Good luck!

slamdunkthefunk Sun 10-Jul-16 19:22:45

Yes, TTC can really kill the mood can't it?!
My DH struggled a bit, to the point he couldn't climax at all when we had sex.
After months of this I realised we decided to forget ovulation sticks, body temp etc etc and tried a more "what will be will be" approach. One month and bingo!
I'd had a miscarriage with the prior pregnancy and in hindsight I was really putting the pressure on, and it took it's toll.
It's very hard, I feel for you. Best of luck OP.

happybus28 Sun 10-Jul-16 19:38:55

Thanks for the replies! Helps to know it isn't just me! I have been using OPKs but not temping. Not told DH about OPKs though just trying to keep things casual as far as he know! Will try and stop thinking about it too much myself though and take the pressure off myself a bit! Think I'm so aware of not putting pressure on him that im putting more on myself!

Mamabear12 Sun 10-Jul-16 21:16:55

Try to relax yourself and not put pressure or stress. I feel those things make it take longer to conceive. Just think of it poisitive. It will happen, you will get pregnant. And encourage sex on fertile days and a day or two before bc sperm can live a few days.

SoozC Tue 12-Jul-16 22:21:13

Wow, I'm glad to read this! Same issue - DP feeling increasingly pressured, not finishing and me getting upset at "lost chances". We're on cycle #6. I will try to take a more relaxed approach - a month with no bbt and no opks! Glad others are in the same boat (but not glad for you, if you know what I mean)!

happybus28 Tue 12-Jul-16 22:39:19

It's okay sooz I know what you mean I feel like that too! It can all feel a bit lonely sometimes can't it, glad to have people to talk too who are having similar experiences! I know what you mean about lost chances, I feel like the more i try to take pressure off the more I end up putting on!!! We have a busy few weeks coming up so gonna try and distract myself!

KittyWindbag Fri 15-Jul-16 03:07:56

Me sad My husband has been having problems with delayed ejaculation and it's making me feel a bit forlorn, which then is doubly worse because I know how bad it makes him feel.

We only managed to have "complete" sex once during the fertile peak this month and I just know I'm not pregnant. It's a really frustrating and sad situation. I'd love to know how other people are dealing with it.

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