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Scared after miscarriage

(14 Posts)
ljomrs Sun 12-Jun-16 21:52:55

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rainbowstardrops Sun 12-Jun-16 21:59:07

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Secondly, you are not silly! At all.

I have a very similar background to you. I miscarried my first at about seven weeks. It was awful. This was about nineteen years ago and I still think of my little one that wasn't to be.

When I got pregnant with DS and then DD, I never stopped worrying. Every little change set me off. They're now 16 and 11!

It's a horrible time but I have my fingers firmly crossed for you that you'll get your longed for baby flowers

ljomrs Sun 12-Jun-16 22:04:58

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BristolLFR Sun 12-Jun-16 23:23:47

Hi,

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my first pregnancy at 9 weeks in Jan. It was a honeymoon baby and I was gutted. I was terrified of getting pregnant again in case I lost it, but desperately wanted to get started again. My first period after my miscarriage hit me harder than the miscarriage to be honest as I pinned all my hopes on getting pregnant again (especially since it happened the first month last time).

It took us another 3 months in the end, and I was so stressed about it. Each period upset me more. Finding out 2 of my friends were pregnant was a punch in the stomach. But I got pregnant again in March and found out on holiday smile

I was petrified for the whole time, especially when I had cramps at 7 weeks. The nurses at the early pregnancy clinic remembered me and were so kind. They told me to come back for another scan at 9 weeks to reassure me and it was amazing seeing it again. Didn't stop me from panicking that I'd have a missed miscarriage though, and the week leading up to my 12 week scan I was a mess. BUT... I had a scan last week, there was a baby, it had a heartbeat and now I'm 13 weeks pregnant.

30 is not old. Remember that the odds are in your favour. It's very common to lose one, especially your first. You have got pregnant once, and will get pregnant again. Don't pin all your hopes on that first month. Get charting, and have fun making babies. Invest in your relationship. Then when you do get your positive, keep calm and fingers crossed. The overwhelming majority of people who have a miscarriage go on to have a baby.

I hope you have all the support you need right now, wishing you every luck in the future xx

m33r Mon 13-Jun-16 07:03:15

I had a mc in February and it was awful. It took a while to get negative test (actually thought they were getting darker again so went back to doctors - crazy lady!). Anyway, we're not pregnant again yet but I wanted to say you are not being silly and I am so sorry for your loss. I have a lb already (took 20 months to conceive) and can't imagine what my mc would have been like if I didnMt have him. Thinking of you xx

Spotsondots Mon 13-Jun-16 16:01:11

I am so sorry to read of your loss. I have two angel babies in the sky. Not a day goes by when I don't think of them. The first I lost was around 6 weeks and my first pregnancy. We did conceive our DS straight afterwards with no period. It wasn't a problem other than dating the pregnancy, as you say, so totally fine to carry on. My second angel we said goodbye to in March of this year after TTC for just over a year. We found out about that at my 12 week scan. I was devastated. I've had a period since then and was fairly distraught about that too, as we'd conceived straight after our last MC so had hoped for a repeat. It's totally normal to feel everything that you're feeling. MC is a terribly tough emotional roller coaster. It's completely fine to feel however you feel, and to work through your grief however is helpful to you. The best advice I was given was "be kind to yourself". It's harder to follow than it sounds but it is so important. Try not to be too hard on yourself if it doesn't happen straight away. It will be disappointing and frustrating but try to remember that this is one of the very few aspects of life we have no control over. Learning to accept that has helped me to work through things this time round but I won't pretend it comes easily and I have some spectacularly shit days. Look after yourself, know that you are not alone and that it is ok to feel scared/angry/sad/whatever.

ljomrs Mon 13-Jun-16 22:42:34

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StillCounting123 Mon 13-Jun-16 23:26:37

OP, mumsnet is a great place for advice and support.

I have a 6 year old & a 3 year old. Both conceived easily and I was a bit smug.

Had a miscarriage last week, at 5 weeks gestation. Awful shock and I'm still in a bit of denial, even though I've since had a negative pregnancy test and know it's all over.

You are far from alone, OP.

Focus for now on your marriage, and hopefully motherhood will follow.

I'm 31, so a similar age to you.

riddles26 Wed 15-Jun-16 21:09:20

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in December last year and felt exactly how you do. We waited until we had been together for a while and were financially stable with our own house before considering a family to allow us the lifestyle we want. When I was going through the worst of it, I kept going over the times we chose to further our careers for stability/buy our house/travel etc instead and wondering what would have been. My advice would be to instead, enjoy time with each other and make a list of fun things you will do until you conceive again - which you will do. As a pp said, it is one of the things in life, we just can't control so try to relax (easier said than done I know)

We didn't actively try before my next period but didn't use contraception either - seemed counterproductive after having ttc for so long! We didn't conceive that cycle and with hindsight, I am extremely grateful for that as I would have been so anxious having scans and trying to date the pregnancy. The first period was hard and brought back a lot of memories from the miscarriage but we did manage to conceive that cycle.

I am 20 weeks now and fingers crossed all looks good so far but I have had moments of this pregnancy where I have been a paranoid wreck - that is normal too after a miscarriage.

I am thinking of you and hope you get your baby very soon xx

ljomrs Thu 16-Jun-16 22:09:27

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katemiddletonsothermum Thu 16-Jun-16 22:18:39

Don't underplay your grief, hun. I met a lady in her 70s who cried over a baby she'd lost 50 years ago. Miscarriage is horrific - you can beat yourself up by saying "should i have done this, should i have done that?"

I've had 3 miscarriages and also lost a twin in the womb. But.... the other twin survived and is a crazy lively boy. A friend of mine had 11 (yes ELeVEN) miscarriages and now has 3 kids.

Keep going. Think about it clinically. Keep going, don't get too heavily invested in each pregnancy until 15 weeks or so... ...... and....
..good luck!!!!

ljomrs Fri 17-Jun-16 17:40:30

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JulyLady7 Mon 20-Jun-16 10:12:22

So sorry for your loss ljomrs sad
I'm in a similar position to you. Got pregnant first cycle trying and lost baby @ 7 weeks in April. I was devastated. Just found out my good friend is due a week after I would've been. So happy for her, but reminds me of the loss a little.
We're gonna start trying next month, but I'm terrified I'll never get to full term. I don't think I'll be able to function if I see a BFP again. But, I'm encouraged by the statistics even though they weren't in my favour at all last time. We just have to have hope! I'll have nothing to report until August, but I hope I see lots of sticky BFP's on here before then! xx

user1466632763 Thu 23-Jun-16 17:35:57

Hi there

I had a MC at the end of March, my first pregnancy at 8.5 weeks.

I've had 4 cycles since and still not pregnant.. Each period is becoming harder for me if I'm honest.

I got pregnant a month after trying but it doesn't seem to be working this time!

We had a private scan and saw the heartbeat, baby and saw how well the baby was positioned. sad it's very hard!

I'm sorry for everyone else's loss xxx

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