Massively stressing, anxious. TTC no. 1 (some TMI sorry)

[ParanoidC123]

So, we were planning on waiting till the end of the year to TTC but just decided this weekend that now seems as good a time as any. Initially I was THRILLED, but then my anxiety decided to rear its ugly head and I am a bit of a wreck. I am then trying to counter this because I feel like being over anxious is going to mess with my cycle. I am sort of going round in circles of panic > fake calm > panic > fake calm etc.

Anyway, I am late 20s, have recently lost 3 stone (still overweight, but doc seems to think I'm fit and healthy - continuing to lose weight anyway), have an underactive thyroid (treated, was overactive for a period of time according to bloods, and now thyroxine has been reduced) and when I was 17 was told by my doc at the time that I was very hairy (my arms are) (charming) and he sent me for a scan of my ovaries. I don't remember really what they said but apparently I had some cysts on my left ovaries or follicles or something. They weren't in any way concerned. I had always had regular periods and that was that really.

Move forwards 11 years and I have pretty much managed to convince myself I am infertile and having anovulatory cycles. I came off cerazette at end of Feb and had first period March 24 lasting around 4 days of on and off spotting (pretty light, mostly brown, some bright red when wiping), then April I had another light period lasting from 24-27, again mostly brown with some bright red when wiping. Then yesterday morning woke up suddenly to bad cramps and brown again, I would say the flow is light-medium, some red, again mostly when wiping. It's pretty light today tbh, feels like it won't last much longer. So, I am telling myself these (along with the thyroid, possible pcos (?) etc) are all signs of an anovulatory cycle.

I've been on and off the pill for so long now (with a foray into depo provera at one point) that I don't even know what is normal for me anymore. I remember when I was younger my periods were pretty heavy, or so I thought.

I feel like if I don't get pregnant in the first month trying I will be devastated which is LUDICROUS. It doesn't help that my mum got pregnant with my brother "within 3 weeks of coming off the pill and not having had a period for 8 years" and my SIL also got pregnant immediately last year.

I also feel like this anxiety, obsessing is counterproductive and if I put myself through it every month it'll destroy me.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice? TBH it was quite therapeutic just writing this.

Thanks for reading and so sorry for the TMI.

Kx

[jinglebellmel]

Hi paranoid, I have pcos. If it's any conform to you I conceived on my first month of trying both times (just miscarried 2nd baby but my point is it doesn't have to mean you'll have trouble getting pregnant). Why not try tracking your cycle for a month or two? I did this for a few months before trying the first time, using ovulation tests (can get them really cheaply on eBay) checking cervical mucus and taking my temp every morning. If you google you'll find lots of advice on how to do it all and how to confirm if you're ovulation. It really put my mind and rest and helped me feel in control of things (and I'm pretty sure knowing my cycle so well was part of the reason why I got pregnant so quickly, and a bit of luck too I'm sure!)

As for the irregular bleeding, I think that's pretty normal after coming off the pill. But I always have very short and light periods, it's just normal for me and doesn't seem to be indicative of any major issues. Good luck!

[jinglebellmel]

Excuse all the typos, you get the jist I'm sure!

[ParanoidC123]

Thank you so much Jingle. I really appreciate your reply. It is a comfort to me to hear that. I think one of my issues is uncertainty, I am not great at dealing with it! Think I need to learn!

[jinglebellmel]

I'm the same, a total control freak! I was convinced I'd be unable to conceive and had researched fertility treatment, natural remedies and all sorts - it was totally unfounded luckily, and hopefully will be for you too. Following my cycle and confirming I was ovulating made me feel like I was taking a positive step in case of any problems and helped put my mind at rest. Also look up the stats on getting pregnant - if you time it exactly right I think your chances are something like 1 in 5, that used to help me relax and think if it didn't happen on month one that was still totally normal.