Chemical pregnancy number 3

[AmandaJL41]

Hello all.

I'm new to Mumsnet, so I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place.

A little back-story. At 39 I had an ectopic & lost a tube. Very next month, pregnant with my son (only child for me & DH). Had 13 wonderful months, didn't plan any more kids. He died in November very suddenly of septicaemia. Since then, as well as grieving, we've tried to conceive again. In 5 cycles of trying, we've caught 3 times, but each time it's the same. BFPs for a week or so that don't progress, eventually a BFN & then bleeding starts a few days later. I've tried to attach a pic of what's happening now. The top line was 11 dpo, the bottom one today at 15 dpo. I had a much fainter one at 13 dpo. Just waiting it out again.

The GP ran blood tests for pre & post-ov hormones, thyroid, diabetes etc. All normal. Post-ov progesterone level of 31 (UK). I'm 41, so I accept that age will be playing a part.

Has anyone had a similar experience? I can find a lot online about 1 or 2 CPs but not 3. Does anyone have any advice? My GP has agreed a second progesterone test & also to test for sticky blood. Since losing my boy, the chance to be a mum again is the only thing keeping me going. These repeated blows seem so cruel

Thanks for reading xxx

[m33r]

amanda It looks positive to me and not 'significantly' lighter. I think waiting on the docs is the only thing you can do and I am sending you all good vibes.

I am so so incredibly sorry for the loss of you little boy. Xx

[AmandaJL41]

Thanks m33r. I know it's just a waiting game. It's not a lot lighter today, but I think as its 5 days later, it should be a lot darker. I know people say 'a line is a line' but unfortunately when you've had repeated losses you get good at interpreting patterns. I'm still very symptomatic but I always am until the miscarriage really gets going. I'm just gutted that we've now had 3 early losses. The GP isn't really suggesting anything other than 'keep trying'. They think it's good that we can conceive, but that doesn't really mean a lot if we can't get beyond 5 weeks. I just wondered if anyone had been through similar and got answers that helped....? So strange that we caught with our son with no problems, just 2 years ago. He was always as strong as an ox.

[jpclarke]

Amanda, I am sorry I have no real advice for you but I couldn't read and not reply. I am so sorry for your losses, particularly your little boy. Maybe a second opinion or a referral to a gynae might help. I wonder how seriously your gp is taking your losses, and I really hope this time sticks for you xxx

[broodypsycho]

Sorry for your loss. If you don't test early you won't get a chemical pregnancy, save yourself any more disappointment and hurt and just test when af is due.

[Iggi999]

I disagree there is a point in testing early as it is not "normal" to get pg repeatedly and have early mcs, and this info could lead a doctor to find a course of treatment to help you. Please ask to be referred further on.
I am so sorry for these losses and the loss of your little boy, you poor thing

[Iggi999]

GPs know nothing about miscarriage in my experience.

[AmandaJL41]

I agree that it's important to know. Not testing doesn't mean that I won't have chemical pregnancies. It just means that I won't be able to confirm them. Recurrent miscarriage is a problem and I don't think burying my head in the sand will help. I'm already 41 and struggling to keep going after losing my only child. I don't want to mess around. Plus, by the time I take a test, I'm already very symptomatic. I would have tested today as af is now late, and got a BFP. I just wouldn't know that it's a non-starter, and have disappointment a few days later instead, when the bleeding starts. Thank you for the replies. I will certainly keep pestering my GP.

[Iggi999]

At minimum he/she needs to refer you to local recurrent miscarriage clinic. If you can afford it I would suggest referring yourself straight to an expert privately. Best of luck.

[Marymaymay]

I'm so sorry to hear how hard thing have been for you.

Has your GP done an HCG test to test your levels and see if they are rising?d

If this pregnancy does not work out, you need referring to the recurrent mc clinic as others have pointed out.

If you can afford it, I would recommend a private doctor such as Dr Gorgy (give it a google) whose tests and knowledge go far beyond the NHS.

It seems like you get pg easily but may need some help (progesterone/immunes/blood clotting) to help you to keep them.

Good luck.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

So sorry about your son.

I've had 3 chemical pregnancies. They are really distressing.

It looks like you are using the same pregnancy tests I was using when I was pregnant with my son (he's watching Peppa pig right now).

I got so distressed with his pregnancy as the pregnancy tests just didn't get any darker and I was convinced it would end in another chem preg - it was fine though.

I'm hoping that happens with you but it could end badly. Very best of luck, really hope you have a healthy pregnancy soon.

[AmandaJL41]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. WhenSheWas, I'm so pleased for you that you had a successful pregnancy. I'll be honest, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone, compared to losing my son, the miscarriages aren't devastating as much a disappointing. It's hard to have a glimmer of hope through all the gloom, and then have it snatched away again. I'm very confused this morning. I took a Superdrug test on Saturday & one again today (Monday) and today's its slightly darker. If this is another chemical (which I'm still convinced it is) it's being rather odd. Still no spotting or cramping. I think my body is playing tricks on me!

[AmandaJL41]

By the way, my little boy was a big Peppa Pig fan too! His favourite was the one with the 'big balloon' song! Although he was only 13.5 months when he died, he was already talking in sentences and understanding a lot. Miss him more than words can say

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Amanda he sounds lovely. I totally understand the chemical pregnancies not being a big deal after losing your son.

I've got my fingers crossed for you. If this pregnancy doesn't work out hopefully another one will very soon.

[Marymaymay]

HiAmanda - if you can get to see your GP today they can test your HCG levels -then again on Weds. The results should tell you if this is a viable pregnancy or not. I know for me after a mc and a CP that this took some of the horrendous anxiety out of waiting for me this time around.

[AmandaJL41]

Thank you MaryMayMay. I've asked before at my GP and they said they don't do it. I was looking for reassurance after my ectopic, but they would only book me in for an early scan. They would want to send me up to the EPU to have it done. I'm a bit nervous about that because it's at the hospital where my boy was born & died. I'll go if it's in the interests of a baby, but I won't put myself through it otherwise, when there's nothing they can do about it anyway. I'm just trying to be patient & wait it out. If it sticks I'll be thrilled, but I'm virtually resigned to it not being viable xx

[Frantasic]

Hi Amanda. Firstly, I'm so sorry for your losses, especially your little boy.

I don't know if you are going to find this reassuring but I thought I'd say this. I suffered a MC three years ago after a serious accident. To confirm the MC I had to go to the EPU. Fast forward three years to last month and I needed a colposcopy and they perform them at the same EPU I had the MC at. Like you, I was freaking out about it... In fact, when I arrived to have it, I booked in and asked if I could wait outside. I went outside and burst into tears, but took a deep breath and went back inside. Once I got back inside I started to calm down about being there. A week later I had to go back to again because I was having what I now know was a Chemical pregnancy. The second time was surprisingly easy.

I know losing a child isn't the same as a MC but the feeing of not wanting to be confronted by a past traumatic event was still there for me, but it subsided. If you go it looks like you'll get good news this time. Your lines look like they are getting darker.

I wish you all the best. Fx for this one having a much happier outcome. X

[AmandaJL41]

Thank you Frantastic, especially for the positive vibes. So sorry to hear of your loss. I do understand what you mean about the fear subsiding. When you lose a child, you are confronted with your trauma thousands of times per day, and after a few months, the pain of that slowly begins to get a little softer. It begins when you have to leave the hospital without them, and return to your (their) home, full of toys & stuff & their bedroom. Then it happens every single time you have to do something without them, like eat a meal, or walk out of the front door. Like most mothers who witness the death of their child, I suffer with traumatic grief, which means that triggers can cause debilitating flashbacks of the moment he died (in the ambulance) and the aftermath at the hospital. Many places, like the supermarket and the town centre, have been 'done' enough times now for it to be less painful, but the hospital would be a biggie. We have only been back once, to hear the results of his pathology report. If (big if) this pregnancy is viable, I would rather avoid putting my body through the stress of going back to the worst place imaginable. Unfortunately the EPU is in the maternity unit where I had him, just along from the A&E where my world fell apart. If I get further along and I need to go for the benefit of my baby, then I absolutely will, and I'll find a way to deal with it. Just one of the many pitfalls of ttc as a newly bereaved mother! Thank you for your kind reply, and I wish you the very best for a sticky little bean xxx

[INeedNewShoes]

Amanda I'm so sorry for everything you've been through.

Have you tried taking a low dose of aspirin daily? Lots of women trying to conceive at the moment seem to be taking baby aspirin so it could be worth a try? I had surgical management of miscarriage yesterday and was advised by the doctor to take aspirin if/when I manage to get pregnant again, although that is because I have a suspected clotting problem.

Chemical pregnancies are early miscarriages and most NHS Trust policies are to refer to the recurrent miscarriage clinic after 3 miscarriages. I think you should push for this.

[AmandaJL41]

INeedNewShoes, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. So kind of you to reply when you must be feeling so fragile yourself. I really hope you recover quickly and don't have to wait too long before you get a healthy little bean. We were away when we got our first BFP so I didn't have access to baby aspirin, but I started it as soon as we got back. I don't know if it'll help now, but it's worth a shot. I don't know why my GP hasn't mentioned a recurrent miscarriage clinic. I suspect because there isn't one in our local NHS trust catchment.

Well, in the latest twist, I took another Superdrug test today, and the line looks to me to be darker than yesterday. Dare I relax????

I know one thing - I'm not bothering with FRERs again. Is it me, or have the lines got really spindly lately? And there has been such massive variation between tests, in terms of the darkness of both the test line and the control line, even though I've always used FMU with the same hold time.

Best wishes to everyone xxx

[Nospringflower]

Sorry for your losses. I know you don't want to get your hopes up but the fact that you are getting positives and the lines are getting darker suggests that you are pregnant and it's not a chemical pregnancy. I suspect you still won't be able to relax though! Hope all goes well for you.

[AmandaJL41]

Nospringflower, that's what I'm hoping. And no, you're right! Relax??? What was I thinking?! Xxx

[Frantasic]

Amanda... I totally get what you're saying. Because my first miscarriage was off the back of serious physical trauma I experienced flashbacks of both the accident and the pregnancy loss. Because I was backwards and forwards to the hospital during my recovery I ended up with an adjustment disorder because I was constantly confronted with it for the first few months. This involved flashbacks,nightmares, panic attacks and generalised anxiety. I hit a low point when I was admitted to a cardiac ward for serious heart palpitations... Thousands a day! I had my accident in my town centre so at one point I couldn't even go shopping. It was so debilitating and distressing.

I had post trauma CBT and it helped loads.

[AmandaJL41]

I'm so sorry that you went through all that, Frantastic. I hope you've made a full recovery? Oddly enough in my 'old' pre-mummy life I was a CBT therapist. I recently had an assessment (at a different service obviously!) and they said what I knew they'd say - the trauma is too tied up in my bereavement for treatment to be effective. You're aware of what's involved in that kind of treatment, and with the grief still being so raw it would be unbearable. It's been 6 months, and I'll need to wait another 6-12 months before treatment can begin.

The heart palpitations can be awful! I had severe chest pains for about 2 months after. I never went to hospital as I knew what it was. I'm glad you got the right treatment. I had a lot of patients who hadn't sought help and tried to live with it for years xxx

[Sapph1r3]

Hi, I'm just a lurker but I wanted to de-lurk and say that when we were trying for DC2, I had a suspected CP the first month and the second I had a BFP really quickly, that then went BFN for a week and then BFP again. No idea what happened, maybe different tests, but she's 9 now

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy

[AmandaJL41]

Thank you Sapph1r3. That's very encouraging. It's certainly what seems to be happening over here. Last Wednesday we got a lovely BFP on a FRER, then it was barely there on Friday & the digi said negative. Since Saturday, the tests have been getting darker. I've added a pic with this morning's at the bottom. If you take Wednesday out of the picture (if I'd started testing later) it would look like a really positive pattern. Have you ever got to the bottom of what might cause that to happen? It seems physically impossible to me! Is there such a thing as a surge of Hcg just after implantation? Xxx