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Partner doesn't want kids

(20 Posts)
MrsPepper Sun 01-May-16 14:43:44

My partner of nearly three years doesn't want me to have a kid. He's got 4 from previous relationships and doesn't believe I should be a mum. He's 16 years older and he just puts me down by saying I'm not mentally fit to have a kid (I suffer with depression on and off). I'm getting to the point where I'm actually thinking of getting sterilised so I don't have to suffer anymore. I'm almost 30 and all I want is my own little family but he doesn't understand that.

Seeyounearertime Sun 01-May-16 14:46:23

You don't have to be with someone if you don't want to be.
You could be with someone who does want kids and who would support you whilst you're I'll and not just make you feel worse.

Seeyounearertime Sun 01-May-16 14:46:55

I'll should say ill

PotteringAlong Sun 01-May-16 14:54:55

Then leave him and find someone who does wang children.

MrsPepper Sun 01-May-16 14:56:30

All my friends are starting a family and I just feel like I'm a vegetable. Nothing to look forward to.

Frusso Sun 01-May-16 14:59:35

he just puts me down by saying I'm not mentally fit to have a kid
doesn't want me to have a kid.
doesn't believe I should be a mum

along with his having 4 dcs from previous relationships, this guy does not want kids with you.

This is not your depression, this his him being a twat. because he can't be honest enough to say he doesn't want any more kids, but thinks it's okay to say it's because of your depression?
I'd be seriously considering if I wanted to be anywhere near someone who made me feel like this.

GraysAnalogy Sun 01-May-16 15:05:59

It's good that he's being honest and upfront about it, instead of stringing you along.

His comments however are out of order. Are you sure you want to be with someone who thinks he can speak to you like that?

I do think you're being a bit daft saying you may as well get sterilised to stop your suffering, that isn't going to help and it's a knee jerk reaction.

The much simpler solution is to end the relationship and find someone who does want children with you and doesn't talk to you the way he does.

BoBo90 Sun 01-May-16 15:31:38

I agree with the above. Fair enough he doesn't want any more kids as he is allowed to feel that way but he shouldn't be putting you down!

You need to take some alone time to think about whether having children is more important than your relationship with him. You can't make him have another child but you can decide what is best for you! Good luck X

bittapitta Sun 01-May-16 15:32:53

LTB. Simple.

physicskate Sun 01-May-16 15:44:13

Totally agree with Bobo!! Even if I were in a PERFECT relationship, if my partner did not want kids with me, it would be a total deal breaker and I would walk away. If having kids at some point is important to you (and I totally get the approaching 30 and starting to have biological clock panic) then this does not sound like the relationship for you.

Separate issue: what the hell right does he have to speak to you like that!? Sounds MASSIVELY hypocritical and misogynist for a guy to go around having lots of kids and then saying that you can't have any!!! What a ridiculous idiot - he shouldn't be given the time of day!

broodypsycho Sun 01-May-16 19:23:22

I can't believe he expects you to take him on with 4 kids and doesn't want you to have the chance to be a mum. Not only that he's emotionally and mentally getting you down trying to make you believe your not capable. He's mentally abusive and yu should leave him immediately. There's plenty of men out there who will treat you better and have a family. If u stay would this mam you'll live to regret it.

Goingtobeawesome Sun 01-May-16 19:27:20

Why would you want a relationship with such a cruel man, never mind a baby?

Dellarobia Sun 01-May-16 19:34:50

I'm not a LTB poster, but in this case it's honestly the only thing you can do. You want a family, he doesn't. There's no other way forward.

Also, he sounds like a nasty piece of work.

RiverTam Sun 01-May-16 19:39:11

Your DP's words are horrible but do you actually want a baby? Having nothing to look forward to is not a good reason to have a child.

Guiltypleasures001 Sun 01-May-16 20:06:57

Your dp maybe the reason your in and out of depression lovely, it will probably get worse if you stay with him. Is he also a feckless father to all his 4 kids with different mothers?

Ilovenannyplum Sun 01-May-16 20:21:46

My DP has 4 kids from a previous relationship and now we have a DS together. There are a lot of kids in our house EOW but it's manageable.

OP, you don't need to stay in a relationship if it means letting go of something that's super important to you, if having children together is non negotiable then you need to be with someone who shares that feeling. DSC and your own actually children is a whole other story. Good luck flowers

Ilovenannyplum Sun 01-May-16 20:23:03

(Just as a side note, all of my DSC have the same mother. DP and his ex were together for a long time before they split....)

GraysAnalogy Sun 01-May-16 21:39:33

^ can't believe he expects you to take him on with 4 kids and doesn't want you to have the chance to be a mum^

No-one owes anyone a baby. Her decision to 'take him on with 4 kids' doesn't mean he has to impregnate her.

Cookie22 Mon 02-May-16 01:39:29

Sorry, but he sounds a total prick. Don't let anybody put you down! This will only fuel your depression further. Be strong and stand up for what you want, whether that be kids or otherwise xxx

giraffesCantReachTheirToes Mon 02-May-16 01:42:18

I have just split with someone after year cos he suddenly decided he never wanted kids. I made it clear from the start this is what I wanted.

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