Calling all TTC especially #1: how you knew you were ready?(8 Posts)
I am a fairly newbie mostly lurker, 30 yrs, who has recently had "the chat" with DH and we have made the huge decision to go from the eternal "someday about 5 yrs from now" to actively TTC #1 next year. As you are all TTCers, am curious to hear your stories about how you decided it was time to try. What prompted it? Did you have doubts? Fears? What are your hopes? Ambitions? How do you imagine life with a new DC?
For us, the decision has not been logical. We always knew we would want children "someday" but that never seemed close/real. We have spent many years hopping from fixed term post to fixed term post, travelling, prioritising work/life/us... We have always delayed even thinking about kids because of practical reasons..." let's be more settled, more financially stable... " and now we are a few years into permanent positions and feeling pretty settled in our home. We were sticking to our "5 years...a cat's enough for us, honest" idea, probably out of habit, but just lately seeing our friends go through it we realised that 1. It will probably never be logical to have kids, especially financially and 2. The whole "5 years, cats..." was probably a buffer we were using while we waited to be emotionally ready. And somehow without us realising, the emotionally ready bit happened! So we have now provisionally said let's give it 1 year so we can get the practical stuff sorted and suddenly 1 year feels like forever. I guess it really is true what they say, once the clock starts ticking...!
The financial aspect does still seem pretty overwhelming and we have not yet figured out how best to balance our (very very well loved but not huge salary) careers...but I think we will figure it out.
I look forward to hearing from you!
For me, I turned 30 and BOOM suddenly I went from "no never ever want kids, definitely not for me" to " DH I want to start ttc, do you?"
Luckily DHs response was "I was hoping you would change your mind"- talk about a gambler!!!
There was no rhyme nor reason to my sudden change of heart. On reflection I wonder whether my original attitude was a sub conscious defence mechanism to protect myself from the inevitable upset of finding out I wouldn't be able to have children (I was told at 15 that my PCOS was so severe I would never have children)
I am the same as you, I filled my life with lots of travelling, a beautiful home which we have made just as we want it, and many many social events. We are never 'free on a weekend'. But somehow something just felt missing.
So nearly two years after that first conversation with DH, we are still TTC. We had a round of IVF in Feb and fell pregnant but mc'ed at 5 weeks. I am due to have one of our frozen embryos transferred in May.
My story isn't necessarily a positive one but I wanted to reply to you to say you don't know how long it will take so if you feel emotionally ready I would at least start preparing your body now. If you are on the pill, stop it. If you need to lose weight, lose it. If your partner needs to get healthier, do it.
You don't know how long it might take you to conceive you could be very lucky and fall pregnant in the first few months. Or you could be like me and be almost 32 and still not pregnant. It's impossible to know until you start TTC!
Good luck with everything!
Thank you for your reply, Rosebud. I am sorry you are having such a challenging journey and I hope it happens for you soon! It's true we have no idea how hard it will be. I had implant removed around 6mths ago but we still use condoms. I have given up coffee this month and am trying to get fitter too. :-)
We set a date a while back when I needed some space to get used to the idea (DH very keen). That date is now next month and I'm shitting myself - deep down I know it's what I want/better time than any - but it doesn't make it any less daunting!
I was keener than DH when we decided to TTC but our logic was - why not? We know we want kids. We are still healthy and young, we are financially stable, our parents are still quite young, we have the energy to throw ourselves into parenting... we probably won't regret it! DD has just turned one and it was the best decision we have made. I think you just "know" in your gut when the time is right for you. X
My DH and I were/are a bit like you; we love our jobs but they are not amazingly paid.
My parents very kindly helped us out with money towards a house deposit and then DH and I decided that this is going to be the month we start trying for a baby!
I just got less and less scared of what life would be like with a little one; I have been ready for a while but DH took longer to come around to it. But he is really on board now. We are 32 so I hope it doesn't take too long; I do feel a bit tearful around newborn nieces/nephews and close friends announcing their pregnancies as I have been so looking forward to becoming a parent for so long.
We properly decided a few months that this would be the time but we have a few things to do first; a nice big holiday just the two of us and so on.
My DP gave me the push to decide to TTC.
He's always wanted children but I was doing the same as you OP and putting it into the 5 year plan that kept rolling on year by year...
Then we bought our first house a year and half ago and got engaged in December and in my DP's mind that was time so he sat me down at Christmas and said how much he wanted children and he was worrying that we were leaving it too late.
The little bit of 'pressure' he put into it made my mind up and now I'm more into TTC than he is!
I think if he hadn't had that conversation with me I would have procrastinated on it for another few years and would never have found the 'right time'.
For us the main incentive was finding out my step-dad was terminally ill, we wanted my parents to be able to experience being grandparents. We were already thinking about kids soon though, so it probably only brought the decision forward by 6-12 months. Thankfully step-dad's prognosis has been much better than initially feared - DS is now 16 months and brings them so much joy. To be honest though I don't think you're ever really prepared - it's such a change in lifestyle whenever you decide to have children so I don't think there's a right time!
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