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Arguing about having a baby

(12 Posts)
Suzie1wong Fri 15-Apr-16 14:15:51

I'm 35 and I have 3 children from a previous relationship my oldest 18 my youngest 7,I've been with my partner 2 years and he has a daughter who is 5.

I had a mc in November we had not really discussed ever having our own child but since then I've craved our own baby,he is adamant he doesn't want anymore and this has caused arguments.

I really love my other half and what to have a baby but he just isn't interested.

I went to the doctors about a prolapsed bladder and found out it wasn't my bladder it was my womb that's starting to prolapse,the doctor asked me if I was going to have any more children I just burst in to tears,I didn't have the answer he said I have a year tops to have another child before I wont be able to carry them and that I will in future need a hysterectomy,I'm heart broken.

I knew when I told my partner he would think that I'm emotionally black mailing him into having another but that's not the case at all.

I just want him to realise that this will be the last time I will ever be able to carry a child again and it will be last chance for me and him to have a child !

I'm heart broken of I'm honest because he still won't budge!

Anyway I didn't come this month on so I did 2 pregnancy tests,the first filled the 1st test box 3 quarters with pink and then the control panel had a pink line,I through it in the bin and looked next morning it's 2 lines now!

So 2 days later I did another same thing has happened think pink line in the control box but 3 quarters pink in the other.

I'm petrified now that I am because he will claim I have tramped him and that isn't the case at all.

Fed up

Arfarfanarf Fri 15-Apr-16 14:21:16

He has as much right to not want a child as you do to want one. I'm sorry because I know how awful it feels to really want another child.

You need to talk honestly with him. Decide if this is a deal breaker. If you want another child more than you want to remain in a relationship with him.

A child deserves to be wanted by both parents, so a person should never be coerced into parenthood. t's not fair on them and more importantly it's not fair on the child.

That said, if you are pregnant now, it must be your choice what to do. It's your body. He may choose to stay with you or he may choose to end the relationship, that is up to him.

It's one of those things that is so so unfair, isn't it? There's no compromise. You can't have half a child grin

Find out for sure if you are pregnant.

Either way, talk honestly with him. If this is a deal breaker for you, let it be now rather than plodding along for years, hoping he'll change his mind.

Suzie1wong Fri 15-Apr-16 14:27:23

Oh I know I totally agree it's his decision too and I agree a child should be wanted by both parents,I couldn't agree more.

A few weeks ago when I 1st found out il be honest I was more for a baby than the relationship,as the weeks have gone on I've kind of come round to the fact that I'm not going to have another and the thought of he children being grown up and less responsibilities have sounded great lol

It's just there's been that much going on I failed to notice I hadn't had a regualar period since Xmas.

I'm utterly fed up

Arfarfanarf Fri 15-Apr-16 14:30:17

well, it is what it is, if you are pregnant then that's that. It's now your choice. You must do what you feel is the best option for yourself.

It's going to be a difficult conversation, of course it is, but good luck with it thanks I hope it works out. I hope that he knows you well enough to know that you wouldn't have had an 'accidentally on purpose'. If he thinks that little of you then that's a problem.

Suzie1wong Fri 15-Apr-16 14:36:15

I know right ?

And in all fairness who could blame him it's all very convenient isn't it ?

I was starting to come round to it though the fact I could be now is terrifying !

Hope I'm not and it all sorts itself out.

Thanks for replying

AnotherEmma Fri 15-Apr-16 14:42:41

Sorry about your miscarriage flowers

If you don't mind me asking, was that a planned pregnancy or a happy accident?

I'm just wondering if you two have been using contraception? Because if he is having unprotected sex with you but saying he doesn't want another child, that is a VERY mixed message.

If you are pregnant, maybe he will come round to the idea.

If you're not pregnant, I suggest you get some counselling to deal with your feelings about the miscarriage and about not having any more children.

Suzie1wong Fri 15-Apr-16 14:47:58

Hi Emma

Thanks for that

No it wasn't planned at all,we were both happy as we were before the mc.

And yes I use the pill so I am on contraceptives but since the miscarriage and I've also had some surgery for other stuff it's been mismatched with periods pills etc,taking them every day now.

Counselling sounds good it's horrific to learn you may need a hysterectomy.

I think the more people say I can't the more I want it !

I think he would be fuming if I was.

I feel he is just being selfish though as he wont hear me out its just a no!

Like I say I was just coming round to the idea that maybe it wasn't meant to be !

Now I'm like 😱

Suzie1wong Fri 15-Apr-16 14:51:11

That's what test looks like now after 30 mins sorry it's in my bag I'm hiding at work 🙈

Arfarfanarf Fri 15-Apr-16 15:03:53

I see one line.

Is that the control line?

Suzie1wong Fri 15-Apr-16 15:07:23

Yes thanks 😃 That makes my life all that but easier now lol

puzzledleopard Fri 15-Apr-16 17:47:01

I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I had one this time last year and one more recently in October with current partner both times on the pill. I have a child from a previous and very much would like a child with my partner he's also got two from a previous relationship. I would be absolutely gutted if he said no I have to admit and even more so if i was given the time constraints you have been given.

If it was me I would listen carefully to the reasons why he said No and go over the points and start from there. My partner admitted while watching something the other night it made him broody and really got him thinking about another but I know he would say No because Financially we are not stable and it's important to provide for the children we have, even though we have everything we need as I kept from DD. I cannot breast feed due to mastitis when I had my DD causing scar tissue so that and nappies would still be needed so I cannot escape the expense and we probably never will so I know it may never happen even though we discussed before we got together I don't feel 1 is enough for me.

If I had this argument with my partner and I came across that I really wanted another and didn't want to really accept no as an answer. I would be thinking along the lines you said too. I wouldn't want to be accused of trapping anyone either as that is how my partners second child came about from his previous relationship which caused further breakdown of an already broken relationship.

Plus friend was desperate for a baby, her partner said no and tbh most of the reasonings behind his answer seemed fair enough and truthful that he should have a choice too. She said to me if it happened it happened and she told him she was at a safe time of the month using a period tracker for low fertility when it was actually her peak. (Both barmy as not a good way to prevent pregnancy but it's worked for them for over 5 years when she wasnt doing this)

I think she was around 15 weeks when he left because of all the lying and the deceiving and he felt it became all about what she wanted.
She is absolutly gutted and is going to be a single parent to 4 children.

Suzie1wong Fri 15-Apr-16 18:02:21


Thanks for your input and I'm sorry you've been through such a difficult time too.

I guess it was a case of I wish I had met this person 1st of you get me.

I've tried talking to him over and over and he says because of his last relationship breakdown he decided a long time ago before I came about that he would never have another child.

I'm heartbroken that he doesn't want one with me if I'm honest that hurts and not to mention the fact that he doesn't fully understand the pain I'm feeling with the time constraints etc

Last few days though I haven't felt so bad and have started thinking about how good our lives could be now the kids are getting older,I'm just gutted we will never have that bond together so to say.

Money is tight I get that as we're starting a new business too and trying to save for a mortgage so all added pressures.

I just wish instead of an outright no he had been more sensitive.

There was a time a few weeks ago I was angry and wanted to end the relationship but that episode have been wrong and would not just have effected me but our children too.

I could start again but I'm not guaranteed to meet someone who wants the same things and in all honesty I only want that with him so doesn't really make sense lol

Anyway I do love him I think it's time to face up to the fact that my child baring days are over and look forward to more time together.

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