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how long have I got?

(6 Posts)
tiddlesisback Sun 27-Mar-16 16:52:20

I got pregnant at 31 and had a baby at 32 but alone (100% custody, the father walked away).

I'm now 34 and have a sense of a ticking clock.

I've heard someone say that by having 1 baby, you buy yourself time, if you want to have another - is that in any way true?

When should I try again, when is the latest I should try? - 35? - is 38 too late?

The way I see it, there are 2 options - paying to go to a sperm bank, or dating and trying to get into a relationship. I have some money put away and at this point it just looks easier to pay to have another baby (which is within my control including the timing of it), than to try and find 'mr right' when I never, ever even have a night out and haven't even met any single attractive men in 3 years (and might not meet anyone I want to be with fi I go on 100 dates).

Everyone I currently hang out with is a married mum, mostly on their 2nd baby by now. I can't have this conversation with them. Hoping ladies on this board will get it. WWYD?

BoBo90 Sun 27-Mar-16 18:25:45

You're still young. Women have babies well into their 40's so I wouldn't panic just yet!

If you find a new partner there is no guarantee they will want to have a child as soon as you do and obviously you shouldn't try to fall pregnant if they don't want to be a father.

However you never know when you will meet the right man. One day it could just happen 😊 I met my dh, engaged 2 years later, married a year after that and now trying to start a family so it can happen quite quickly smile don't give up hope it will happen for you!

Personally I wouldn't go down the sperm donor route as I believe children have a right to two parents and should at least know who they are (if the father/mother doesn't want to raise them at least the child knows where they came from).
I know some women would disagree and that's fair enough.

I guess I'm saying don't give up on love and consider how your future child would feel about where they came from before you make a decision.

Best of luck to you 😊 Xx

tiddlesisback Mon 28-Mar-16 06:50:18

you shouldn't try to fall pregnant if they don't want to be a father.
consider how your future child would feel about where they came from...

Why on earth would you write those things, especially the first? - does it even need saying? (or maybe that's the way your mind works, but not mine)

Just to educate you a little in return, there are some kids out there in nasty marriages, and kids who are horribly damaged by divorces and break-ups. And also kids who only have one loving doting parent who are much better off.

Cookie22 Mon 28-Mar-16 10:11:55

OP I think you're taking what Bobo said the wrong way & have over reacted slightly. You did ask for opinions on the matter on a forum!

Personally, I think at 34 you've still got many years ahead of you to be thinking about having another child. I agree with Bobo that you should perhaps just wait until you're happy & in a stable enough relationship. This is just my opinion though & from the perspective of what I would do! Xx

MrsJoJo Mon 28-Mar-16 10:27:43

flowers I feel your pain.

I was 28 when my DS was born and in an ideal situation to have another DC very quickly. I obsessed over it but my (now ex) DH had other ideas which didn't involve me.

My life changed completely- from being a STAH mum I returned to full time work as DS started school. I was divorced as he left Reception. I joined an Internet dating site and met someone very quickly...

Fast forward 3 years and we found out I'm pg on Good Friday and he proposed on Saturday. I'm 38, if this is a sticky bean there will be a 9 year age gap and I'll be weeks off my 39 birthday when I give birth.

Dating again was daunting and I was very lucky to meet someone but it was good for me and helped me to shine again after being rejected, pushed away and treated badly. Looking back my hormones made me desperate for another DC and I'm glad I waited. We both want this baby and I'll have lots of support.

Good luck shamrock whatever you decide.

wispaxmas Tue 29-Mar-16 18:51:52

tiddle, I do think you've overreacted to bobo... It may seem like common sense that no one should try to get pregnant against their partner's wishes, but I know of at least one MNer who was trying to do just that back when I was last using the conception boards trying for my first. Terrible behavior, I know, but I don't think bobo was implying that you were planning to do just that.

Anyways, I think you're still young, but you should do what you think feels right for you. I couldn't imagine being a single mum and feeling able to take on more, it must be so hard, but if you really want another child you should explore all options without thinking about some arbitrary time limit. How long you have is totally personal to you - you could always see a fertility specialist and check egg reserves or whatever else they test. That might set you at ease in terms of knowing how long you have.

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