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TTC after a long gap/different father to previous DC, anyone else?

(5 Posts)
BertieBotts Fri 18-Mar-16 14:29:02


I have poked my toe into these boards before but we really have decided to go for it this time.

I got pregnant with DS when I was 19. I was excited at the time (as well as scared, obviously) - but WOW - such a totally different experience. It happened, so I felt scared but then I just got on with it/dealt with it, there wasn't really any choice or decision making to do (aside from an extremely cursory glance, I never even considered a termination really.)

Eight+ years later. DS is 7 now. I have moved country. New relationship, 5 years now, 2 years married. We've talked about it on and off since just after we got married. Always intended to have more DC together. Now we're at the point that we're financially stable, there are no practical worries. I've already put it off for a year because I wasn't sure. We both want it. I feel the ache again - but it's so weird. I had no idea I'd feel like this. I'm veering wildly between such intense excitement that I can't sleep or do anything and then this massive fear. Crowning. Three year olds. That screechy thing they do. Not to mention all of the extra worries which come from doing it in a totally new country. Aaargh. Will I be okay at this?

It took me a while to really believe that we could even do this, that we are "allowed". And now I'm swaying between excitement, fear and a weird adrenaliney excited-fear mix. I have been lacking sleep, which doesn't help.

I've bought folic acid and we've effectively thrown away the condoms. I'm in. But I'm walking around in a state of disbelief as well. Can anybody relate? Does it go away? Does it get easier? Argh! Help!

BertieBotts Mon 21-Mar-16 10:53:23

Bump! The excitement has come down from being quite so overwhelming but I'm still getting moments of jumpiness and anxiety.

I went dancing the other night and kept feeling faint blush

MrsJoJo Mon 21-Mar-16 22:04:49

Share your situation! My DS was born overseas, he is 8... I was 28, nearly 29, when he was born. I returned to the UK, my marriage collapsed and I met someone else. I never wanted an only child, my DP has two DS who are also at primary school but he understands that I want another child before it's too late... He is totally supportive and a great dad & step-dad. Been TTC since Oct now, and totally understand the fears - I'm much older, actually enjoy my job and have regained my professional credibility after being a 'trailing spouse' for some years... I was totally spoilt when DS was born - I used an amazing hospital! I'm sure it will all be ok in the end and this time I know I can do it lol! Good luck!

BertieBotts Tue 22-Mar-16 08:02:28

Hi MrsJoJo smile Nice to hear from someone else in a similar situ. My DH is a fab stepdad too. I get a bit overwhelmed actually if I think about how he will be with his own newborn.

I'm thinking of retraining after babies are basically done. I teach English now to adults but it's frustrating because I'm not getting as much work as I thought I would and it's not really much of a "career" kind of job so although the experience is nice and I enjoy it I am not sure it's for me long term.

MrsJoJo Tue 22-Mar-16 20:50:10

I had the option of teaching English in my time overseas but was lucky to quickly get a job within my profession and then didn't have to work (but I did lots of voluntary work for an amazing organisation which is a bit like NCT). I considered doing a pgce when I returned to the UK but struck gold with a job I love within walking distance of home. Retraining is an easier option if you have the financial support of a DP. Tbh I'm glad I didn't go into teaching now as I think it would have affected my home life more. To be honest I think enjoying what you do is more important when you have kids because it makes it a little easier. Good luck!

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