Young and ttc

(57 Posts)
ThoughtHurricane Wed 09-Mar-16 21:01:24

I'm just about to turn 18 and my partner is 32. We're engaged, about to move in together and we're trying for a baby. We both want this. I'm not looking for lectures about how I'm to young instead I'm just looking for general advice? Or anyone in the same boat as me? Thanks x

Loki17 Wed 09-Mar-16 21:38:44

What kind of advice are you looking for? You are young. However, if you are in a happy, stable and loving relationship and you have the financial means to support yourselves then you are unlikely to be judged. Just because I wasn't ready at 18 doesn't mean that you aren't and there are pros and cons to having kids young and to having them in your thirties. What do you want to know?

ThoughtHurricane Thu 10-Mar-16 06:08:24

Honestly? Just everything haha. We're still ttc (and I have to admit I'm a little impatient). I want to be as prepared as possible!

honeysucklejasmine Thu 10-Mar-16 06:11:37

Do you want advice on TTC? Or on having a child? Or something else? Eavh question is a huge topic so would be helpful to know

wannabestressfree Thu 10-Mar-16 06:24:48

I had my first a week after my 19th birthday and he is 18 now! Love him to bits. My advice would be, be prepared.... save money from working for baby things and when your off. Read up and take your pre natal vitamins.
Most of all relax.... it will happen smile

Loki17 Thu 10-Mar-16 06:31:32

Agreed. Prenatal vitamins, a healthy diet and save as much as you can. You might try downloading an app like Fertility Friend to help you find out how to track your cycle and know when you are most fertile. Good luck!

ThoughtHurricane Thu 10-Mar-16 07:45:46

Both ttc and having a child. I'm already taking my folic acid which I know is important right? I've cut down smoking to a minimum so will be easy to stop completely. Been eating healthily so loads of fruit and such. I want my body to be as healthy as possible to carry my child

honeysucklejasmine Thu 10-Mar-16 07:52:03

Well done on reducing smoking. It's not just essential to stop whilst pregnant... It would be a good idea to stop completely now whilst TTC. And your partner, if he smokes. I appreciate that's easier said than done, but it's just the start of a long list of hard things you'll do whilst pregnant and once you have a child wink

BertrandRussell Thu 10-Mar-16 07:52:16

I know you don't want advice on anything else and you won't listen to it anyway- but do think very carefully about what you're doing. Living with someone is very different to going out with them- and you have to learn how to do it. A tiny baby is a strain on any relationship- even more on one that's brand new. Do you have any family support?

ThoughtHurricane Thu 10-Mar-16 08:07:03

Yes I have family support. We're ready and my partner has totally given up which is huge cos he's been smoking since forever!

underrugsswept Thu 10-Mar-16 08:49:14

Honestly? I would encourage you to make the absolute most of the next few months while you're TTC/pregnant. Enjoy each other's company, act spontaneously, travel.

Having a child is wonderful but it is completely life changing. You put someone else first all the time. You have to cancel your plans when they are sick. You worry about them. For the first few weeks/months you are utterly exhausted. Your body changes permanent in lots of little (and some big) ways. Everywhere you go you will have a mountain of stuff to take with you - prams, nappies, travel cots. You can't flit off on holiday on a whim. You won't have as much time for each other. Your career/education will take second place at least for a while.

You won't begrudge a second of it and it's all worth it a thousand times over but having a child is a BIG, BIG deal. I waited until I was almost 30 and I'm glad that I did because I have so many adventures and years together with my DH to look back on. We have different adventures now (sometimes just getting out of the house is a major achievement) and are so happy with our little family but there's no denying that children transform your life.

BertrandRussell Thu 10-Mar-16 09:01:14

Oh, Hurricane!

Bugger being tactful, I have to say it. Please, please, please think again. At least wait a year until you're used to living together.

Yes, folic acid and giving up smoking (giving up, not cutting down, by the way) are really important. So is exercise and a healthy diet. But so is money, and a settled relationship and work and education and childcare and you.

You have lots of time. Lots of time. Don't rush.

SpeakNoWords Thu 10-Mar-16 09:25:23

Give up smoking completely now. It's too late to stop once you find out you're pregnant. It should be straightforward to achieve given how much you want a child. Put the money you would have spent on cigarettes into a savings account.

Also, if you're working, check out your company's maternity policy and pay. Make sure you qualify (time-wise) for their maternity pay package. Are you registered with a GP? If not, then sign up to one now.

Talk to your partner about finances, and make sure you know your budget for if/when you have a baby. Are you on the same page with regard to parenting methods and choices? Examples would be attitudes to feeding choices, managing sleep, approaches to managing behaviour when the child is a bit older, etc. It helps to be in agreement about these things before you're pregnant so you can be a united team and not argue when you have a small baby/ toddler.

And then, don't rush. I'm sure you are aware that once you have a baby, you have to prioritise their needs above your own wants. This may not be a problem for you, you might be very happy to do that but it is worth considering carefully.

ThoughtHurricane Thu 10-Mar-16 10:18:37

I am 100% commited to giving up everything to make sure my baby is happy. My partner wants this as much as I do and we both have the same views on how we would raise our kids. I get that there's no need to rush and we're certainly not. We're just....ready if that makes sense?

underrugsswept Thu 10-Mar-16 10:20:40

Definitely make sure you can live together first. Being pregnant in itself can be a strain on a relationship because you're full of hormones, worry, excitement etc. When the baby arrives that will be amplified beyond belief.

Having a child is about being less selfish and that starts way before they're actually here - put them first and get some stability before you even start.

SpidersFromMars Thu 10-Mar-16 10:23:56

Please stop trying until you've been living together for a bit. It absolutely changes things.

BertrandRussell Thu 10-Mar-16 10:29:43

Have you discussed what you're going to do about money?

Only1scoop Thu 10-Mar-16 10:32:06

My 'general advice' would be live together for a while and see how things go.

AmyB1986 Thu 10-Mar-16 10:32:23

Hurricane I think if you're ready and your partner is ready then go for it.
It's not easy living together, ttc, being pregnant or having a baby doesn't matter how old you are.

I was 21 when I had my daughter, she's now 8. A bit older than you but still young. Myself and DH had to rush to move out of our parents houses before our daughter was born so your forward planning is a good idea.

We were financially stable but not well off and had people donate their babies unused items or we bought second hand things. We had everything and most of it we didn't use like the baby bath for instance. It was just easier to use a baby bath chair as I had a c-section as well.

One thing I would prepare yourself for is the judgement of other people. I found being young, I wasn't taken seriously and was viewed as a silly young girl despite me being 21! I was given completely unwanted and unhelpful advice about how to care for my daughter, about routines for her and how to be a good parent. I'd get stared at walking with my pram. I did look very very young for my age so that made it even worse. People would talk to me like I was 15 especially when my daughter started pre-school. By then though I had two daughters under 5.

Quit smoking asap I'd say as well. I quit a year before I fell pregnant but it wasn't because we were ttc, the law changed so I couldn't smoke at work so thought I'd just quit altogether.

Life completely changes once you have a baby, everything revolves around the little squidgy thing that popped out of you.

Rodent01 Thu 10-Mar-16 10:41:16

Not going to lecture about age, but even if you were 32 and 32 I would still say "live together for a year before you ttc."

Living with somebody is a big step in itself and is worth trying out before you bind yourselves together with a child.

tabulahrasa Thu 10-Mar-16 10:56:12

Wait a few years...not because you're 17 in itself but because you can only have been with your partner less than 2 years and you haven't lived together yet.

Live together for a while, get married (as you're engaged) then think about children.

Having a baby is something that can rock your relationship even after you've been living together for years, don't do both at once, not if you want the best chance at a good relationship.

BertrandRussell Thu 10-Mar-16 11:02:25

"I am 100% commited to giving up everything to make sure my baby is happy"

I know you are. And that's why you aren't really ready. Giving up cigarettes, nights out and so on is fine. But you are also giving up your education, a big chunk of your growing up time and the possibility of independent financial security. All of which will be incredibly important when your baby is no longer a "little squidgy thing" but a person with needs and wants......

OhShutUpThomas Thu 10-Mar-16 11:05:25

If you don't want people to comment on your ages then why make them a major part of your post?

Jibberjabberjooo Thu 10-Mar-16 11:31:04

Why not live together first? Moving, being pregnant and then having a newborn is stressful, I've done it. You don't have to do everything at once.

Pinkheart5915 Thu 10-Mar-16 11:43:25

Start taking folic acid
Eat a healthy diet
Cut down on alcohol when ttc ( if you drink it), then stop completely once pregnant.
Save money for the babies arrival, babies are expensive.
Once pregnant stop smoking completely

I couldn't of been a mum at 18, but that doesn't mean your not ready. Do think very carefully though.

Good luck!

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