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How do I talk to my husband about starting a family?

(14 Posts)
Spacebound Tue 08-Mar-16 16:12:10

Hi everyone,

My husband and I have been together for 14 years married for 2. I am 30 he is 32. We have spoken about children before and we're both pretty sure we want them, not just yet. When we last spoke about it a few months ago he mentioned sort of in passing about not putting it off for like the next 5 years, laughing because he doesn't want to be that much older. Lately though I have been thinking about it a lot more and I don't know if I should discuss it with him. I know it won't be this year because we have too much going on and next year we have said we want a big holiday but now i have started thinking would it be unreasonable to start trying next year after our holiday to then, if all goes well, to have the baby in 2018.

How or should I even speak to him about it? I don't want to put any pressure on him I would just like to talk about it and see if we're both on the same page, any advice would be great!

Thanks x

RudeElf Tue 08-Mar-16 16:14:33

If you dont know whether you should discuss this with your husband then you've made a mistake in marrying him. You've discussed it up to now, why suddenly worried about talking to him? confused

Annarose2014 Tue 08-Mar-16 16:16:37

Don't frame it about babies, particularly if it's going to be years off.

Its surely part of a wider conversation about a 5 year plan, with all that that entails - housing, jobs, holidays, savings etc. It will probably come up organically during the course of that chat.

I always felt these conversations flowed better with a bit of wine also.

groundhogday79 Tue 08-Mar-16 18:44:32

I was really nervous about talking to my husband about ttc as he had previously said that he didn't want more children (we have 3 between us but none together). Anyway after a few months of discussions we are now trying. In fact he is so enthusiastic it is really cute.

The awkwardness I get. It's odd and hard to explain because it certainly doesn't mean we have married the wrong people angry but I get it. Xx

Iggi999 Tue 08-Mar-16 18:54:44

14 years together - it is a surprise to hear it's hard to talk about it after so long! How many do you think you would want? At 32 you certainly shouldn't be too late, but if you want three or four maybe get a move on. I suspect you do things cautiously, since you waited twelve years to get married? (Not criticising - I am the same! But I wish I'd started ttc earlier).

Spacebound Tue 08-Mar-16 18:58:08

Thanks I appreciate that! Your right it's not a case of marrying the wrong person!! It is an awkward topic and I feel I need to approach it the right way. I don't want him to feel put on the spot or feel like we are in different places because we're not I would just like to discuss the future 😃

groundhogday79 Tue 08-Mar-16 19:00:09

Once we got the conversation going was fine but how do you bring it up in the middle of eastenders!!

Spacebound Tue 08-Mar-16 19:07:25

Ha ha I know what you mean it's just finding the right time!

Spacebound Tue 08-Mar-16 19:09:26

We don't want anymore than 2 but I think I would like to leave a few years in between if we did have more than one. I just worry that we could start trying and it could take years my husband seems to think it will just be instant, I know it doesn't always work that way!

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 08-Mar-16 19:16:32

It really doesn't always work that way, I would think about your age if you want a few years age gap, it really does get harder to conceive and safely carry to term as you get older.

OzzieFem Tue 08-Mar-16 20:35:17

Your husband has already mentioned it a couple of months ago. I would just bring it up as, "I've been thinking over what you said last xxxx about not leaving having a baby for another five years, and think you are right. When do you think it would be a good time to start ttc?"

This puts the ball firmly in his court. As you have already stated it could take you years to conceive, although that would probably depend on the type on contraceptive you are currently using and the fertility rate of you both.

Spacebound Thu 10-Mar-16 12:49:28

I brought it up lastnight with him, just started by talking about our holiday plans for next year. It went really well actually. He said he had been thinking about it a little too. We discussed it and agreed we would start thinking about it the end of next year, actually starting to feel a little excited now 😬

Iggi999 Thu 10-Mar-16 13:08:21

Glad you've had the talk! End of next year for talking more, or for starting trying (once big holiday out of the way). If it's just to talk, I can see this dragging on and on.. You can decide long before if you both definitely want to try (he may have changed his mind). And then think about how best to be physically ready to conceive, diet, vitamins, exercise. And how you can save the money - NOW is the perfect time to start saving for maternity leave etc etc. I'd no idea how much dcs would cost me.

OzzieFem Fri 11-Mar-16 00:53:49

Good luck and happy holiday.

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