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My first baby bomb...

(4 Posts)
BabyBumpHopeful Sun 06-Mar-16 06:34:40

DH and I have been TTC since Jan 2015, and it's not the first time someone I know has announced they're pregnant or had a baby, but this is the first time that it's really hurt.

The person I heard it from is a long time friend from my home country. She and I chat (type) a couple of times a month via an app on our phones so I knew she and her DH were TTC and she knows we've been TTC (but not that we have now started fertility treatment)... but I never considered she'd get pregnant first.

I never thought about them TTC (why would I, that would be odd), but I now realise that in the back of my mind I just expected it would take her a while, just like it's taking us a while.

I think perhaps the way she told me, the callous manner (I'm sure that's just how I took it), is why it's hit me so hard. We last spoke a couple of weeks ago and today she simply said "How's things" and when I replied with "same old same old" she just blurted out "I actually have news..... I'm pregnant and Baby X is due in September". I said congratulations of course, but that's all. We continued to talk and at least she never asked after our TTC but... I just cried.

Why is my body failing me? I know I'm having a bit of a teenage strop about it but it's just not fair! I could go into every other mean and spiteful thing that's running through my head about her husband and their relationship... but I know those negative thoughts are simply jealousy. I would hate for her to know that's how I feel about it. I feel terrible for not being as happy for her as I know I should be, but I'm just not ready.

I think in truth I've noticed our friendship changing a lot and I think this will drive a bigger wedge between us.

Anyway, I don't think I really wanted anything from this except to write down how I'm feeling so anyone else feeling this way knows they're not alone. It doesn't make us bad people, it makes us human. I just try and remember other people's lifestyle choices are not mine. Their reproductive choices do not affect mine, and just because someone else is pregnant doesn't mean I won't ever be or can't be. It doesn't mean I'm less deserving of a baby... not that that helps that immediate feeling of failure, but I hope to get there eventually.

Songsandstitches Sun 06-Mar-16 14:22:57

Hi. I didn't want this post to go unanswered. Your feelings really are very normal. My brother and his wife fell pregnant by accident when my DH and I had been trying for months and I found that really hard. My parents were so excited about becoming grandparents and no one knew we were trying. DH thought I was being horrible being jealous but sometimes you can't help help how you feel. You will get your little miracle and once that child arrives you'll feel like you have never not been a parent. Don't beat yourself up- many, many people feel just as you do and you are not a bad person for it. Big hugs xx

broodypsycho Sun 06-Mar-16 18:58:43

Totally understand how u feel, Aunt Flo is here im emotional and im drunk and don't care what anyone says. A mate of mine announced today she is 5 month pregnant with her boyfriend of 7 months, it's her 4th child to a 4th different father. She had a abortion to a another guy 5 days before she met her current boyfriend. It's hard not to be bitter but we can't help the way we feel. My brothers 18 year old girlfriend gave my parents their first grand child a year and a half ago, it's hard really hard. In an ideal world we wouldn't be bitter or feel jealous but hey Ho it isn't. We're human and it's shit

BabyBumpHopeful Sun 06-Mar-16 23:09:24

Thanks ladies. It is just totally shit. I am, however, feeling a little better today.

Sondsandstitches my 23 y/o SIL is engaged now and she's talking about how she wants to get her birth control stopped asap after the wedding (first half of next year). My other SIL is in a LTR and has just had hers stopped because off issues. She's been talking about getting married on the quiet and she's also talked about having babies.

broodpsycho Oh I'm sorry sad See that's part of the unfair feeling too. People making "poor life choices" (as we see it anyway) and they just seem to get their way. AF too... I hear you. The meds I'm on started AF a couple of days early so I'm also hormonal (it's not getting AF that upset me, I expected it because don't usually skip my period but we think I don't ovulate every month).

I think knowing she's so far along and never said anything and just dumped it on me doesn't help. Maybe if she'd said something like "I know you guys have been trying for a while but I wanted you to know as soon as I found out..." or something like that. Ugh probably still selfish. It's not about me. She shouldn't have to tell me before she's comfortable.

She was "not trying not preventing" and "just taking it easy"... that irks me too I think. I tried that at first, it didn't work... so I turned to learning all about cycles and timing and what not and it's like one of those "oops" pregnancies. It's just not fair!

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