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Is it the right time?

(6 Posts)
JessicaN25 Fri 05-Feb-16 14:20:52

Me and my partner are extremely broody and have been for a while now and have decided to come off the pill and start trying. We are so excited because we have wanted this for so long now but I am worried about a few things.

I worry that we aren't in the best position because I haven't been in my job for very long so don't want my boss to be annoyed that I am pregnant so soon. I am almost 20 and my partner is 25 so I know we are both young and have lots of time but we are settled in our home and in our relationship and it just feels right.

Also, I am worried about how my family will react because my sister can't have children and desperately wants a child so I feel selfish doing this as I know that it will be hard for her but I feel like I can't let that control when and if I have children.

I don't know if we could be more prepared and should wait or whether we should just go for it. Is it normal to feel like this?

justtheonethen Fri 05-Feb-16 20:26:06

I don't think anything really matters if you're ready.

Yes you're young but not exactly children, yes it will be hard for your sister but as you say that can't dictate your decision. Fwiw I am struggling to conceive and my sister had a baby recently, I'm thrilled for her. Obviously I'm jealous but I don't feel anything other then joy at her good fortune.

Your boss won't be annoyed, and even if they are they can't legally show it. One thing to think about is if you have been there long enough to get mat pay?

I waited until we had a house, had savings, had been in job long enough to qualify for mat pay and it's now two years on so with hindsight I wouldn't have waited.

Good luck, sounds like you know it's the right time. smile

JessicaN25 Sat 06-Feb-16 09:06:39

Thank you so much for your advice! Sorry to hear that you are struggling sad I wish you all the best.

I think my sister is expecting it because every time I see her or my mother they ask me if I'm pregnant or if we are trying but she has certainly expressed her opinions about it- mostly negative and says that it would be wrong for us to have children whilst she is struggling.

I have been in my job for 6 months so I should qualify for statutory maternity pay and I'm not sure if they offer anything else. There are 2 women off on maternity leave at the moment, 2 that have just come back and 1 that is pregnant so I don't think they react too badly if I told them I was pregnant (hopefully).

I'm glad to know that you wouldn't have waited, it makes me feel a lot more confident about my decision. We have a savings account specifically for a baby fund that we have been paying into for the last 6 months and are continuing to do so and a spare room that just became "the baby's room" as soon as we moved in and the only thing we have in there is the Hoover!

I am going to go for it, life is too short for what ifs smile

Tryingtowait Sat 06-Feb-16 09:20:05

Hey, when I got pregnant with my son it was a happy accident and I had just moved towns/jobs. I moved on the 12/04 going by dates I conceived on my birthday 14/04 then started my new job on the 16/04! Found out in the May. It was in no way the right time and I can tell you my boss wasn't thrilled especially as 6 of us ended up on maternity leave at the same time. We got there though and money was tight but now I have a lovely 3 year old.

Last june we decided we wanted number two but my sister had been struggling for a year to conceive and my dh sister had just had a mc so we decided it would be insensitive. Now dh is due the 10/02 and my sister 22/02 and we're here just starting our ttc journey and wish I hadn't waited. I think if you wait for everything to be right then you will never go for it

DizzyNorthernBird Sat 06-Feb-16 09:52:39

Don't wait would be my advice. There's never going to be a 'right' time, life will always throw some sort of obstacle in the way......weddings, holidays, new jobs etc....

You can't not start a family because of your sister and that is very selfish of her to tell you to wait. What if you also have trouble conceiving? What is important is how you handle the situation if you do become pg before she does.

I would say get cracking. I waited until I was 34 until the time was 'right', naturally I assumed it would happen very quickly, but I'm now on cycle 12 and having just been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries I'm now looking at a referral for help.

Go for it, everything else will fall into place. Your sis will forgive you.

DizzyNorthernBird Sat 06-Feb-16 09:54:00

And don't worry about work, that's their problem to sort out!

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