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decided to stop trying but feel devastated

(10 Posts)
Kay1 Fri 21-May-04 14:06:34

After 2 years of wanting another baby (ds is now 5), during which i spent 8 months trying to persuade dh to even try and then 16 months on the ttc roller coaster, nothing has happened except constant disappointment each month. Dh has wanted to give up for ages and now really doesn't want to try any more - he is feeling too old and already has 2 older children so doesn't want any more babies. Basic tests have shown nothing is wrong. I've been temping and opk's show that i'm ov'ing and cycle is pretty constant at 27-28 days. After lots of talking (and arguing!) i have agreed that we should now stop ttc but feel c**p. Over the last few days, it seems as if everyone i meet has lots of kids, or babies or is pg and i just want to jump up and down and shout 'IT'S NOT FAIR'. Decided not to do that in the middle of the shopping centre this morning but to do it on here instead!!

Grommit Fri 21-May-04 14:11:26

Kay - It sounds to me like you really don't want to give up hope of another child - you may resent your dh for this decision in years to come. Have you thought of looking into fertility treatment? Or maybe if you stop 'trying' and let things happen naturally? It must be difficult for you - sympathies x

kalex Fri 21-May-04 14:14:36

Cant add anything, but hugs ((()))

BigBird Fri 21-May-04 14:16:13

Kay1....when you say stop "trying" do you mean actually using contraception ? It took be 16mths to conceive number 2 and I was very similar to you, regular cycle, nothing showed up in blood tests etc. I was amazed when it actually happened. I know a few people for whom it has taken years. Can you just carry on without 'trying' or 'not trying' and see what happens ? I knwo it's prob easier said than done. I could never get my head around the idea of 'relaxing' about ttcing. But I had stopped temping etc in the final few mths. Good luck.

Kay1 Fri 21-May-04 14:18:08

I know i do want another child and yes, i do feel cross with him about it already. But, he really wants to stop trying so won't just leave it to chance and see what happens. Also i know that i can't do that either - after so long ttc, i find i know what's happening in my cycle even without thinking about it!

Chandra Fri 21-May-04 14:38:19

Kay1, I have heard of many couple who tried for years and once they decided to stop trying got pregnant. Sometimes the pressure of having a child can put a lot of strees on you and make conception more difficult.

bunny2 Fri 21-May-04 20:21:03

Hi Kay, so sorry you are feeling like this. Has dh had any testing done? just a thought. It isnt fair, Mother Nature can be one hell of a b*tch, but dont give up. If another baby is what you want, you have to keep trying. Bxx

aloha Fri 21-May-04 22:53:52

How old are you? And your dh?

Kay1 Sat 22-May-04 14:44:20

I'm nearly 39 and dh was 45 this week - main reason for him wanting to stop - as he doesn't want to be an old dad still with young kids when he retires. I can really understand that and rationally it makes loads of sense but decisions about having a baby aren't rational are they? His eldest son was 18 a few weeks ago too so that also makes him feel old!

He hasn't yet been for sperm test - well he did actually do the business and went to hospital only to find that you have to make an appt first - theres a 9 week wait and he is now saying whats the point as he wants to stop ttc! I have managed to persuade him to go anyway as if i knew that there was a problem i think i would find it easier to give up.

In the meantime, we have had the 'how are we going to have sex now' conversation and he wants to use contraception. I can't really get my head round that at the moment so it's all a bit difficult. At least we are talking about it lots and i feel a bit better today - thanks for all your kind thoughts................

Flip Sat 22-May-04 15:00:33

Kay1 - you're not alone. At 22 I was told that I wouldn't have anymore children because I'd gone through the menopause. I tried alsorts to get pregnant and every month was upsetting. Everywhere I looked there were pregnant people. We gave up trying Sep 2002 and applied to adopt. That got stressful and in Feb 2003 we decided to have a break from everything. I found out I was pregnant in April 2003 and ds2 was born in November.

The only thing I'd done was take the pill for three months without a break and then stopped. That first month I got pregnant because of the hormone surge.

Put it to the back of your mine and see what happens. Our little angel is a miracle.

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