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TTC after miscarriage - new thread

(1002 Posts)
InsufficientlyCaffeinated Tue 12-Jan-16 13:25:14

I just spotted that the old thread was now closed to new messages so thought I'd start another. The old thread for reference: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2457787-TTC-1-after-miscarriage-looking-for-some-buddies

smellsofelderberries Tue 12-Jan-16 13:42:59

My ERPC is over. It was horrifically traumatic and I'm not convinced I did the right thing at all. Hospital staff were okay but some of them were really unprofessional and I'm going to be making a complaint about one in particular. I thought I would be glad it was over but I really don't feel any better, I feel like I should have let my body take care of it. Right now I really feel like I made the wrong decision and I'm so angry army husband for not letting me go home like I was begging to.

If I ever have to go through that again I'm going to be beyond pissed. Has anyone had any contact with Sands before? Thinking about giving them a call to have a chat.

Llindsey85 Tue 12-Jan-16 13:54:22

smellsofelderberries I cant help with sands but just wanted to say your not alone in feeling like a lot of hospital staff could use some extra training on how to deal with miscarriages and the psychological effects of them. I hope you feel better soon flowers

Melvali I'm not sure when it stopped growing. I had a scan at 7w4d which was ok but measuring small. My next scan was when I went into hospital as I was bleeding and they could only see a fetal pole and no heartbeat but the sack measured 9 weeks. I take from this that it was somewhere around 8 weeks when the baby stopped growing.

LillianFullStop Tue 12-Jan-16 13:54:25

Sorry to hear about the bad experience elderberries sad

the emotional and physical hurt is still raw and new - it will take time and there's no magic formula. just try to look after yourself now. don't forget dh is hurting too. my DH tried to be strong and practical about my mc but doesn't mean they're not hurting.

Hope you are comfortable and resting at home now flowers

Bonxie Tue 12-Jan-16 14:44:48

Thanks for starting new thread Insufficiently

So sorry to hear that elderberries thanks

riddles26 Tue 12-Jan-16 18:21:52

Hello everyone, hoping its ok if I can join you.

Sorry to hear about everyone's experiences, it really is the worst thing ever.

My husband and I have been ttc since June 2014 (but used no contraception for about 6 months prior to that). I was due to have investigations into the cause of infertility at the end of Nov but found out I was pregnant a week before. I didn't feel right just before 7 weeks so went to get it checked out - was told it was small and no heartbeat but that could be due to dates. Between then and my next scan, I started bleeding a lot and they confirmed likely miscarriage at the next scan. The problem was there had been a tiny bit of growth between the first and second scan so they could not do an ERPC until I had a further scan another week later to be absolutely sure but they made it clear not to get my hopes up. I passed the pregnancy naturally before the scan but it was the most painful night of my life. The cramping was so intense and it made me blackout and vomit more than once. At the final scan they confirmed I had passed everything but I am still showing faint positives on HPT 3.5 weeks after it so I have no idea what my body is doing.

I am lucky that the early pregnancy unit and my GP have been fantastic and gave me a lot of support (which I really wasn't expecting) but I don't know how I feel about starting to etc again. I can't bear the thought of it all right now and am petrified of going through this again. I have been doing all the right things in terms of diet, folic acid, caffeine and alcohol in case I change my mind in a couple of weeks.

So sorry to hear about your experience elderberries, I can imagine how awful it must be when the hospital mess up too. Give yourself time though, although I am still struggling, I am definitely a lot lot better than I was last month. It is normal to feel angry - I have felt so angry at so many different things over the past few weeks but I'm sure your husband he just wanted what he thought at the time would be best for you.

darkrosyposy Tue 12-Jan-16 20:54:54

Sorry I didn't reply on the previous thread. I don't get onto the computer very often. I just wanted to thank you for the tips. I'm going to suggest them to her. I have suggested the forum but she's a bit reluctant to talk on here. I might have to give her a gentle push. It could be very beneficial to her. I don't mind getting info for her at all but I think she definitely needs a place to come to for advice.

Fedupithink Tue 12-Jan-16 21:03:35

Hi everyone, can I join?

I'm ttc#1, just started my second cycle. Age 29.

So my story: Started trying December 2014 and was lucky enough to fall pregnant first time. Had a little bleeding that the midwife and GP assured me was normal/old blood. It then turned red and after a scan at the EPU we found out that baby had stopped growing at approx 6.5 weeks even though I should have been 9.5.

Then had a bit of a rough time with the passing and ended up with a haemorage and an emergency trip to hospital in an ambulance and a weekend stay.

Got through all that (relatively unscathed) and found out the earlier bloods showed I had no immunity to rubella. So two MMR jabs 4 weeks apart then wait 3 months for the vaccine to leave my system before trying again.

Sorry that was long! Anyway, started trying again in November, currently on cd4 with AF.

Trying to be hopeful but had somehow convinced myself that as it happened first time last time it would again. Wasn't prepared for the disappointment really and didn't take it well.

So hard not to symptom spot or get my hopes up. My dh is more of a "see what happens" kind of man and I love to plan so this is driving me slightly mad already.

Thanks for reading, and good luck to everyone.

FlourishingMrs Tue 12-Jan-16 21:36:37

Thank you for the new thread, sorry and welcome to the newbies, it will get easier with time.

Thank for for asking it's 5 weeks since D&C positive opk was Saturday 2 January, so 10 Post ovulation, BFN no AF either, my luteal phase is 12 days CM is thick and white so no sign of the witch yet...

I know opk is right because I had a negative test before. DP away next week so won't miss fertile window

Fedupithink Tue 12-Jan-16 22:14:23

Flourishing - do you find using OPKs reassuring?

Hope you don't mind me asking. I've seen lots of mention of them on here but not sure if it's something I want to get into just yet.

One of the hardest things about ttc post miscarriage for me is definitely the lack of naivety/excitement/hope when trying. Like the fun has been sucked out of it all and it's a task to achieve now?

Does anyone else feel like this?

Brenna24 Tue 12-Jan-16 22:19:39

Oh Elderberries. I am so sorry it was rough for you. It is hard enough without the added bonus of staff being unfeeling. If it is any consolation you might get more sympathetic treatment at home but it is a longer, more drawn out process with no guarantees you are not going to lose far too much blood and end up rushed into hospital for a transfusion and emergency EPRC which would be even more traumatic. So it may not have been any better at home. It is still awful they would treat you with anything other than the utmost level of sympathy and dignity. It is such a traumatic process. The staff at our EPAC were really lovely and kind, my niece had a month of trauma, incompetence, misdiagnosis and confusion at hers. It is horrific that anyone should be put through that.

Hi and welcome Gary, Rockhopper Riddles and FedUp. Sorry you are here. It doesn't matter how many other kids you have, you are having as bad a time as the rest of us. Sorry it has been so difficult at work Rockhopper, questions about people's family plans are never good ones to ask, you never know what is going on in their lives. I am sure they mean well though. Take your time in recovering mentally before you go back. Everyone knew about mine and they were all lovely and kind but I was still all over the place for a month and I am still quite down even if I am no longer weepy 3 months later. I found it a lot easier that everyone knew. People were lovely about saying how sorry they were, giving me a hug (those that knew me well enough) and then just making sure I was kept busy with coffee and general chat for the first few weeks.

I delivered the trail cake to my friend tonight, then DH decided to take me out to dinner to a new sushi bar which has opened. It was closed for a holiday, so we went to his favourite burger place (closed for refurb), a steakhouse nearby (30 minutes wait minimum for a table - no wonder with everything else nearby closed) then finally to another sushi place he didn't know existed. It was expensive but lovely. I had spicy ramen with chicken, seaweed, ginger, seaweed, pak choi and sesame seeds. It was really good. I am now in bed early with a very full tummy. DH had tempura and sushi and loved it.

We had the funniest chat when i got up this morning. I heard him say "We need to talk about the Story"
Me "Er, what story"
"The SNORING"
"Oh, what snoring, who was snoring?"
The penny dropped "Was I snoring?"
"Like a trumpet for the last two nights"
"Oh....sorry"

I am terrible. I might have laughed a bit. I may be on the sofa tonight. Apparently he tried to wake me 3 times. Fat chance, when I am asleep I am in a coma. Unless I hear a noise I know I shouldn't like a dog walking to the front door to ask out. That gets me up instantly. But apparently elbowing and shaking me is not filed under something I have to worry about.

Brenna24 Tue 12-Jan-16 22:32:20

I do feel a little bit like that FedUp. I was a bit nervous before because of my age (I will be 38 this month) and I was worried I may not be able to/it would take a while/etc. Then delighted when we fell the second month. I was still realistic about making it to 12 weeks but after a scare and a bleed at 6+6 and the relief of seeing a good size baby with a heartbeat ad growth between then and the next week I actually relaxed and enjoyed it. Until 10 weeks and the crushing realisation that baby had died just after that last scan. This time round I don't have the same worries about being unable to get pregnant but instead now I am worried about staying pregnant. I think it will take some of the excitement away from me and I am worried that I won't even relax after the 12 week mark any more. Time will tell.

I hope your friend does come here Rosy. Even if she doesn't post it may help her to realise that there are a lot of us in a similar place and that may give her the courage to post and join us. She is very welcome.

Theaks Tue 12-Jan-16 22:42:19

Hi there I hope you don't mind I have been following your thread- reading it was very reassuring. I don't have many friends that have had a miscarriage and most of my friends have their families. I am coming up 33 and have had 2 baby losses the first one was December 2014, we had only been ttc for 2 months so was a shock to fall pregnant then to loose at 6 weeks. Our second in August 2015 was a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, our baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. We have had the worse time and feel so saddened to see friends / colleagues to have healthy pregnancies and beautiful babies! Of course I'm so happy for them but upset that it's not our turn yet. Although my husband and I still struggle I think we are ready again. I'm hoping that it will happen for us soon.

Wishing everyone all the luck in the world.

elliej83 Tue 12-Jan-16 22:57:08

Sorry to hear about everyone else's experiences. I've had 2 miscarriages and not had good experiences with NHS employees both receptionists at the doctors.

The first time I called NHS direct out of hours and they told me to call my doctors first thing and get an early appointment. When I found the docs the receptionist said they were full and said "What exactly is wrong with you anyway"

The second time I rang NHS direct, same advice call docs in the morning and they would sort a scan but might be a couple of days. So I called having gone in to work 1.5 hours away and the receptionist said I needed to come in asap even though it was spotting and I panicked and I'd literally just got back to work after a few days sick at 9am so said to the receptionist okay I'll just have to find an excuse to leave and her response was "well is the truth not good enough!!!!"

LuckyinOctober Tue 12-Jan-16 23:09:00

Sorry to hear about your ordeal Elderberries, sounds rotten. If you were treated in a way that made a terrible experience even worse than it needed to be I think you're right to complain, and highlight the need for staff training\ service improvement.

On the note of losing the fun of TTC I can relate to that, I'm finding the process is bringing us closer though and that the more time that passes the more the excitement and hope come back. I don't see us getting the naïveté/ innocence back but I'm too much of a planner for that to have lasted beyond a month anyway.

LuckyinOctober Tue 12-Jan-16 23:12:05

Ellie sounds like your GP reception staff need some training too, have you given feedback to your GP about it?

Brenna24 Tue 12-Jan-16 23:13:49

Hi Theaks and Ellie. I hope you are both upduffed in record time and that this time is your time.

Fedupithink Tue 12-Jan-16 23:17:05

Theaks and Elliej, sorry to hear you have both had two miscarriages and poor experiences with the NHS staff. Don't lose all hope though there are some good ones.

I am terribly needle phobic (never had a blood test until I met my midwife) and hate doctors, dentists, hospitals. I'd luckily never had any issues previously so never really needed anything and so the way my miscarriage played out was quite literally my worst nightmare. But everyone I encountered that weekend and during the many the follow up appointments afterwards were fantastic. Really sympathetic and professional and really listened to my husband who advocated for me.

I was far too out of it to have any idea what was best for me due to the blood loss and shock but I remember feeling very supported and they were very gentle with the cannula/tests/drips etc.

Even the night porters who had to help me to the toilet were brilliant.

I hope none of us are ever in the position of needing any treatment in the future, but if we do, I hope we all meet staff like these.

Fedupithink Tue 12-Jan-16 23:19:03

Lucky I'm definitely a planner too!

Fingers crossed for everyone this month.

FlourishingMrs Wed 13-Jan-16 23:19:31

Hi Fedup,

I am a bit of a control freak and I feel OPK's tell me what my body is doing, therefore giving me some element of control on when we could conceive.

InsufficientlyCaffeinated Thu 14-Jan-16 12:09:55

Well I was definitely going to wait until after my next period but I've stopped bleeding and the pain is down to occasional twinges and I feel a bit, erm, raring to go...blush

Am I mad? I do want to get a new non-pregnant baseline for my thyroid function so I can demand better care for this for the next pregnancy as I was only tested once at the beginning and not referred to an endo so it would be best to wait wouldn't it? But see above re raring to go!

I might join the opk addiction club just so I know when I ovulate and can decide then.

Hope everybody's doing well today

Bonxie Thu 14-Jan-16 12:27:37

I've got thyroid issues too Insufficiently, and am being seen by the endocrinology team. Have you seen the NICE guidelines for ttc and pregnancy?

Bonxie Thu 14-Jan-16 12:27:52

And hello everyone else!

InsufficientlyCaffeinated Thu 14-Jan-16 12:39:40

Hi Bonxie, yes I have seen then. I had seen them last time and my GP assured me I'd be monitored but then heard nothing until it was too late. This time I'm taking a printed copy with me and being very pushy. Final (all being well) appointment with epau tomorrow so I'm going to ask the dr there if they can refer me to endo team prior to conception rather than waiting for a referral afterwards. Otherwise I'll make an appointment with my GP asap and try to get referred. I don't know if the mc was caused by my thyroid but I know it increases the risk and if I can reduce that I absolutely want to

Bonxie Thu 14-Jan-16 12:56:24

Sounds like a plan. Did the GP up your dose as soon as you found out you were pregnant and test your levels?

My tsh has to be really low to get my ft4 in the upper range.

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