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so angry with DH

(19 Posts)
FedUpNowPleaseHelp Thu 07-Jan-16 19:46:08

So I told DH to be ready tonight as I had all the signs on ovulation (pos opk ewcm) you name it, keeps going I can't finish blah blah blah turns out he had pleasures himself this morning during the fertile window I have never been so angry with him in my entire life!

spaceyboo Thu 07-Jan-16 19:54:42

When my husband did this I insisted he finish no matter how long it took. How inconsiderate!!

KP86 Thu 07-Jan-16 19:56:07

And he's not ready again tonight? That's an avoidance excuse, sorry.

FedUpNowPleaseHelp Thu 07-Jan-16 19:58:27

I don't think it's an avoidance excuse as he tried for an hour

Squashybanana Thu 07-Jan-16 20:01:21

Maybe don't tell him to be ready b/c you are ovulating, it makes some men anxious or feel like a 'servicer' rather than just making love. It's not much of a turn on 'be ready tonight I'm ovulating (so you have to whether you want it or not). To reassure you, sperm can live up to 7 days so any 'deposits' in the last few days may make this month not a complete bust.
And try to relax, I know, easy to say....

Loki17 Thu 07-Jan-16 20:07:13

You have got to avoid telling him when you are ovulating. I actively lied to my dh when we were ttc my dd. He'd ask when my fertile period was and I'd tell him that it was the previous week and we'd missed it but I just wanted him anyway! Blatant lie but it stopped his performance anxiety which prevented lack of completion. grin Tell him tomorrow that it is just for fun. If you got your positive on your opk today then you have got 36 hours until ovulation.

Bugmuncher Thu 07-Jan-16 20:58:50

Ahh FedUp that is frustrating. Do you think he feels under too much pressure?

smellsofelderberries Fri 08-Jan-16 18:53:39

Just try again in the morning and if you're not successful this month then try to have more regular sex next cycle.

NerrSnerr Fri 08-Jan-16 19:01:36

It's odd that he can't finish after having all day to recover. Could it be that it doesn't feel sexy because it's just about conception and having sex on a timetable?

I don't know if it helps but when we were ttc we just made sure we had lots of sex, I didn't take notice of ovulation or anything so neither of us felt any pressure.

VestalVirgin Fri 08-Jan-16 20:01:03

Tell him to wank into a plastic cup if he absolutely has to wank. grin

You can always use the turkey baster method.

Relax. wink

Focusfocus Sat 09-Jan-16 05:24:49

If we reversed the genders on this thread - man wants to conceive, then let's woman know when she needs to be ready for sex, then discovers women has dared to masturbate and has no libido and is angry that she cannot perform sexually - what would have been said to the man?

guidinglight Sat 09-Jan-16 09:00:40

Focusfocus - I was just wondering that exact same thing. I had thought about it more generally in terms of being pressured into sex when someone doesn't really want to. I've never really thought about it before but there do seem to be some massive double standards.

BirdsInMyPants Sat 09-Jan-16 09:06:14

Is it acceptable to be angry at your partner for masturbating?

I'd be seriously considering my relationship with DP if he was angry I had done that.

SevenSeconds Sat 09-Jan-16 09:08:39

No, sorry, I disagree with the posters above - I think that if a couple are actively TTC then it's acceptable to expect someone to have sex if they're not really in the mood - and that applies to both sexes.

However, I agree with the posters who say that a day is a long time to recover and maybe this is more about performance anxiety than his morning wank.

Focusfocus Sat 09-Jan-16 09:36:07

"Acceptable for someone to have sex if they are not in the mood"?????

Never. Ever. Ever.

My spine chills at what that sentence implies.

Nottodaythankyouorever Sat 09-Jan-16 09:44:27

Acceptable for someone to have sex if they are not in the mood

No it certainly isn't!

VestalVirgin Sat 09-Jan-16 09:50:04

I've never really thought about it before but there do seem to be some massive double standards.

Nope. There is a "double standard" because a man can "want to conceive" all he wants, he has NO RIGHT to use a woman's body for it. Zero. Therefore, if the woman doesn't want to conceive, well, then there is no "trying to conceive" for that man.

A woman can just go and find a sperm donor. No big deal, and no thousands-of-years history of coercion behind the practice.

There are anatomical differences between women and men, and it hurts women to pretend they don't exist.

We are not shocked that the threadstarter is angry because there is no history of women impregnating men by force. We know that her annoyance will have exactly as severe consequences as her annoyance with anything else her husband does or doesn't do; it will not lead to rape.

While I don't think any man should be required to have sex he doesn't want, the conondrum is, as I pointed out above, easily solved. wink
The idea that partnered sex is necessary for reproduction is very outdated.

bobcat85 Sat 09-Jan-16 09:50:35

I agree with you Focusfocus. If they don't feel like it then they shouldn't be forced, it's dangerous thinking.
It scares me sometimes when I read comments where people will TTC at all costs. Both people should want to do it and not be forced into finishing.

Focusfocus Sat 09-Jan-16 10:24:57

Yes a man cannot be impregnated.

But are we saying it's okay for a man to say he really doesn't want sex r sexual activity and the partner male or female to still expect him to be okay being touched, stimulated by hand or mouth, and then perform penetrative sex? Are we saying a man should be okay with all of this EVEN if he doesn't want it?

I'm sorry I cannot think of any circumstance in life where any person male or female owe it to anybody else to be touched sexually without their willingness.

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