Are you the last one of your friends to TTC? A support group...(3 Posts)
Firstly I would like to say, I am not TTC just to fit in with my friends. All my old school friends have children and my 3 closest uni friends all had babies within 6 months of each other.
3 years on, DH and I now feel ready for kids. 6 months ago, I came off the pill and we have now been TTC for 3 months. I realise this is not very long but I worry I have left it too late at 37, but we waited until we felt ready. We have decided that we would be happy with one child, unless we have twins of course!!
These days, I have found that everything is now centered around children, which is lovely but it just reminds me of what I don't have. It's the little things like arranging to meet up and saying that the pub is child friendly, hearing other people's conversations at work about their kids, Christmas being all about kids... Last night I was in the supermarket and burst into tears after seeing women with babies at every turn!
When I meet up with friends, all we talk about is children and the inevitable questions about when I plan to become a mum. I even get asked by new people at work if I have kids. When I say no I feel I always have to justify why. Friends have even said they don't want to come over to my house as it is 'not child friendly' - I realise they don't want their child to wreck our house but I don't think they realise how much this hurts. (Another friend who has a 3 year old lives next door so we all go there!)
I realise it must be even worse for people who can't have kids or are going through IVF, sometimes people just don't realise how insensitive they are being. You often hear the fact people who have babies feel left out but you don't seem to hear it from the other way around!
Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone else is feeling this way? It is getting to the stage that I will make up excuses not to see friends because I can't bare to sit through conversations about kids and see my pregnant friend. Let's Help each other through this...
Hi, I totally understand how you feel! I am 30, nearly 31, and although being in your 30's doesn't seem old now to be starting a family, I understand your feelings about that expectation 'by your age!' I have so much pressure on me too, from myself mostly but in laws, friends, strangers, colleagues - you name it! I keep putting posts on fb of articles I find about how insensitive mentioning babies is to people without them. Falls on deaf ears!
My younger sister has a bubba too so I always get the 'oh well it will be your turn one day' as it's common knowledge that I am desperate for a dc.
It's such an awful feeling and cuts really deep. People are definitely very insensitive and I hope that if I am lucky enough to become a mummy that I don't make anyone else feel that way.
FX for you and believe me - you're not alone
Hi Margo and Nashley I totally understand how you feel, thank you for starting this thread.
Most of my friends had children at the same time, and all their children are growing up together.
I started TTC 6m ago, at 34. I waited this long not because I'm a ball-busting career-woman, nor because I didn't want to give up my social life, nor because I didn't want to ruin my perfect size 8 figure, but simply because I didn't meet my man until 3 years ago.
I am lucky in that people have not been too insensitive with me, and it's not a secret that were TTC. Although when I came back to work after my wedding it was all 'so are you going to have a baby now?' as if we were just going to order one off Amazon.
I guess that when you start thinking about trying yourself, all you end up noticing is the babies all around!
FX to both of you
Join the discussion
Please login first.