BFP and posh dinner

[BFPickle]

I'm having dinner with large group of friends tonight at a fancy-pants restaurant in London. It is a tasting menu and everyone has the same thing, you can't order separately. It was booked months ago.

I got a BFP this morning and have called the restaurant and they can do me a special menu but having different food to everyone else would out me immediately. They can't tell me the menu in advance either. I can't make up an excuse and not go because there is a £100 fee. I have had miscarriages in the past and REALLY don't want everyone to know. How the fuck am I going to manage this one??

[confusedandemployed]

Why do you need a special menu?

[BathtimeFunkster]

Just eat the normal food.

Congratulations

[BitchPeas]

Why can't you eat the normal menu?

[Duckdeamon]

Congrats!

Just eat the normal menu or say you don't like anything you'd rather leave. It's pretty unlikely you'll get food poisoning at a top restaurant.

The no booze thing could be an issue too!

[OllyBJolly]

Just say you don't like shellfish or soft cheese/pate. No one will notice. Have a bit of toast before you go so it will be easier to leave stuff on your plate. If it's really exotic food - stuffed pigs trotters or pickled livers etc - then there will be others leaving it as well.

bad timing though - missing out on a posh tasting menu.

[BFPickle]

Because it will have rare meat and unpasteurised dairy and stuff you can't have in pregnancy on it.

[Junosmum]

All you need to avoid is runny eggs and pate and uncooked soft cheeses, all of which should be very obvious on the plate and can just be pushed to one side...enjoy.

[BFPickle]

I est everything and under normal circumstances I would eat pickled pigs trotters etc with enthusiasm so suddenly not liking stuff will make people smell a rat. The driver king thing us easier as my and DH will keep swapping glasses so he drinks mine too and gets ratarsed.

[TendonQueen]

Go, get the menu, and then while 'going to the loo' collar a waiter and ask for the substitution of any difficult items. I would say, if anyone notices, that you had a bad experience with pate or whatever recently so they've agreed to change yours as you really didn't feel like it. Isn't it great to get such good customer service? Change subject, move on.

[Duckdeamon]

You can have it, there are just (very small) risks. Many women continue to eat all those things and are fine. If you really don't want different food and don't want friends to know then you could cancel and accept that you will lose the money.

I get it - I once didn't attend a close friend's hen weekend in Europe in early pregnancy because I didn't want to fly after recurrent miscarriages . Was being anxious and irrational but that's how I was at the time!

[BFPickle]

I know! I was really looking forward to this too! The only thing I can think of is have DH eat anything like rare meat off my plate although not sure if we can do that discreetly. It's tiny plates of tasters, not really possible to push to one side.

[mouldycheesefan]

You are overthinking. I had tasting menus at Michelin starred restaurants whilst pregnant I just didn't eat the cheese had the meat well done etc. you don't need a special menu. I have never ever seen a pregnant woman special menu in a restaurant!

[Duckdeamon]

If your friends know others with DC People will notice, eg that you're not drinking (drink swopping won't work btw) or eating differently, but hopefully might be polite and say nothing!

[TendonQueen]

Or say to friends you've not long recovered from a stomach bug (lots of people with this atm) and you didn't want to miss out altogether but your eating habits still aren't fully back to normal.

[FishOn]

Could you say you'd had food poisoning and the doc advises steering clear of anything potentially triggering?

[BFPickle]

Mouldy (good name!), you're probably right, bit sensitive though after miscarriage. I don't think they'll do meat well done, they'd substitute rather than cook something differently (as indeed they should )

[mouldycheesefan]

Tiny plates of raw meat, is it Japanese?

[Teakind]

Congratulations on you bfp! I think when you've had miscarriages you are so worried that you will try and avoid any potential 'risks' if you can.

I would be exactly the same as you. I would go and just eat what you can. Your DH can always give you more of his 'safe' food if you give him some of the ones you don't want to eat.

Also, I'm so paranoid that people will notice I don't drink much these days but then I realised I have no idea how much other drink on a night out. I think we can become so aware of our own behaviour but people are busy enjoying themselves and don't notice.

Have fun!

[BFPickle]

Thank you I'm reassured, I've been totally paranoid in pregnancy before that someone has guessed but I'll try and look natural and hope for the best!

[BathtimeFunkster]

Look, people will guess, wonder, speculate about you being pregnant if you are married and they think it's about time.

Hopefully they won't be indiscreet and will let you away with obvious tells like "being on antibiotics" and swapping drinks.

Know that the risks at such a high end restaurant would be very low even if you had a placenta, which you probably don't yet if you just got your BFP today.

By trying to avoid certain things you will be mostly acting out of superstition. But do whatever you need to.

Enjoy your night with your friends, try not to worry, eat as much as you can without freaking yourself out, don't worry too much about people guessing.

Imagine if you hadn't bothered testing until tomorrow - you would have eaten it all and drank rings around yourself and it wouldn't have made any difference :)

Best of luck. I hope this one sticks

[artisanroast]

I don't know if this is too late but I personally would take a slight 'fuck it' approach...

I was invited to 3 very fancy dinners whilst pregnant - 2 tasting menus and one superbly cooked 3 courser. Having taken all risk factors into account I chose to eat everything offered except the oysters. That included blue cheese and rare red meat. I even had a small glass of wine but I was past 3 months by then.

I appreciate early on you are perhaps quite nervous but the risk is tiny.

Before every meal I had a logic versus 'what the NHS recommends' mental tug-o-war in my head. Do what you feel is best for you.

Good luck

[BFPickle]

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. I went with 'fuck it' in the end and ate pretty much everything that's on the banned list. It was bloody good though .

[BathtimeFunkster]

Glad you had a good time :)

[artisanroast]

Haha! Glad you enjoyed your meal

[mouldycheesefan]

Oh gosh I would not have done that! But I had five years of fertility treatment to have my children so I was very nervous about everything!