Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

[Daisyboo1203]

Hi Jessie
I was just reading the last 3 pages of last thread. Oh, what a roller coaster!! I was hoping for fantastic news from you! Xxx

[Daisyboo1203]

My stats.
41 single, so trying with donor.
Tried regular way, then IVF. One IVF round, and one FET. Both times Hcg increase ((BFP), then decrease..
Hopefully going for next IVF early Feb in Cyprus

[SparrowSG]

Thanks for starting the new thread Jessie

My stats are:
40 and a half
Started dating DH in Jan 2012 and married by September!
Began TTC in October 2013, pregnant in Jan 2014, abdominal ectopic in Feb 2014. Also discovered after having a laparoscopy during ectopic treatment that I have mild endometriosis.
Started TTC again in October 2014 and no luck since then.
After some private and NHS testing this year all results are good, just 'unexplained infertility'.
Will discuss possiblity of IVF in Europe in the New Year if nothing happens before then.

Have had four friends give birth to 1st babies this year in their 40th year, so hoping lady luck will be swinging by my house sometime soon!

[AnnieHoo]

Found you! Hope all the other 40+ ladies out there ttc no.1 find us too!

My stats - 42, DH 45, TTC#1 for 3yrs, 4MC

Hope you're ok Jessie, thank you for starting the new thread.

AF arrived today so that's my "I'll give it until Christmas" deadline out the window. I don't know why I bother with these deadlines.

[Loueeza]

Yippee ... a brand new thread! Thank you, Jessie ... beautifully written intro.

Before I say anything else, here are my stats (oh, and I'm Loueeza, formally HS26 - loved the discussion on the old username at the end of the last thread, by the way ... especially the comment about it reminding you of R2D2. As affectionate as you were beginning to look on it, though ... I've plumped for a new name for a new thread. No real reason behind it ... just a sort of nickname, like yours, Jessie. Spelt it Loueeza because plain old Louisa in many guises was already taken, needless to say.

Anyway, waffling already. As I said, here are my stats:

Age 42 (just ... eek!), DH about 10 years older, met when 39 but had some serious persuasion to do before could start TTC. Now TTC 15 months with not a sniff of a BFP, unless you count a suspected chemical month 1 (but didn't take a test, so no proof). All fertility test results 'normal', apart from lowish AMH and low natural follicle count. About to do first IVF.

Would be wonderful to get a BFP before having to start IVF. Not likely, but ever hopeful! :-)

[Loueeza]

Jessie ... sorry if you're trying not to dwell on it, but I really wanted to say how sorry I am for your recent disappointment :-(

Do you think you will continue testing before af? Apart from one time, I haven't tested before af due day at all (and that time I thought I saw a faint shadow of a line!), but sometimes I wonder if I should, just to find out whether we are even getting 'half way there'. I'm torn between wanting to know that, and trying to protecting myself from the horrible disappointment of a short-lived chemical.

I do suspect though that I might have had chemicals twice or even three times in the over a year we've been trying. Just based on slightly 'odd', slightly delayed cycle months. As I said though, as I didn't test, I'll never know.

Anyway, I should stop rattling on and let someone else contribute to this new and exciting thread!

Hope everyone is OK ... especially you, dear Jessie. xx

[Rememberallball]

Evening Jessie and all you other lovely 40+ers xx

Firstly massive apologies for neglecting this group over the last couple of months. Things have been hectic since the wedding in September.

Here are my stats.....
Rememberallball age 43 years and 340 days!! Been ttc since Septembef 2014 having met, now, DH in May '14 and realising we'd met our forever partner. Previous relationships have led to 2 x bfp but 1 ended in STOP for anencephaly and the other in mc.
After 6/12 trying GP started testing - LH and FSH good for age; progesterone levels not always indicative of ov so possible that I have regular anovulatory cycles. DH SA is fine (bloody perfect and then some actually!!) After more months of trying with not even a hint of a bfp referred to fertility clinic. TV uss showed maturing egg on 1 ovary and 2 smaller one on other ovary. AMH is 1.85 and fertility consultant believes little chance of conceiving without donor IVF and, because of my age, no nhs funding available.
GP happy to support us with continuing ttc and any subsequent bfp; would support any application for fostering or adoption or if we chose to go abroad for IVF.
We've ordered "It Starts With An Egg" book; are taking B Complex, vit D, high dose folic acid, low dose steroids (only treatment I'm on for rheumatoid arthritis) and calcium supplements. Have been booked in for HyCoSy on Monday morning so having to abstain this cycle.

Will continue to fx for our bfp and for everyone else on the group cx

[JessieMcJessie]

Rememberallball congratulations on getting married . Hope you had a fab honeymoon. I know I'm sounding like a broken record/pyramid saleswoman but look carefully at the DHEA chapter in that book - it can't hurt.

Are you open to egg donation? DH is still in "not ready to think about it yet" mode, and I am a bit on the fence but the more I read the more comfortable I feel about it so if our next IVF fails I'm going to ask him to give it some proper thought.

Annie I hadn't realised till you put it in your stats that you had had as many as 4 MC. I am so sorry, it really puts my paltry one day of thinking I was pregnant this month into perspective. When you said you'd give it till Christmas, did you mean you'd start using contraception in the New Year, or just try to stop thinking about it? Anyway by my calculation 28 days from yesterday is still before Christmas so you might just make your deadline...you certainly have a whole fertile window between now and then. As to why we give ourselves deadlines I suppose it's just a human instinct to try to wrestle some control over a totally uncontrollable situation. Like I've said we'll try IVF 3 times and then give up. Easy to say now..

Hi also to Loueeza (the artist formerly known as HS26/R2D2), Daisy and Sparrow.

Loueeza if I have learned one thing this month it's about testing. Previously I have been testing from about 11 dpo as I my curiosity just gets the better of me and I have a stock of cheapo strips. I've found that getting a BFN before AF has actually helped me not get my hopes up too much. The one other time I got a BFP, (my last chemical back in April) I was still getting positives for ten days after AF was due so didn't feel that an early test had been a mistake. This time it was a massive kick in the teeth and so I am resolved it will be no less than 14 dpo from now on.

Looking at the above I've just realised that this thread is in danger of becoming one of those where each new post goes through all the previous posts and namechecks everyone. I am too lazy to do that every time and I may quite possibly sometimes just come on here and bang on about myself without even acknowledging any of you . Doesn't mean I don't care! Just warning you in advance...

IVF follicle count scan booked for 11.15 tomorrow and then I'll be on the injections for the next 2 weeks - I'm prescribed a mega does this time (all the way up to 11, basically) to get as many eggs as possible and increase the chance of a good embryo. No drinking for me over the festive season, deeply annoying and of course everyone will assume I am up the duff. Bah.

[citybumpkin]

Hey Jessie, hope you're doing as well as can be expected?! Onwards and inwards and all that

Great introduction there! I'm a newbie so still feeling a bit like an outsider but my stats are: 39, OH 54, TTC2 months, recent fertility tests.

I just want to echo your comments re the media. Not all of us are career minded, money focussed women who don't give two hoots about having children. Everyone has different circumstances whether it be not meeting Mr Right, failed relationships (me) or health. My middle finger is firmly extended at some of the press.

Helllloooooooooo all!

[citybumpkin]

Ok so some help needed re supplements. Pregnacare and COQ10 have arrived. Which of my plethlora of vits can I ditch? Currently taking: multi vit with iron; eve primrose; vit D; vit B complex; royal jelly; folic acid; omega 369. I'm thinking ditch folic; D; B and multi vits?!

I've also given up drinking. Two weeks now...

[OldFarticus]

Newbie here. Am a whisker over 40 2 months

Just finished first round of IVF this month. Not required for fertility reasons as far as we know, but I spent much of my early 30's having cancer and then chemo and so (no doubt to the disgust and horror of the DM) I delayed kids in order to concentrate on remaining alive

DH and I have three frosties which are waiting for genetic testing and I am bricking myself. If they have my dodgy cancer gene, it's back to the drawing board. If they "pass" then it's egg transfer in January. This would be hard even if I wasn't an old crone!

Hellooo all you lovely ladies and

[JessieMcJessie]

I'd ditch the royal jelly city, read somewhere it has no research supporting fertility benefits. I also think you get the same vits in Pregnancare as in a multivit, and poss the vit B is in there as well. D is really important for conception so probably also in the Pregnacare.

I take 7 Seas Trying for a Baby which says on the front it has Vit D. I tried Pregnacare but the tablets were huge and made me choke; the 7 Seas seem to contain all the same stuff and are tiny - they also come in a litle pack marked with the day like a Pill packet so helps me remember if I already took one.

Here's tip for you. Do not EVER click on a thread on Mumsnet that has a title like "I'm 41, should I have a(nother) baby?", thinking you might find a few nice over 40s conception stories to cheer you up. There lie demons.

Yes, there will be a core group who say "I did it, it's great, go for it" but there will be literally legions of women lining up to say how having a baby over 35 is a hugely selfish act practically tantamount to child abuse because you will leave him/her an orphan or full-time carer at a young age and he/she will be ridiculed at the school gates for having a Granny for a Mum. The other old chestnut they trot out is that you will be "so tired" because said poster is now 40 with 3 school age kids and is "totally exhausted and can't imagine having a young baby now". Er, it's the kids that make you feel old you moron, not your age. We've had a LOT of rest in our 30s and will be absolutely fine.

Sorry, I'm ranting. MN is great, on the whole.

[JessieMcJessie]

Hi OldFarticus. I'l try not to abbreviate that to "Farty". For a minute there I was thinking that DM meant "Dear Mother " and was horrified at your Mum's lack of compassion.....then I realised it was DM, of course .

What a tough time you've had. So glad to hear that the cancer is behind you and that you are still able to get pregnant with your own eggs. Is it some consolation to think about how amazing science is that it is even possible to test an embryo for the cancer gene? When wil you find out the results?

[JessieMcJessie]

Then realised it was "Daily Mail" I mean...

[citybumpkin]

Thanks for the tips Jessie! I just want to make sure that I'm not missing out on anything but also don't want to rattle!

Yep, agreed re evil threads. A woman (or man) can be a great parent whatever their age. I struggle with the (my) age thing sometimes but it only just hit me while reading one of the aging threads, the older you get the less sleep you need. Please remind me of this should City Mk2 appear in my life!! I'm older and hopefully wiser with a whole lot to offer. Same goes for DP who is fitter than most men his age - and is most definitely not a "grandpa".

[OldFarticus]

Don't worry Jessie, I have been called worse!

It's a lot of consolation - I am a converted science geek. Not only am I likely to live to a decent age because the risk has been identified, but I can make sure than any DC don't inherit that risk. Truly humbled by how jolly clever the genetics folk at CRGH are

And yes, it's the Daily Mail. My actual DM is lovely luckily

[citybumpkin]

Farty (can I call you farty?), great news all round. The mind boggles at how they manage to work out genetics. Hopefully positive test results will be on their way. Fx.

[Rememberallball]

Hi Jessie, I would certainly push for us going down the route of donor eggs if we could afford IVF and the additional costs of being an egg recipient. DH on the other hand worries that as any egg isn't 'mine' that I might feel differently to if it was - not that I think I would; it would be my body growing our child and going the hard work!! He feels the same way about adoption and worries that he mght not be able to love an adopted child the same way as his older two.

[Loueeza]

Welcome OldFarticus ... love your screen name! Sounds like you have been through a lot and now there's a lot to feel hopeful about. Fx for you as far as the IVF goes!

Jessie, your comment: "We've had a LOT of rest in our 30s and we'll be absolutely fine" virtually has me rolling on the floor with laughter right now. Oohhhh soooo true! I actually feel like I have MORE energy right now than I did in my 30s because I'm a bit more chilled out (apart from all the TTC stressing, that is, but that's just sporadic ;-)

I went to the hairdressers' today and guess what .... TWO (not one) stylists (out of 3) with huge bellies. Thankfully the third stylist with the non-pregnant belly did my hair so I didn't have to make small talk about due dates etc. .... lol! I'm not really such a jealous old cow .... ;-)

[Inshock73]

Can I be a cheerleader on this thread? :) It feels wrong to lurk in the shadows and for all of you to be unaware I'm reading your posts. Some of you might recognise my name because I've posted on the other 40+ thread. For those who don't I posted for about 18 months before having my daughter in April this year, first time mum at the age of 42. Like most of you I didn't think it was possible or ever going to happen... :) Rooting for you all!

[Loueeza]

Thank you so much for that, Inshock73 :-)

That's the sort of story we definitely need to hear. I feel like there are a lot of stories about people who conceived really quickly at 40 or over, and a lot about those who struggle for a really long time (regardless of age) because of various specific fertility issues - not to minimise those at all, I hasten to add - but not so many tales of those who took a while simply because of age ... but got there in the end!

I'm definitely at that stage where I just can't imagine it happening, so this does give me some hope. Glad you 'came out of the shadows' and posted :-)

[JessieMcJessie]

Yes, makes me wish I could edit the OP and invite everyone with a success story to share it here!

[Loueeza]

Oh, and Jessie ... no drinking for me this Christmas either as I will have started on the drugs too. So you'll have some company at least

We will just have to eat more cake and chocolate to dull the dullness

[citybumpkin]

Agreed some lovely Inshock73 type stories wouldn't go amiss. Support and positivity is vital Sorry new to this but can you change the thread title?

[JessieMcJessie]

Unfortunately thread titles aren't editable by the OP, let's just hope people read this far down.

I think you know loueeza that there's no medical reason not to drink while taking IVF drugs i.e. It won't make you sick or definitely inhibit the effect of the drugs or anything but it is only common sense that boozing will not aid conception and it's crazy when going through all that not to do everything possible to maximise our chances. So I might have one glass of red with Christmas dinner but need to be strict to avoid that "just one glass" thing happening night after night throughout the festive season.