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Has anyone donated their eggs? Would welcome a voice of experience

(10 Posts)
Lockheart Tue 17-Nov-15 22:21:21

(Regular poster, NC for this)

I have recently been approached by my oldest and best friend, wondering if at some point in the future I might consider being a donor for him and his (male) fiance. They are due to get married in the spring.

I would dearly love to do this for them if I can, but I know it can be a difficult process. I do have a problem with needles, although I am trying to improve that. It will of course be a few weeks during which there would be very regular appointments etc, and I would worry that if I was in full-time employment whether I would be able to do that. Can it count as medical leave?? (I'm guessing not).

It's all very new at the moment and there is no urgent rush at all, but if anyone has any experience at all - positive OR negative, I would be very grateful if you are able to share it.

I am currently single and have no children of my own. This was not always the case; I joined Mumsnet a few years back when I was in a serious relationship and beginning to think about having children. I am still undecided as to whether I would ever want to have any children of my own - I think it will depend on whether I ever meet anyone. I am completely undecided right now, and am in no hurry. I am in my mid-twenties, so time enough yet!

SesameSparkle Wed 18-Nov-15 00:13:59

Hi, hopefully someone will come along to talk from personal experience. I would only say that the hardest part of this process is the emotional investment, while the treatment itself is just a few weeks of disruption and discomfort. I suggest you check out baby belly kelli on YouTube for a fantastic insight into what it takes.

5madthings Wed 18-Nov-15 00:19:29

Yes I have donated eggs and my recipient had twins smile

I am off to bed now and am out tomorrow for a 20wk scan. But will come back to this tomorrow afternoon.

You could look at altrui online they have info from.those who have donated
Your situation is slightly different as it's to a known couple, are they wanting or are you wanting involvement in any resulting child's life? There is a bit more to think about for you but I can fill you in on the physical side etc.

LadyCassandra Wed 18-Nov-15 02:09:31

I have donated. Will post later too, or PM you

pinksummer Wed 18-Nov-15 07:38:44

I donated about 14 years ago when I was 24. For no reason other than I wanted to. I was in full time work and the only time off I took was 2 days, one to harvest the eggs and the day after to recover. I was lucky in that I walked to my hospital appts in my lunch hour.
Maybe it's because I was young but I felt fine during the drug taking stage.
Feel free to ask me anything else.

ohjessie Wed 18-Nov-15 07:42:02

Am watching with interest as this is something I have been considering lately too

StrawberryTeaLeaf Wed 18-Nov-15 07:45:54

Are you aware of the activism by unhappy donor conceived individuals OP?

Have you read accounts of DCI meeting donors in adulthood (both happy and unhappy)?

Lockheart Wed 18-Nov-15 11:29:01

Thank you for the information - I'll check out the youtubers and websites you have recommended when I get back from work later.

Strawberry yes I am very aware that some donor-conceived babies grow up and are unhappy when they find out they have been donor-conceived. Some of course are OK with it. I think the key difference for me is that I am not a stranger to the couple I would be donating to - this is my oldest and best friend, and someone who I would hope I am in contact with for the rest of my life. So rather than one big "meeting" when the child is 18 (or whatever age they chose to find out), they would hopefully already know me. It is a very strange thing to think about, and it is something I need to weigh up.

And it's worth remembering of course that having biological parents around does not necessarily confer happiness either - I speak from experience.

At the moment we are still in the very early stages of discussing it - I was only approached very recently to see if I might consider it. I have a lot of questions for them, and how much I would be involved, or how much they would WANT me to be involved, is one of those. We will be having a proper sit down talk about it in a couple of weeks, when my friends fiance returns from exercises (he's in the military), and after that we will all have a much clearer picture of where we stand.

Thank you all again for your help. I am going to try and concentrate on work now but will be back later!

LadyCassandra Wed 18-Nov-15 11:57:30

Sorry, I haven't had time to get back to you, but I will say that as a donor and as the relative of the recipient, I would say that the counselling we had as an individual, couple (with my DH, and the relative's DH) and group, we were advised that the current thinking is that the child(ren) born, and any other children born (ie my children) should be told as early as possible so there are no surprises. We were told it can be damaging for children to find out in their teens that they have what is effectively a half-sibling that they didn't know about.
What this means in realistic terms is that my children know that [relative] couldn't have a baby because she didn't have any eggs, so mummy gave her some. The child born as a result of the donation has a really good book about how she came to be. The hope is that as they get older this will fall into place for them all.

StrawberryTeaLeaf Wed 18-Nov-15 18:01:28

Yes that does make a difference. What also makes a massive difference is whether the child will know all along who contributed the genetic material that enabled their conception.

And it's worth remembering of course that having biological parents around does not necessarily confer happiness either - I speak from experience.

Indeed not. But don't confuse happiness in your family of origin with confusion about your genetic identity. They are two separate issues, really.

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