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We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

(1000 Posts)
ChatEnOeuf Mon 12-Oct-15 12:43:38

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

ChatEnOeuf Mon 12-Oct-15 12:50:31

DCs: DD, 4 and DS who will never grow old
TTC: Jan '14/Jul '15
Fur babies: 1 neurotic tabby

lildottie Mon 12-Oct-15 12:56:09

Name: lil
Age: 30
Ttc: since Nov 12, ivf Jan 15, mc feb 15, ivf sept 15
Dcs: none but currently incubating 1 or 2 poppy seed sized embryos!

LondonGirl83 Mon 12-Oct-15 13:06:00

Name: London
Age: 32
TTC: since August 2015, bfp in September, mc in Oct 2015
DCs: none
Fur babies: two giant ragdoll cats

AreYouTheFarmer16 Mon 12-Oct-15 13:08:22

Name: Farmer
Age: 34
TTC: Since July 2015
DCs: None
Pets: 1 dog

NFMV stopping the stupid pill means dastardly spotting is making it difficult to know wtf is going on, but I think my cycles have gone from 48 days down to 42, which has got to be good news huh? confused

KeepTheHope Mon 12-Oct-15 13:37:40

Name: Hope
Age: 26
TTC: since September 2015
DC: none

Farmer I would say that can only be a good thing!

I looked at the stats before I posted and nearly had a heart attack when it said I was 26. I somehow completely forgot that the last 3 years happened! I've also been sitting at my desk for 2 hours before realising someone had left chocolate cornflake and brownie bites on it.

jellypi3 Mon 12-Oct-15 13:47:03

Oo new fred, my one didn't last long did it!!

Name: Jelly
Age: 25
TTC: Since August 2014
DC's: None - currently baking a 24+4 monster who is kicking me in some uncomfortable places right now!
Pets: Two giant cats (Maine Coon and Ragdoll)

Runner05 Mon 12-Oct-15 13:55:30

Yay! New Fred

Name: Runner
Age: 34
TTC: not starting until Dec15
DC: 2 step troubles

FeatheredTail Mon 12-Oct-15 13:58:04

Name: Feather
Age: newly 32
TTC: since May 2015, BFP May 2015, miscarried June/July 2015, BFP again 5 September 2015.
DCs: none yet - but hosting a rasberry sized foetus of 8+5 who is sapping all my energy and replacing it with nausea.
Pets: still none, sadly. Can I borrow a cat?

LondonGirl83 Mon 12-Oct-15 14:15:18

You can borrow one of my cats Feathered

ps: my girl likes to piss on everything at the moment [Grin]

FeatheredTail Mon 12-Oct-15 14:33:50

Tentatively accepts pissy cat from London grin

Peenut Mon 12-Oct-15 14:42:32

NEW FRED. Yay! Gad to hear we are still worshiping that Womble Conker.

Name: Pee
Age: 35
TTC: Came off the pill Dec 14, fumbled around a bit and started trying 'properly' May 15.
DC: None
Pets: One spotty dog.
Last peed on: Greek pregnancy test

honeysucklejasmine Mon 12-Oct-15 15:26:45

Name: Honey
Age: 29
TTC: Aug 14, MC Sept 14, BFP June 15
DC: cooking a 20+5 stubborn monster
Pets: 1 bird murderer, 1 moth catcher.

FuzzyOwl Mon 12-Oct-15 15:42:26

Name: Fuzzy
Age: In denial
TTC: Since September 2015
DCs: One DD
Fur babies: <gulps> Seven cats. Did someone say they wanted a cat?

FeatheredTail Mon 12-Oct-15 16:05:46

gladly accepts another cat from Fuzzy

honeysucklejasmine Mon 12-Oct-15 16:11:20

Fuzzy my cousin has between six and twelve cats at any one time, don't worry.

Although, she does work for Cats protection as a fosterer. Six are hers.

justtheonethen Mon 12-Oct-15 16:47:22

Name: just
Age: 33
TTC: came off pill August 2014, started trying properly December 2014.
DCs: none <bitter>
Fur babies: 1 moth chasing cat, 6 chickens, one of which laid her teensiest first egg today, like a quails egg!

yb normally ice on cd 13/14. Think I must have iced early though as o ok today (first one this cycle) was really faint. So with dp being away until Friday and not shagging til Sat am I think I've missed my chance this month.

If boobs started hurting Sat I must have iced Friday? On cd10. What do we reckon wise ones. I need to somehow figure out when to go for day 21bloods. Was banking on them being next week not this week when I'm going to struggle to leave work early.

justtheonethen Mon 12-Oct-15 16:48:04

I would love seven cats.

FuzzyOwl Mon 12-Oct-15 16:54:12

Honey I briefly helped out at a dog and cat rescue centre, but couldn't stay when they changed insurances. Just as well as I really couldn't afford the new additions to my household!

Three of the cats are rather elderly ladies now but don't worry Feathered, they all have full bladder control (at the moment, anyway).

They are fantastic little pals of mine Just. CD10 sounds quite early. Do you often have a fluctuating ovulation date?

Illiria Mon 12-Oct-15 17:07:09

The witch is here :-( had a complete wobble last night and declared I didn't want to do this anymore. Decided this morning that it was the pain talking and as we can fit in two more cycles to round off our four iui attempts before Christmas then we should try.

Back on the diet wagon as well.

Name: Illiria
Age: 32
TTC: since April 2014
DC: one neurotically insecure rescue cat

lildottie Mon 12-Oct-15 17:08:26

just I've had pre ov sireboobs before. Do bbt tomorrow am and compare to past charts. It won't be a definite or exact answer but may help, and keep doing the opks. If you have to fudge day21s go a day or two later rather than earlier I think (based on true ov). So if you did ov Friday, go Monday latest if you have to do next week.

lildottie Mon 12-Oct-15 17:09:26

X post ill, so sorry. Was really thinking that opk was a good sign for you. Keep going. You will get there. flowers

honeysucklejasmine Mon 12-Oct-15 17:14:33

By the way, does anyone want my last Stork?

justtheonethen Mon 12-Oct-15 17:27:47

Oh I have wanted to try that honey can I?

justtheonethen Mon 12-Oct-15 17:28:58

Sorry ill flowers

I'm going to hope i haven't iced then lil, ill do bbt tomorrow and compare.

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