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Really angry at DP, might as well give up now?

(19 Posts)
LouiseBoo Tue 01-Sep-15 20:18:57

Hi, so I'm considering just giving up now (for this month).

We had sex once at the beginning of my fertile window and tomorrow is my supposedly most fertile day (by vigorous calculating and tracking over months).

I'm really angry because today my DP masturbated, which means the sperm he produces tomorrow when we DTD won't be as good a quality that it could be! I haven't expressed my serious upset to him, but I just feel like crying. He knows too well that he shouldn't masturbate the day before my most fertile day!

By how much have we sabotaged are chances this month? His sperm won't be as good by tomorrow, I've heard you shouldn't have sex every day TTC as the sperm equality isn't as good.

Is it a big factor? Or will it be okayish? We haven't had sex in 5 days due to work commitments.

Thank you x

CheddarGorgeous Tue 01-Sep-15 20:26:37

You need to calm the hell down. It will make little or no difference.

How long have you been trying for? Are you stressed about it?

Keepatit Tue 01-Sep-15 20:28:40

I wouldn't have thought it would make a mega huge difference.

How long have you been ttc?

MummyBex1985 Tue 01-Sep-15 20:31:35

Hi Louise

I'd be royally pissed too. Men are asses at times flowers

Bragadocia Tue 01-Sep-15 20:31:48

Structured plans like 'sperm meets egg' advocate sex daily around ovulation, so I can't see why it would be a problem from a conception point of view.

Granted, I can see why it would be annoying if he had agreed not to.

Chippednailvarnish Tue 01-Sep-15 20:31:48

I mean this kindly, but I think your stress levels are more likely to stop you conceiving than his right hand.
Seriously try to calm yourself, you are putting a lot of pressure on both of you...

jessplussomeonenew Tue 01-Sep-15 20:41:03

Sounds to me like he's actually increased your chances as 1 day old sperm (even if a slightly reduced quantity due to ejaculating yesterday) is generally better than 5 day old sperm...

I know it's tough (we TTC for over 2 years) but I'd definitely recommend trying to keep sex regular and enjoyable, rather than obsessively timed.

FrancesOldhamKelseyRIP Tue 01-Sep-15 20:46:56

Saving sperm up like that is not currently recommended. He won't have harmed your chances in any noticeable way. I know it's tough, but take a deep breath and unclench.

Oysterbabe Tue 01-Sep-15 20:55:55

The month I got my bfp we DTD twice a day for the two weeks covering my fertile window.

Emzlou15 Tue 01-Sep-15 23:37:38

TTC shouldn't be regimented. Chill have a glass of wine and have sex when you feel like it not when your calculations tell you you should do it. The happier the both of you are the better chances you have of getting pregnant. You stress him out he'll produce less anyway. Instead of getting annoyed why don't you just speak to him ask him why he did it and tell him how it made you feel.

TeamBacon Tue 01-Sep-15 23:42:41

I mean this in the nicest possible way... But TTC turns the best of us fucking batshit.

If he had a test and had to abstain for a couple of days beforehand, it would be different, but this will make little to no difference to you.

Best bit of advice I got from my GP - have sex every other day throughout the month. Don't just restrict to fertile days. Keeps everything flowing /rejuvenating, etc

KitKat1985 Wed 02-Sep-15 09:26:15

I agree that you just need to relax a tad (and I mean that in the nicest possible way). I seriously doubt it'll make any difference to your chances for this month. Also I know it's really hard when you're in the TTC mind-set but do try and keep a little bit of romance / spontaneity up when you're doing the DTD, rather than be too textbook about it and plan your sex life around your calendar.

StoneFoxMama Wed 02-Sep-15 10:19:32

It sounds like it would be an advantage that he did, 5 day old sperm is going to be useless! My fertility consultant advocated up to 3 times a day if the mood took us (no chance) and explained that very frequent ejaculations sometimes improve certain problems like low morphology. Chill right out.

smellsofelderberries Wed 02-Sep-15 17:06:24

Everyone up thread is right about the fact that new sperm will actually be better than 5 day old sperm. You need to keep the pipes clear!!

How long have you been trying? I've been where you are. It's tough. But you need to care for the feelings of the man you are hoping to make the father of your children. Don't be so focused on a baby that you loose your relationship in the process.

NerrSnerr Wed 02-Sep-15 17:10:51

How long have you been ttc? If not long then why not relax and just have lots of sex? Sounds really stressful with all this tracking.

MrsPCR Wed 02-Sep-15 18:41:26

You have not ruined your chances at all. If you are both healthy, he can easily ejaculate decent sperm daily. Month we got out BFP was after sex every day for a week leading up to ov.

Just do it! You've got nothing to lose!!

marmitemofo Thu 03-Sep-15 14:29:54

I'm currently pregnant and the month I finally conceived was when me and DP had sex for 8 days straight, basically as my periods were all over the place and I had no clue when I was ovulating so we kept on going until I was sure I had (using opks and temping).

I'm not advocating having that much sex btw (we were both absolutely done for by the end of it) but just want to point out that its perfectly possible to conceive even after having sex 2, 3 or more days in a row. I've since read that the 'every other day' advice is there to account for the fact some men may have a lower than average sperm count, but that actually for most men daily around ovulation (and 2-3 times a week at other times, to clear the tubes out) is fine.

FX this is the month for you wink

Junosmum Fri 04-Sep-15 20:35:07

Calm down. Being that stressed about it certainly won't help. As long as your OH can finish the job a bit of self pleasure won't hurt.

FWIW the month I got pregnant we had sex once, 4 days before I ovulated and OH had had a wannabe both the night before and the morning of the day we did it.

hanste123 Sat 05-Sep-15 13:00:48

I read that sperm dies of its older than 4 days x

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