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TTC after a termination for a medical reason

(4 Posts)
ekidd Sat 08-Aug-15 13:32:38

Hello there

Still in my grieving process, I'm hoping to get to know other people who are going through a similar situation as me.

I had a termination last Monday 3 August. They found out the baby had a Down's Syndrome. I was 15 weeks on Monday. It wasn't real until I woke up in a recovery room after the procedure that there is nothing there. Then IT started... the grieving. I had quite strong symptoms until the procedure, all day sickness and couldn't eat anything except bread and cream cheese. The procedure went well and everyone at the hospital was very supportive and sympathetic; I'm really grateful for their support.
The doctor came to see me and my husband in the afternoon and told us that I'd miscarried due to the severity of the genetic abnormalities. I think he wanted us to find some sort of comfort from it; didn't want me to feel too guilty about it.
I was surprised that the sickness rapidly disappeared and I was having normal food in the ward. They discharged me in the evening and I'm physically recovering at home since then.

My husband and I think it was the right decision for end the pregnancy. We thought it wasn't right for everyone to bring a child with a severe disability into the world. However it doesn't lift up my guiltiness. It haunts me every minutes at the moment. There hasn't been a day passed without crying.
I have nightmares; giving birth, telling friends about the miscarriage and procedure, and performing an abortion myself.

My mum died when I was 13 and I'd thought the traumatic memory made me tough but it's not the same. I'm off work another two weeks and my line manager is very supportive which I'm also grateful having her as my colleague.

We want to tic as soon my cycle comes back. I know it won't replace the loss. To be honest I wasn't enjoying my pregnancy due to the sickness but I miss it now so much, every second of it. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who feel the same.

Thank you for reading my post and I really hope to hear from you.

MummyBex1985 Sat 08-Aug-15 13:40:42

Hi ekidd

I'm so sorry about what you've been through, it's anyone's worst nightmare.

It's still early days but it sounds to me as though you are struggling to come to terms with what has happened. Can you speak to a counsellor or therapist to talk through your feelings? Sometimes getting it out can stop the nightmares.

Hope you are ok flowers

gingerbreadmam Sat 15-Aug-15 13:43:43

hi ekidd hope this helps. at 20wk scan we discovered a development issue with my first dc. his right leg hadnt grown properly. we were told it could be dealt with once he was here but as there were a few things affecting the leg they advised an amnio to rule out anything more serious. the results came back clear.

we were having regular scans and unfortunately at a 27wk one we discovered he had died.

i guess what im trying to say is sometimes when theyre is something wrong nature takes any choices out of your hand. although you chose to intervene with your pregnancy theres nothing to say things would have progressed well like you had hoped.

also,if we'd have know about problems with my ds earlier on e.g.12wk scan we may have made the same decision.

sorry for your loss but try not to feel guilty about it thanks

KittyandTeal Sat 15-Aug-15 20:52:46

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a tfmr at 22weeks, our dd2 had trisomy 18. That was in January. I'm still grieving, I always will be I think, but it has become easier.

We decided to start ttc after her due date. We're on cycle 3 and it is very stressful. You should see a consultant around 6 weeks after your tfmr who will be able to discuss a care plan for next time.

For what it's worth, I'm seeing a specialist counsellor who deals with women who have suffered stillbirth, neonatal death and infertility. She was previously a screening midwife. She has been amazing. She said, anecdotally, that lists of women carrying babies with trisomies especially have really struggled in that pregnancy. I was very ill with dd2 with unrelenting fatigue etc. I think this is because a baby with server abnormalities needs to take more from you to survive. I don't know why, but that has made me feel a bit better.

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