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I feel like I should go back on the pill but I can't quite give up the tiny shred of hope...

(29 Posts)
ScarlettInSpace Fri 31-Jul-15 21:05:29

I'll try to keep this as simple as possible but need some advice!

Potted history:
Ectopic 18 yrs ago at uni that nearly finished me off & R tube removed. On pill from then on.
Fast forward to Feb 2011, 34 yrs old, came off pill and started TTC.
Never had a single bfp.
Investigations through 2012 showed FSH 12 AMH 4.2, diagnosed diminished ovarian reserve. No male issue [plus he has 2 kids from previous relationship]
Autumn 2012 long IVF cancelled due to poor response [1 follicle]
Feb 2013 short IVF failed after all 3 embryos retrieved fertilised abnormally.
June 2013 Clomid failed, following month IUI failed.
Tried a cocktail of supplements & hormones until Jan 2014 when I started new job and refocused attention.

Over last 18 months AF is consistent only in its erraticness,
I spend most of my time bloated and pmt'y, and the bleed when it comes is horrendously heavy sad and the pain/nausea takes me back to when I first started my periods, this month I was physically laid up for a day sad

I feel like the only way to end it is to go back on the pill but at 38 I still feel too young to give up altogether, which is what that means. Plus we just got married, I am still holding out for a miracle I think.

Help! Basically give me a reason it will be worth feeling so shit for most of the month confused

Or tell me to stfu and just go back on the pill lol x

ScarlettInSpace Fri 31-Jul-15 21:06:29

Ooops sorry that was longer than I intended! blush

ScarlettInSpace Fri 31-Jul-15 21:08:28

*eggs retrieved, not embryos lol that would be weird!

mrschatty Fri 31-Jul-15 21:11:44

Sorry to hear about this op flowers is the pill the only option? Can gp prescient anything else or investigations such as laperoscopy (sp) type thingy to see what's going on? There must be a reason for abnormal periods etc. I'm no expert but there must be another way I think your too young to give up on what you clearly want!!!

ScarlettInSpace Fri 31-Jul-15 21:24:34

Thanks mrschatty It was the GP who suggested the pill, either that or refer me back to the clinic I had ivf at, and to be honest I hated it there, they always made me feel like I brought their results down...

Maybe I should just bite the bullet and pay for a private referral, I just don't know if I can cope with the bloody fertility clinic merrygoround again.

I'm not helping am I?!

Sockmatcher Fri 31-Jul-15 21:28:00

What could a referal to clinic mean?

ScarlettInSpace Fri 31-Jul-15 21:35:42

I guess redo all the tests to start with, on reflection I think I'm probably just scared they'll tell me it's all over and I'm menopausal.

uggmum Fri 31-Jul-15 21:40:11

I know where you are coming from.
Dd conceived at 29, low progesterone and was a clomid baby.
Ds conceived when I was 32, problematic pregnancy, medically explained as a fluke pregnancy.
Unable to sustain a pregnancy since then. 12 years later. I have had 2 miscarriages. 1 a mms and erpc to remove the foetus.
I ectopic.
18 mths of clomid, operation to flush out tubes and to burn off endo.
Periods are irregular and heavy flooding. I was refused the pill due to previous liver issues.
My hope is well and truly gone. I am now considering an ablation. This will stop periods all together. It also prevents you from conceiving.
Could your gp refer you to a different clinic to discuss your options. In my area you have a choice of 3 different clinics.
There are also lots of recommendations on here for different private clinics if you feel you want to go down that route. At 38 you do still have time and medical advances move on all the time.

Sockmatcher Fri 31-Jul-15 21:47:47

Personally I'd face that fear and give the clinic a go. Do you think you'd regret it you didn't?

uggmum Fri 31-Jul-15 22:01:00

I feel I tried everything I could. At the beginning we said that as we had 2 children we wouldn't go down the ivf route. Emotionallly and financially.
I think if I had had more time I might have changed my mind

I do overthink things and part of me wishes I had done more but I simply ran out of time. It will always be an eternal frustration and regret.

ScarlettInSpace Fri 31-Jul-15 22:16:37

Ah that's shit ugg you have been through the mill.

The regret thing is a funny one for me, I do actually regret doing ivf, I really wish I hadn't put me or us through it, it was horrible. But probably only because I have the gift of hindsight & it feels like it was a pointless exercise...

I didn't have a great reaction to the hormones either, it brought on a dreadful depression that took at least 12 months to shift, and I've only just lost the 2 stone I gained. Prob another reason I'm wary of going back to treatment.

Although I didn't know I could ask to be referred elsewhere, maybe that's worth a shot.

RooibosTeaAgain Fri 31-Jul-15 22:38:09

If you pay you can refer or self- refer anywhere in the UK or world!!

RooibosTeaAgain Fri 31-Jul-15 22:40:00

And some clinics may be better for you as have protocols for your condition rather than a one size fits all approach.
If you look at fertility friends website there is more knowledge about clinics and treatments in UK and Europe than you could ever imagine so hope someone can point you to somewhere near you that is helpful to you exploring options.

CatHackney Fri 31-Jul-15 22:50:48

Clearly this is difficult, but I think it's worth considering just how hard you're finding the experience and how hard you would find the alternatives. For some people, the strain of ivf can drive a couple apart. others cope. Some people would always regret if they felt like they hadn't absolutely carried on trying until there was absolutely no hope. Some people adopt children, and some people couldn't imagine doing so. Are you managing to function in your job? Is your marriage feeling the strain? What does your husband think?

QOD Fri 31-Jul-15 23:01:00

Well .... there is still hope? What about the pill for 6 months just to get you a break and then see what happens.

By the way, I'm 46. Never concieved. Dd is a straight surrogate baby and was born when I was 29

It's shit shit shit what you've gone through flowers

Tinkfromlovejoy Sat 01-Aug-15 08:11:55

I'm in a similar boat, 34 and ttc for 6 years. Never had IVF and probably won't but probably won't stop trying/hoping for a miracle for a while yet. I have had many breaks though. Not on the pill, just legs firmly crossed wink

I'm guessing your first hurdle atm is to get over is the hugely painful periods? Enquire about Mefenamic and Tranexamic Acid. I was prescribed these years ago and they were a life changer for me. I'm no medical professional so won't try and explain how they work but thought I'd let you know about them. I have a lovely GP who says no one should suffer with bad periods in this day and age. I guess if you can get this part under control you'll be able to think a bit more clearly about the conception part. Best of luck to you, I know only too well how shit it is flowers

ScarlettInSpace Sat 01-Aug-15 10:22:55

Thanks everyone. It took a lot to venture back into this area of MN again but I knew there would be people who understood.

Ivf and in fact the whole treatment thing took a heavy toll on me mentally & physically and I know OHs main concern is for me not to fall back into that. I think he feels like we are back to normal again and he wouldn't want to upset that, but I also know he will ultimately go with what makes me happy.

I think I will go back to the GP, if nothing else to get the periods sorted out , I think I knew it wasn't really normal but I've managed to convince myself it's menopause onset and that's maybe not the case.
Thanks for the medication tips too wink

I might start to look into private clinics after all, they may be a bit more tailored than the nhs, don't know if I can face full blown ivf again but maybe there are other options I haven't considered.

farfallarocks Sun 02-Aug-15 20:20:02

Hi Scarlett I remember you from the brooking threads if I am not mistaken? So sorry you are going through this shite. You mentioned supplements, have you tried dhea? It's excellent for low ovarian reserve and can prepare for ivf and also aid natural conception, that and very high doses of co enzyme q10 and a high protein diet all help with low ovarian reserve. I had a disastrous ivf round producing 2 eggs on max stims and I started taking the supplements to prepare for round 2 . I fell pregnant twice naturally once a mc but am now 24 weeks after 18 months of nada before. My fsh was 11 and amh 1 before I conceived so even ivf had a slim chance of working. Whee are you? There are aole clinics that specialise in low ovarian reserve, lister,Argc and create and they may all tailor protocols to give you a better response if you can face it. Don't give up hope just yet.

ScarlettInSpace Mon 03-Aug-15 15:52:21

Hi far yep it's me smile pleased to hear you are doing ok now x

I tried dhea and it didn't agree with me at all, I was on the q10 through my treatment too. I think ultimately 'false' hormones aren't for me, which is why I'm nervous about getting back in front of a clinic.

I'm in the west Midlands, I'll do some research and try for a different referral I think. Even maybe going back to the old place may not be as bad this time if I tell myself it's about sorting my cycle out rather than actual treatment iyswim...

farfallarocks Mon 03-Aug-15 18:42:55

The other thing to consider is have you had a hysteroscopy to check for any scar tissue and. Adhesions from the ectopic?

ScarlettInSpace Mon 03-Aug-15 20:29:19

Hmm I had a hycosy right at the very start 4 years ago, he said the L tube/ovary were normal and the R ovary shrivelled and 'post-menopausal', he thought they may have cut the blood supply when they removed the ruptured tube.

Then ironically the R ovary was the only one that responded with any follicles in all my treatment cycles, go figure lol confused

Will I get a different prognosis from a hysteroscopy as opposed to the hycosy? It's been a while since I've thought about all this shit grin

farfallarocks Tue 04-Aug-15 08:51:43

I think hycosy checks the tubes and hysto checks the womb but they also do a scratch when they are up there which can help implantation. My clinic does one for everyone before IVF, it may be unnecessary but worth a shot if you are thinking of giving it another go. I think you should for what its worth as you have only really had one shot (the short protocol). I am surprised they tried you on the long protocol with a low ovarian reserve?
For your DH it might be worth looking at a DNA fragmentation test as that can cause poor quality embryos or lack of fertilisation. Good luck, there are lots of brookers doing IVF at the moment too!

ScarlettInSpace Tue 13-Oct-15 23:12:35

Well I bit the bullet and went back to the gp 3 weeks ago, and sure enough he said the only solution to regulate my cycle/periods etc was the pill. Alternative is re-referral back to fertility clinic, which is the option I have taken.

The day after that I started spotting (on CD16) and have been bleeding (lightly) ever since, it's now 20 days later shock it's really getting me down now confused

DH wants me to go back to gp but I reckon they'll just tell me to wait to see the clinic, if anyone has any advice in the meantime I'd be grateful - just not really sure what going back to gp would achieve?

keepitgoing Wed 14-Oct-15 08:08:13

Hi Scarlett I remember you too, and sorry to hear of all this shit. How long is it until your appointment? And which fc are you going to? Did you choose a different one? You can tell your gp you don't want to go back to your old one - patients have the right to choose. I'd think the gp won't be able to do much so would probably wait if your appt isn't too far off

I'm in the WM now too, and back on the ivf train with 2 failed FETs this summer. Join us again if you're up to it x

ScarlettInSpace Wed 14-Oct-15 08:47:08

Hi keep sorry to hear your frosties didn't work out x

I asked to be referred to a different clinic but gp said because it was a re-referral it would be technically a continuation of treatment and I would risk losing nhs funding for further investigations if I move clinics.

No idea when the appt will be, can't remember how long it was last time, think it took about 3 months until letter cane through? Hopefully this bleeding will have stopped by then!

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