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Anyone else get really jealous/baffled by people who 'fall' pregnant?

(26 Posts)
sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 08:27:06

Forgive me if I sound like a nasty troll, I don't mean to sad it's just I find myself very jealous, if not completely baffled, at those who just 'fall' pregnant (I mean the not planned type of pregnancy) but are happy anyway and its a perfect ending.

For example, I have Friends who were younger than me or same age now and if they so happen to just 'fall' pregnant with a baby, I find it quite baffling.

In my head I'm thinking 'this is taking me precise calculating and studying, whilst you just FALL pregnant?!'

I remember last week I sat down and thought to myself 'maybe pregnancy isn't that easy to stumble upon as I thought, my mum lied to me lol'

Sorry if I sound like a mad woman, it's just how I feel sad

princessvikki Mon 29-Jun-15 08:52:50

You don't sound bad at all! It took me over a year to xoncice dd and I felt like I was surrounded by pregnant people who had it easy. I do think to having 'just fallen' pregnant this time around it really doesn't help to be doing all the ovulation tests and calculating. The Pressure and stress make it harder and more difficult to conceive. When I eventually did conceive my dd I had binned the testing kits and gave up on right times to try ect.

sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 08:55:36

Thank you! I'll try 2 more cycles with my ovulation kits, after that I'm giving up on the whole extreme planning bravado grin

princessvikki Mon 29-Jun-15 09:09:28

Yeah that's how I felt , it ends up like a military operation when it should be fun. I read alsorts about positions, times, temperatures ect but it just made me feel like a failure every time it didnt work. I just decided one day my mum and grandparents managed with out all the rubbish so I can too. Just relax and enjoy trying , easier said than done when you deperatly want a child I know, but it worked for us, nd we had been told we had a million to 1 chance due to my hubby having some problems. I always tell people is get your partner eating a handful of Brazil nuts everyday , they are full of selenium which helps sperm quality. Good luckflowers

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 29-Jun-15 09:13:24

My first baby took 14 months to conceive. I tracked ovulation religiously, charted my temp, used ovulation strips and eventually booked an appt at a fertility clinic before getting a BFP. I (very selfishly) resented anyone who fell pregnant easily.
When DD was 9 months old we had sex once in a month (we were very sleep deprived!) I was on the mini pill and breastfeeding. I was extremely shocked to find out a few weeks later that I was pregnant.

jorahmormont Mon 29-Jun-15 09:18:33

I "just fell" pregnant with DD at 19. We had sex once in the whole month, seven weeks later found out I was pregnant. I know it was really tough for SIL, who was and still is TTC her first.

I know it's probably not great consolation, but an unplanned pregnancy can be horrendous. Mine was filled with uncertainty, judgement from all angles and definite resentment from people who were struggling to TTC, causing immense guilt for the fact that it 'just happened' for us when I hadn't wanted it to. We're happy now, but it isn't always a case of "whoops, I'm pregnant - ah well, how great is that?" - but people put on a brave face. Try not to get downhearted about it; chances are it's not all sunshine and light like they're making it look.

Lagoonablue Mon 29-Jun-15 09:21:41

Someone people pretend it was an accident when really it was planned. I did this as didn't want people to judge me for being an older mum. Stupid I know.

Good luck with your TTC. I did the whole OV kit and temperature taking and it did work though feels a bit formulaic.

Chattymummyhere Mon 29-Jun-15 09:35:02

Not all are really opsie babies.

My first pregnancy was (mc) my second pregnancy was planned but nobody knows that, my third pregnancy planned (mc) my fourth planned and people knew that... My TTC now nobody knows and most would prob not be happy as we have the "perfect" family of boy followed by girl.

sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 09:41:53

Thank you for all your comments, I understand completely. I'm TTC now but our families do not know due to various reasons, and when I do concieve, I won't let on that this was a planned baby either.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 29-Jun-15 10:32:07

Agree that unplanned pregnancies aren't always all sunshine and happiness. It came at pretty awful timing for us, I was just about to go back to work, DD still didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time and I was exhausted, we needed to move house and I was in the grips of PND. I didn't let on to anyone that it wasn't anything other than welcome news though.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 29-Jun-15 10:33:23

(Except my mum. I cried my eyes out when I told her)

sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 11:28:43

Oh wow haha, I was planning to do the opposite. I think I'm going to have to bring on the big tears, otherwise there will be a few funny looks (possibly more), from OH's family.

chasingtherainbow Mon 29-Jun-15 12:06:48

With my first I just 'fell' pregnant. Just. Like. That.

I actually couldn't understand it. . Obviously I know HOW I got pregnant.. but it was just .. poof! Your upduffed.

We decided to try for a 2nd when dd was 2.. she's 4 in 6 weeks and I'm pregnant at last but cannot understand how it was SO hard this time.

It makes no freaking sense!

princessvikki Mon 29-Jun-15 12:20:57

I don't want to sound awful but i don't understand why any1 would pretend their child was an accident? Surly it is better for a child to planned and wanted rather than an oops baby. Why lie to suit everyone else if you and oh are happy and planning a baby. My dh's family arent happy I'm pregnant but I don't care what they think.

Chattymummyhere Mon 29-Jun-15 12:25:19

The reason for us with my first child was it was terrible timing in the end as he was due days before our wedding so it involved cancelling a lot of things so it was easier for it to be a happy accident than have people telling us it was stupid etc. we new the midwife new.

With the one we are TTC although we are ttc it's not really anyone's business and if they ask it's pretty rude and with it being a 3rd after already having the "perfect" family set up people will presume it was an accident even if we said he/she planned.

Lagoonablue Mon 29-Jun-15 17:14:41

I've already said why I lied.

ScrambledEggAndToast Mon 29-Jun-15 17:21:37

I wasn't trying with DS. The doctor had mentioned that my epilepsy meds would counteract the pill, I didn't take much notice and a few weeks later I had two blue lines. It does happen. I wish it could be like that for all the lovely ladies who are desperately trying month after month as when it happened to me I was only 19 and very scared. Now I love him to bits and wouldn't swap him for the world. grin

sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 17:28:59

Haha, funny times. I do understand your thinking princessvikky, it's just I'm really young and I can't be bothered to cross my family (our families).

Rollermum Mon 29-Jun-15 17:30:16

Interesting reading the different opinions. I have 'fallen' pregnant twice, sex just once both times. We are married and both times it wouldn't have been ideal timing but both babies welcome.

I feel really awkward and embarrassed when people ask if it was deliberate. I'm 33, old enough to understand contraception but we have basically ignored it twice. I think I need to get better at lying and / or come up with a way to avoid the question.

Also really sorry to those who struggle to concieve. Stories like this must be annoying.

sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 17:55:27

Yes Rollermum, get your booty off this post now, my envy won't control itself for much longer ;)

Sometimes these things are just meant to happen, I wouldn't worry. I can't offer much in suggestions for a clever answer to 'was it planned', as I wouldn't have one for myself.. To strangers I'd always insist it was planned though.

slightlyconfused85 Mon 29-Jun-15 18:18:44

I accidentally fell pregnant when I was 26. Although it has in fact ended really well, it was actually a very stressful and uncertain time for me. Dd is very well loved but I wish my pregnancy hadn't been so full of doubt and I wish I could have enjoyed the excitement of a planned pregnancy. Dc 2 is due now and was planned but don't think that. Everyone who accidentally falls pregnant is lucky.

Bellebella Mon 29-Jun-15 18:22:33

My son was planned but as far as everyone knows he wasn't because quite frankly it was none of their business and it took us 10 months to conceive him. TTC is difficult when you don't get pregnant the first month. I remember it started getting really tense for us and becoming awful. Ironically we then conceived the night we got drunk at a xmas party grin

sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 18:44:01

My Mum fell pregnant with me at 26, I was her first and my Dad only saw me twice whilst I was a baby, (two days after I was born he came to the hospital, and once when I was 3 months old), LAST time he saw me I was 3 years old.

Might I add that they were indeed together when she found out she was conceiving me.

sophiedeana990 Mon 29-Jun-15 18:44:48

*not conceiving sorry, expecting

GinUpGirl Tue 07-Jul-15 09:40:49

I don't want to sound awful but i don't understand why any1 would pretend their child was an accident?

Because, as reported by her on other threads, the OP is very young as it the boyfriend - and their parents would be angry if they knew that they were trying.

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