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From wallowing to something more bfp inducing

(71 Posts)
Whatamuddleduck Mon 22-Jun-15 22:18:17

Anyone want to join me?
It's finally occurred to me that after a year of ttc, and two early miscarriages that I need to stop wallowing and get back to the basics.
It's been a bloody awful year and I've ended up smoking, doing no exercise and rarely remembering to take frolic acid. Is it any wonder that most people have more sex in a week than DP and I have done in the last few months?

So having given up magic potions, ovulation sticks and all other things. This is what I plan to do:

Give up smoking- this is day one and I've had 3 rather than usual 20. (I know I know- I had a 'sod it all' cigarette after 2nd miscarriage and just carried on.)
Do some exercise : I used to run marathons but have done no exercise in about a year. From next week the swimming starts then onwards and upwards.
Eat: biscuits really aren't a good food source. I will eat 3 healthyish meals a day. Far better than my usual biscuits and a ready meal.
Take frolic acid: it's not hard, I carry the stuff in my bag. I will take it.
Work less hours: I will try not to work more than my hours and definitely try to actually live a life beyond work (this may take some getting used to but 60 hour weeks are helping no one).
Look lovely: I need a haircut, well to be honest all of me does. Being less hairy and not looking like I woke up under a hedge has to be a start.

Hopefully doing all this will improve my mood, health and fertility and DP may actually fancy dtd a bit more often.

Anyone else want to join me in sorting ourselves out(or is it just me that has fallen into sluggish mode?) and getting healthy for a bfp?
Or anyone wanting to give me regular kicks up the arse when I fall off the wagon?

FlatWhiteToGo Tue 23-Jun-15 21:39:38

This sounds like a great idea! Hopefully it will give you something else to focus on that's positive and controllable smile. I'm sure you'll start to feel better after only a few weeks! Good luck! How's day 2 going? STAY AWAY FROM THOSE CIGGIES grin!x

Whatamuddleduck Tue 23-Jun-15 22:48:31

Hi flat white. Hopefully you're right. It can feel so random can't it- when a bfp might turn up.
Day two has been great, no smoking and my sisters best birthday present was getting the results of her scan after cancer treatment. No tumours visible - how bloody brilliant!
How about you? Managing the ttc pressure?

FinallyLearntToBudget Tue 23-Jun-15 22:53:36

Whatamuddle I feel your pain. I too am trying to kick myself up the butt to encourage a more bfp-inducing lifestyle.

I also used to smoke once upon a time and I know how hard it is to quit when you've fallen off the wagon. You can do it though!

Not dtd nearly enough over here either. The way I see it it was the summer solstice this weekend so that's a new start - onwards and upwards!

FinallyLearntToBudget Tue 23-Jun-15 22:54:38

If someone could invent something that reminds me to take folic acid too, that would be good. Never bloody remember

Oysterbabe Tue 23-Jun-15 22:57:14

When I quit about 10 years ago I read that Allen Carr book Easy Way to Quit Smoking. It was really good. Read it over the course of a weekend and never smoked again.

FinallyLearntToBudget Tue 23-Jun-15 23:00:36

Oysterbabe that's how I gave up too smile (Alan Carr).

Oysterbabe Tue 23-Jun-15 23:41:27

smile It's a great book. Had me totally convinced that quitting would be super easy and suddenly it was.

Vap0 Wed 24-Jun-15 00:37:41

I love this post! I read it last night big didn't get chance to reply! Hi muddles

I'm with you on the whole sorting yourself out! I don't think I've had my hair cut for well over a year and it desperately needs it!! And when it comes to the rest of me.... I used to have laser hair removal but can't have that when pregnant and so can't book in "just in case" in fact I had 6 sessions booked (and paid for) but after false alarm after false alarm never made it to one and lost them all!! Aargh!!

I also have my teeth whitening serum on the dining room table but can't be used if pregnant and so has sat there all month "just in case"

And the worst part is that when you know it's all over you don't feel like doing anything to make yourself feel nice as you are so busy punishing yourself for failing yet again! Or at least I do!

I have to admit I've never been a smoker so can't understand how difficult giving up must be however on the other hand I've also never been a marathon runner! Well done muddles!

When it comes to folic acid i'm good in the week as I take it when I get in the car in the morning, also fine if I drive at weekends but if not I don't take it! It's a buggar! I am on my 3rd pack though so can't be so rubbish at taking it! Either that or it's just been such a long time confused

I also wish I could calm down the work hours but just don't know how I can hmm. I love your optimism and energy and need to take a leaf out of your book as this ttc saga is becoming very stale!

Nice to see flat and oyster on here - waves!

Good luck with the giving up the fags muddles! I hope you manage to keep it up x


NewLeafExpat Wed 24-Jun-15 09:37:22

Hi ladies,

Great idea on the kickstart, good for you and I will join in myself.

Well done for giving up/ cutting down fags, I stopped 1.5 years ago now after 10+ years smoking, I also recommend the Alan Carr book!! It definitely was amazing in my trying to quit journey.

Today I have been for a run/walk trying not to be too hectic due to 1DPO and not wanting to mislodge any potential embryo, but I jogged 5 mins, walked 5 mins trying to keep it easy. I washed my hair and shaved my legs, going to style my hair nice and feel positive!

NewLeafExpat Wed 24-Jun-15 09:38:23

Oh and for the folic acid, I leave mine next to my toothbrush, part of morning wake up ritual.

I was on the pill for over ten years too so kinda normal to take a pill everyday!! Just swapped one with another smilegrin

FlatWhiteToGo Fri 26-Jun-15 21:13:09

Hi Muddle! Sorry it's taken a while to reply. Tbh I'm really struggling with the TTC pressure - it all just feels so hopeless. I also keep being baby bombed every few days, which is just making it unbearable. On top of the TTC stuff I just feel vile. I've gained 20lbs in 2 years as a result of depression and losing all motivation to go to the gym/eat healthily.

How are the rest of you doing? How are motivation levels?

Yay Vap good to see you on here!

Vap0 Fri 26-Jun-15 22:01:30

Flat - motivation levels?

1 x 30 week pregnant friend in FB with a heavily pregnant profile pic which was put up today - lovely (very envy)
1 x annoying "accidentally" pregnant friend who keeps tagging her fiancé into loads of having a baby hacks or equally as annoying things
1 x new dad who keeps putting up everything he does with his new baby on FB
1 x sil with a beautiful new born baby
1 x baby bomb this week

= not so great!!!

I'm sure the above is the same for most people ttc. Everyone I know in real life who have been trying have all now become pregnant and the last one who was trying (for less time than me even after 4 miscarriages - that one I'm really really pleased about) will be giving birth in July sad. The next wave of friends (who are all getting married this summer) will then probably all be in line for the next bfp's before me (sad).

Still need a hair cut etc. when I get my bfn on 3rd July I'll be taking the opportunity to whiten my teeth, at least for a couple of weeks smile. That should make me feel a little better.

Flat - sorry for all the baby bombs! I can't even count the number I've had, it's just crap sad. On the gaining weight thing..... I bought myself a Fitbit which encourages you to walk for 10,000 steps per day. It is a great motivator and lots of people have them and you can have little competitions with friends. It helps me drop lbs here and there. My job means I don't get to actually use my legs very often, apart from changing gear, accelerating
and braking - and I'm even too lazy for that and use my adaptive cruise control so don't need to use my feet. Have tried to walk a lot more and have managed to drop well over a stone. To be fair, it isn't really the Fitbit which has done that, i stopped drinking beer (and lots of it) and went onto a prosecco diet! It's amazing how the weight drops off grin. Hope you have some better luck in future!

Rainy34 Sat 27-Jun-15 22:34:12

Hi , this is such a great post, can i Join too, Been trying for over a year now, have out first fertility appointment in August, I have too let myself go, wallowing in self pity, eating junk food and drinking lots of wine at the weekend especially once AF has set in,

Going to start doing some exercise, got my fitbit too so going to try and hit the 10 thousand step mark each day,

eat healthier and drink less alchohol !!

FlatWhiteToGo Sun 28-Jun-15 14:42:38

Welcome Rainy of course you can join. How has your weekend been?

Oh Vap I completely understand how you feel. It's just relentless isn't it. I also think Facebook makes this whole thing a million times more painful. Everyone seems to be competing to put up as many photos as possible, so it means we're just inundated 24/7 sad. Is that when AF is due? Why don't you book a hair appointment for a few days later? If you book it now you're more likely to do it, than if you wait until AF comes and you feel shit. You've done so well with the weight loss! It's amazing how much alcohol contributes to weight gain. Seriously, well done though!

Well I've had a shitty few days. I was at a wedding yesterday where one of the bridesmaids was talking about how the bride and groom were hoping for a honeymoon baby. We also had loads of questions directed at us about when we're planning kids. I just wanted to scream. In other news I'll be having surgery in a few weeks so hopefully things will be clearer and we can get some answers. It does mean that TTC is out of the question for July and August (and possibly longer). Urghhh...

FlatWhiteToGo Mon 29-Jun-15 20:06:51

Just at the gym. I'm 25 minutes into a cardio session (bike - the worst) and really want quit, go home and stuff my face. TELL ME TO GET OFF MY FAT ARSE AND KEEP GOING gringringrin

Vap0 Mon 29-Jun-15 20:33:21

GO GO GO!!!!!

vincentaroony Mon 29-Jun-15 20:44:49

Hi, I think I've found my thread! Been ttc 14 months now. That's 14 months of eating whatever I want, never going to the gym (used to be there 3 or 4 x a week), beer, wine, occasional cigarettes blush...

It can be really difficult when everyone seems to be pregnant, including my next door neighbours on both sides!

BUT I went for a little jog this morning with the dog and I've just signed up for a free trial at military fitness! Eek! Can I join you all at trying to stay on the wagon? I just want to feel more positive about something in this long and unknown ttc journey!

FlatWhiteToGo Mon 29-Jun-15 21:18:23

Thanks Vap. I managed 45 mins. The Flat of 2013 would have been disappointed but the Flat of 2015 is pretty chuffed. How are you getting on?

Welcome Vincent. Glad you found us! Sounds like you're struggling just like the rest of us. Well done for the jog. Even if it was only short and slow, it's the first step and is better than yesterday/last week/last month! It's SO HARD to keep up motivation when our emotions are all over the place (read: constantly low).

Vap0 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:51:54

flat I don't know if I mentioned I have a Fitbit and in the 1st 5 months of the year did 10,000 steps per day apart from about 6 days. Since June I've lost all the motivation! I keep missing it by a few hundred steps, or on days like today 5,000 steps <eek>. I promise I'll hit 10,000 every day for the rest of the week. Wish I had a more active job!! I shave hit a bit of a low though and need this group to pull me out of it! Anyone else on here with a Fitbit who wants to be my Fitbit friend and help motivate me with challenges??

I think DP is really expecting us to get pregnant this month as it's the 1st month he has actually tried and been motivated to dtd at the right time. He asked this evening when I can test. Friday is the answer although everything happening with my body mimmicks the past few months between ov and af which is making me almost 90% sure this is not our month. I think he will be pretty disappointed when I tell him af arrives, let's hope this makes sense to him now how difficult it has been for me the last 21 months.

HOLD ON! There I am wallowing again!

It will all be all right in the end! If it isn't alright, it is not yet the end!!!

Favourite quote! From a recent film to which I have been living life by over the last 12-18 months! 10 points to who can guess the film!!

WhatWouldFlopDo Mon 29-Jun-15 22:02:45

Ah, I've found my people! I've lost 3 in 18 months and have put on a bit of chunk. I get pregnant, so I eat, then I lose it, so I eat - rinse and repeat. I'm smoking more than I ever have, due to the 'fuck it' cigarettes after the miscarriages. I have a gym membership I never use, my hair is in dire need of a cut and I've had the teeth whitening stuff that's just sat there waiting to be used. I spunked £300 on one of those home IPL thingy's and stopped using it just in case. So I'm chubby, stink of fags, unfit, have split ends, yellow teeth and I am hairy in general. Can I have a kick up the arse too please to get me out of this hole?

FlatWhiteToGo Mon 29-Jun-15 23:53:16

Couldn't guess it but I googled it. Great quote! What's the film like?

Oh no. Sorry about DP. I know this sounds awful but maybe it's a good thing? Hopefully this way he'll have a better understanding of everything you've been through. It goes without saying that I hope you get a BFP though (although I appreciate these are like gold dust!).

Oh no. Well a month off isn't bad and you can get back on it now! It's so so so hard when you have job restraints. I have a desk job, which would be fine, but I often work 18+ hour days so my ability to go to the gym after/before work is zero!!! Anyway, we can only do what we can do!

WWFD - I'm sending a (small) kick! Ha ha. Try not to beat yourself up - it sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm so sorry to hear about the MCs - it's totally understandable that you've hit rock bottom. Just remember that the only way from here is up smile. Don't stress about all the things you think you're doing wrong. Maybe pick one thing for now and work on that? Like shaving your legs and getting a haircut. Maybe we should all have a communal leg shave and haircut day?!? Ha ha.

NewLeafExpat Tue 30-Jun-15 07:35:11

I love the positivity on here! Unfortunately I don't have a Fitbit but I use the steps counter on my iPhone. 10,000 steps is quite a big target I think, but I'm going to try hit it every day this week and see how I go from there.

Yesterday: I can't bloody find it now but I think about 8000 steps. Does anyone know how to view the yesterdays data? Maybe I neeeeed a Fitbit? wink

Cityzen74 Tue 30-Jun-15 09:37:05

Hi everyone can I join? I am ttc #1 and really need to be more healthy and do more exercise. Have been ttc for about 18 months and getting a bit down about it all!

I really need a haircut too - I've not had mine done for nearly 2 years now and I'm getting irritated with myself and my hair for looking bad. I don't know why I don't just get on with booking myself an appointment.

Anyway, hopefully we can all encourage each other on here. Maybe I will get a fitbit too and see how many steps I take each day.

Fingers crossed for BFPs for us all soon.

DizzyNorthernBird Tue 30-Jun-15 09:38:56

Can I join? I'm also trying to sort myself out! AF arrived at the weekend which means I'm starting afresh......again! Hopefully I can make the new leaf last a whole cycle this time!

I've been a bit shit this year since starting ttc. Last year I ran a marathon and a few half marathons and I was lovely and slim. This year I've been thinking 'I'll be preggo soon so what's the point?' So I got a bit lazy and I've put on 5lb. Ok, so it's not a massive amount but it's enough to make last years summer dresses feel tight and my belly is poking out like I'm already up the duff!

My plan is:

- stop obsessing over ttc and put my efforts into getting back into shape & losing the belly. Start working on my 5k times and get down to my local park run more often.
- I also want to get back into swimming... There's a lovely open air pool near where I work. Get up at 5am and go for a swim before heading to the office....a lovely relaxing start to the day smile
- stop eating gluten and stop eating refined sugar!! I DONT need them!!
- get more organised at work.....stop procrastinating. If I'm on top of my work then there's no need for me to be lying awake at night worrying about getting a bollocking for falling behind.
- stop arguing with DP about trivial things. Especially before ovulation!
- get out and enjoy the sunshine as much as I can while its hear. I need the D vits!!

Ps- 10,000 steps sounds like a huge amount! Where do you ladies fine the time? How many miles is that a day?!

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