Feeling very sad today

[RebeccaNoodles]

I know it could be worse but … I'm not having a great day.

We've been ttc for about 9 months and I was feeling relatively optimistic despite being 38 and having endometriosis. But my mum has just been diagnosed with Alzheimers. She's still relatively OK and lots of support in place but the future is uncertain. Sometimes it all feels too much. And I feel sad that having lurked on mumsnet for however long, I've only ever 'used' the 'ttc' forum and dementia forum. I'm just feeling quite sad and weighed down.

(NB I've done all the 'practical' things e.g. fertility tests up and running, doing all the dementia support stuff - I just feel sad today).

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Good luck to everyone else.

[birchygoo]

Hi Rebecca its OK to feel sad! it's OK to wallow in it sometimes. it must feel like life has shit on you but we are here to support you and listen to you whenever. sending lots of hugs

I'm sorry I can't say anything to make it all better. but I will be here to listen xx

[PallasCat]

Rebecca when you're going through a tough time, as well as being positive and doing all the 'practical' things, as you say, sometimes you do just need to let those emotions get the better of you.
Feel your sadness because you have every right to.
x

[greenwolf]

Hi RebeccaNoodles

Just wanted to send some love and hugs - ttc is a surprisingly stressful place to be, on top of a frightening diagnosis for your mum, which probably brings up all sorts of emotions for you.

Don't ever feel ashamed of your emotions.

xx

[Rose58]

I'm so sorry. What a rough time. Look after yourself and ensure you have lots of support around you.

[FlatWhiteToGo]

Hi Rebecca, I am sending a big hug. That is an awful lot to go through, especially as it is all happening at the same time.

What do the fertility tests show? Can you start going down the IVF route (or alternative routes if IVF is not for you)?

I don't know much about Dementia. What support is there out there - both for you and also for your mum?

I really hope today is a little better than yesterday x

[Silversun83]

Hi Rebecca, I've been lurking on mumsnet for about a year but your post really resonated with me as I'm also about nine months into TTC and my mum got diagnosed with mixed dementia last year.

I imagine that even though she's just been diagnosed, you've probably suspected it for a while? That doesn't make the diagnosis any easier though.. Even though my mum had had symptoms for a good while, seeing the diagnosis down on paper still came as a shock.. Whilst you've been sorting the practical arrangements, it's probably only know that you've sat down and let it all sink in. It will take some time, but you will reach a new kind of 'normal'..

Regarding TTC, you say that you're feeling fairly optimistic which is good but don't forget that it can be all-consuming at times. Don't feel guilty if sometimes the worry/anxiety about that overtakes feelings about your mum.

Just wanted to say that I understand some of what you're going through. I hope that today is a better day for you.

[RebeccaNoodles]

Thanks everyone. I'm so touched, I didn't rush to check back as I wasn't sure if anyone would reply and I've only just seen all these kind messages. I'm feeling a lot better now. It's amazing what a few good nights' sleep can do. I saw a counsellor who said ttc was just as important as caring for Mum if not more so which makes me feel a whole lot better/less guilty.

Silversun83, I'm so glad I heard from you - good to know someone's in the same boat. I have the exact same feelings - diagnosis seems like a formality but it's so much more than that. Message me again if you want. I hope you're OK too.

Thanks all. And good luck to us all with Trying Not to Go Nuts While Trying to Conceive (™)

[RebeccaNoodles]

PS FlatWhite, I've had 21 day bloods which show I'm ovulating - hurray. DH has just had his semen analysis (poor guy, sounded grim esp. with nurse yelling to waiting room IS ANYONE HERE FOR SEMEN ANALYSIS). So we'll see what that gives. Also thinking of doing full fertility MOT at Create clinic - it's £200 but would be money well spent I think. Aside from that my strategy is just to try and enjoy life, eat well, exercise, kick back and have the odd glass of vino. Here's hoping …

[FlatWhiteToGo]

That sounds like a good plan. I'd also definitely spend the money for the piece of mind! How long does it take to do that? At least you're ovulating so that's a massive plus .

I forgot to mention that I'm also being investigated for suspected endo (my GP is sure but I haven't had the consultant appointment yet, so don't know if he'll recommend a lap). I feel so deflated and hopeless by the whole thing. Did they say that your endo will affect things?

Hope you start feeling a bit better x

[RebeccaNoodles]

Hi FlatWhite, I was told that they didn't know whether or not the endo would affect anything - which is a lot better than 'it definitely will'! I think it depends where it is. Mine was in a big clump in my bowel … sorry if TMI. If you do have a lap, as far as I know that improves chances of conception afterwards if they 'clean up' the tubes. Endo definitely doesn't always affect fertility so try not to worry too much. It's good that your GP is on to it. Have a chat to these people before your consultant appointment if you can: www.endometriosis-uk.org. Good luck!

[Silversun83]

Hi Rebecca, sorry for not replying before but I only just saw your message.

I'm glad you're feeling a lot better... It is true what they say about sleep!

Are you your mum's sole carer? Or is your dad/anyone else around? My dad is my mum's main carer though at times I have almost wished this wasn't the case.. There's a bit of history there but the upshot is that it was my sister and I who actually went to my mum's GP in the first place and got her in the system. And I think (it's actually only just now that I'm realising the reason as I'm typing) that I'm feeling responsible for both my parents when it should just be my mum.

How is your mum generally? Is she aware of the diagnosis? I find with my mum that there's good days and bad days.. Particularly earlier on I found that sometimes she was really with it and I kind of almost doubted the diagnosis. But then at a different time she was almost like another person.

That's good that you've seen a counsellor and it's interesting to hear what they said about TTC.

I hope the investigations go okay.. Well done for ovulating! We've not been to GP yet but plan to in the next month or two if still no BFP. Sometimes I do get quite down about it but I think your plan of trying to plan other things and exercising is a good one! Last month I was quite successful at that and it was a hell of a lot easier. This month I've gone back to counting my cycle days

It would be really good to keep in touch. It is good to hear from someone in a similar position.

[FlatWhiteToGo]

Hi RebeccaNoodles! Thank you for the info. That's really useful. I hope your endo doesn't get in the way for you. I just want to find out what the situation is now. I just can't take the heartache every month anymore .

How has this week been for you? Are you feeling any better?x