Terrified of being pregnant(7 Posts)
OH and I have been talking for a couple of years about starting a family. We're in a steady solid relationship, and making our 2-some a 3 would be amazing. He'd be an amazing Dad, and I think fondly, if not longingly, about being a mum.
The problem is I'm terrified. The thought of actively trying to fall pregnant, let alone actually being pregnant, gives me something like panic attacks. I get so anxious about taking my pill on time its almost like being addicted to a drug. The couple of times I have come off it have been horrible, desperately trying to find alternative contraception OH wouldn't know about, and ended up with me begging OH to let me go back on it. The one occasion there was a chance I could be pregnant (despite several -ve tests and a history of irregular cycles) I didn't sleep for a week until AF started, and I spent the sleepless nights looking up ways of bringing on a period. It was simply the worst week of my life.
Its not a fear of childbirth, although thats an element of it (again not knowing what to expect rather than a concern about my pain threshold). I'm scared more of trying to get pregnant, and finding out I am, and trying to deals with the physical and emotional side of that. It's having no idea what to expect. I lap up any information I can find, TV, on the web, books, but I cannot relate to the happy women they talk about. I'm not close enough to any of my female friends with kids to ask them about it.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
I'm so scared I'm going to lose OH over this, but I'm too scared to tell him how I feel, that he'll think I'm a freak. I don't feel I can talk to anyone about this, I'm almost ashamed. I sometimes wish I could just wake up one morning and be pregnant, then I'd just have to deal with it. I'm sure when I hold a LO in my arms, I'll melt, but I've got to get that far first!
Has anyone else experienced this paralyzing fear, and is there anyway I can get over it?
It sounds like you need proper help, counseling and maybe CBT. Talking to your partner and your GP about your anxiety would be a good start.
I agree with the advice of the other posters. I think you need to talk these fears through with a professional.
Remember that pregnancy is a very natural experience. Women have been pregnant since time began. It's a very normal process. But it can have a huge amount of anxiety surrounding it. So please open up to your partner and your GP about how deeply this is affecting you.
I'm in the same situation, I have had severe Tokophobia since I was a child and feel pretty much the same way you do and posted an almost identical thread a couple of weeks ago.
If you want to message me we could buddy up and chat if easier than discussing on a public thread?
Speaking to your GP is excellent advice but your phrase 'me begging OH to let me go back on it(pill)' is worrying.
I think everyone is pot on about speaking to your GP and chatting with your other half so they know exactly how you feel about everything.
My concerns and worries about being pregnant is that I'm a complete control freak and the idea that something was outside of my control did not sit easy with me at all. That was my thinking on all of it but it sounds for you as if there's a genuine fear and therefore that needs to be explored.
Its not good to be anxious and having sleepless nights about it. It may just be a mental hurdle that you will cross in time.
Chat with your OH and a doctor if being pregnant is something you want. Its not for everyone xxx
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