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Can you have Ivf if partner has a child he doesn't see?

(22 Posts)
Wishing123 Thu 11-Jun-15 20:57:07

I feel like crying everyone I see a baby coz I really want one of my own..ive had 3 miscarriages with a previous relationship but now been ttc 13 months now and nothing..were having tests and I'm booked in on Thursday for hycosy test! If we did have to have IVF would we be refused coz my fella has a child that was from a one night stand?

sizethree Thu 11-Jun-15 21:07:58

Hi wishing, I'm so sorry you're in this sad and stressful situation, and for your losses. Miscarriage is so heartbreaking.
As far as I'm aware, if one of you already has a child, then yiu as a couple are not entitled to free NHS IVF treatment.
Also, from personal experience as a recurrent miscarrier too, I've been informed that IVF doesn't help at all with recurrent miscarriages.
Have you had the recurrent miscarrige blood tests to find out if there is an underlying reason behind your losses?
Have you also tried using ovulayion predictor kits to help conceive? Between my first and second miscarriage of took me 9 months to conceive again. But after my 2nd loss I tried the OPK and fell pregnant the first month.
I hope this post hasn't been upsetting. I just wanted to try to offer some advice as I've been where you are.

Wishing123 Thu 11-Jun-15 21:21:54

Thanks for your reply..I'm really upset what am I meant to do if I can only have IVF but not entitled to it..I cnt through my whole life without kids..I'm 28 and I need a baby so bad it hurts..I have tears rollin down my cheeks as I'm writing this! I love my fiance so much! I had bloods done to see when I ovulate and then there's the hycosy on Thursday and I get the results from all that on 10th July. My df had a SA and he's got everything normal except 1% morphology so I'm thinking that's why I haven't even caught yet

SinceYesterday Thu 11-Jun-15 21:28:07

Definitely get checked for any blood clotting disorders as this can cause recurrent miscarriage and is (relatively) easy to treat.

Wishing123 Thu 11-Jun-15 21:30:46

Wouldn't they already have checked as I've told them about my mcs already. When I saw her the first time the gynaecologist she said to have 3 months worth of bloods to check when I ovulate n the hycosy and the sperm test re done n then I see her again on 10th July

Butterymuffin Thu 11-Jun-15 21:31:12

It's worth getting your fiancé to take vitamin E, selenium and magnesium supplements. This was recommended by our consultant after a diagnosis of possible morphology problems. Three months later I got pregnant.

Wishing123 Thu 11-Jun-15 21:34:18

I've jus started my fiancé on selenium so I will get the other 2 as well thank long was you trying? I'm fed up of people askin if there's any news and I've even had to delete FB coz there's babies and pregnancies everywhere n I cnt stand it sounds really bitter but what have I don't so wrong to not get preganat yet..I'm so upset!

sizethree Thu 11-Jun-15 21:41:48

The recurrent miscarriage tests are very in depth blood analysis to check for all sorts if things that could be causing the losses, such as clotting issues, thyroid issues, and other bits I can't remember. They take several vials of blood (I think it's 8 or so) so you'd definiteky remember having it done. Have you ever been referred to yiur local Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic? That's the best place to be doing these tests Abd offering you support and advice.
Sadly, even if you and your partner were did fulfil the criteria for the NHS IVF, as I said that can't solve the miscarriage issues. I've been there myself.
But there is a lot that can be fine to support you through your next pregnancy. And I know it's little comfort, but age is very much on your dude abd you've been able to conceive. These are both massive bonuses.
Please pop to your GP to talk about your situation and ask for a referral. You'll begin to feel better the more support you get.
I don't know what a Hycosy is, but I had a hysteopingogram to check my Fallopian tubes were working and not blocked and as it flushes them out, it's shown to up the Occitan w of pregnancy in the few months after. Not sure if that's what you are getting but it's a fast and painless procedure.

sizethree Thu 11-Jun-15 21:42:46

Terrible typo sorry. The 'Occitan w' was meant to read 'the occurance of pregnancy...'

Wishing123 Thu 11-Jun-15 21:49:45

It was my go that referred me to the gynaecologist and I told her about my mc's and she didn't really say much else about them she jus said about having these tests done n Ye the hycosy is what you check my Fallopian tubes and they have to out a catheter in n I'm so nervous! I cnt go through life without a child I really couldn't..I dnt know what I would do.. Xx

Wishing123 Thu 11-Jun-15 21:50:17

My gp not go

Wishing123 Thu 11-Jun-15 21:51:16

Oh n I've had an under active thyroid since I was 10 and its under control as I take levothyroxine

sizethree Thu 11-Jun-15 22:10:29

The Hycosy is a really fast procedure. I thought it would be a lot wirse than it was. And it's actually really fascinating to see. They insert the tubes with clear dye inside you and you see it flowing through on the screen. It only lasts about 10 mins and afterwards for a few Hours it feels like crampy period pains. Bit as I said, it can sometimes help with falling pregnant after as makes a clear pathway. Well that's what my consultant said.
Definitely chase your GP because you do need that Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic referral to be equipped with all the best infirmation to help you proceed to have a baby.
And by the way, Facebook can f**k off. I too hot suck of all the smuggo pregnancy announcements and scan pics and so many friends who PPP them out so easily without a care in the world. It's so upsetting.
The best way to feel better is to take charge of what you're able to control, get those vitamins in your partner and get yourself down to the GP.
I know it feels so hopeless at the moment, but things will get better.

Wishing123 Fri 12-Jun-15 07:52:05

Thank you so much. I will ask the gynaecologist when I see her about the recurrent miscarriages. And yes I'm goin to get them vitamins today. I've already made my fella stop smoking and drinking and makin him eat healthy he's lost a stone in weight..I dnt think he likes it deep down lol but if we want a baby so much he has too but he also knows how much it means to me n that's why he's agreed! I've also read about people gettin preg straight away after hycosy so fingers crossed. What's your story? X

sizethree Fri 12-Jun-15 14:29:36

That's gret you're getting everything sorted out.
My story, well it took me a while to find the right man and got married and started trying to conceive at 33. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in 2013, and another 2 in 2014 at 8 then 9 weeks. No underlying health problems came back fr the treats and sadly IT looks like it was just bad luck. I'm currently taking part in the Response medical trial and am very tentatively pregnant again. The trial is for women with unexplained recurrent miscarriage. You need to be under 37 and have a health bmi. And theres a 50/50 chance of getting the medicine or just a placebo. You have to do a daily injection for when you test positive until week 12. I think they are still recruiting if it's something you're interested in. You get great support from the team and extra ultrasound scans.
Sorry, feel like I just made an ad for the trial then!
Hopefully this pregnancy will work out. It's just so terrifying being pregnant after miscarrages. It takes the joy away from it.

Heels99 Fri 12-Jun-15 14:33:05

You can still have Ivf you will need to pay for it yourselves though.

Wishing123 Mon 15-Jun-15 23:00:46

Well congrats on the pregnancy..I will look into that trial..I'm at my hycosy on thursday and I'm dreading it! I really hope everything is ok! I'm scared it's Guna hurt

sizethree Tue 16-Jun-15 03:19:59

It's honestly a really quick procedure. Is describe it as uncomfy rather than painful. And you'll feel a little achey afterwards (and sorry for TMI but the clear liquid they use will trickle out during the rest of the day so remember to bring a pad to wear.)
I fell pregnant the cycling furrcyly after it, avd I've heard from the consultant it's common for it to up the chances so hopefully it will work for you.
Give me a shout if there's anything else you want to know about the procedure. And try not to worry. It'll be over before you know it

Wishing123 Tue 16-Jun-15 08:12:41

I heard you can be more fertile for 3 months after, is that a myth or is it true? N I already have belly ache jus thinking about the pain..must be in my head! I really hope I catch this cycle then! And thanks for your reply! Ive read some horror stories about hycosy

BerniceBroadside Tue 16-Jun-15 08:20:23

Actually, I think you need a referral to the miscarriage clinic. They should also be double checking your thyroid as levels being slightly off can, I believe, cause miscarriage. I can't recall the optimum range though.

Is the baby definitely your partner's? Although him not seeing the child is a potential red flag.

Wishing123 Tue 16-Jun-15 11:49:35

My miscarriages wernt with this partner and the child was from a one night stand and they tried to be together and it didn't work out n she won't let him have any contact so he gave most women who use a child as a weapon so he gave up and I dnt blame him but they had a test too and he's defo the father. We have been trying for 14 months and ive had nothing..he has 1% morphology and since then we have both lost weight and I've got him on all sorts of vitamins and we are eating healthy too.. I dnt know how much more I ca take. Every month it's torture to have af show and another month of not being a mummy! I've been crying all morning while my fella's at work..I feel hopeless

sizethree Tue 16-Jun-15 13:38:51

Wa there are many horror stories about it, that thankfully I only discovered after I'd had the procedure. But I think that after experiencing recurrent miscarriage you can become a it hardened to anything Gynae related. You've been through much worse before. This is like a day out!
Sorry you're struggling today. I know how it feels as the months tick by. But remember you're doing everything you can to help things along.

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