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Sod the elections we want erections! We're hoping our miroids will deposit their seed in our lady gardens, and we'll all end up growing giblets. Come and join us on our magical new bedsheets, it's Jus

(1000 Posts)
Niffertiti Fri 08-May-15 20:06:00

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo
~~~~~~~~~

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 45 is [[ www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2367307-It-is-the-goat-jazz-we-seek-but-the-twee-monitors-have-too-much-opinion-on-getting-between-the-sheets-sexpests-writing-notes-we-may-be-but-at-least-the-bins-go-out-Were-all-praying-our-uterus-won HERE ]]

The current Grads Fred is [[ www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2368193-Wed-rather-have-a-finger-than-a-funnel-whilst-eating-our-bodyweight-in-Raspberry-Magnums-to-ease-the-fanny-daggers-keep-growing-those-babies-viroids-its-JS-Grads-no-27 HERE ]]

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

honeysucklejasmine Fri 08-May-15 20:13:20

Thank you Niff!

pretzelpieces Fri 08-May-15 20:25:56

Just Shagging 46!
Stats sheet!

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 20:34:56

I had the ingredients for a bramble I would totally go gin! As it is the glass of prosecco is doing the trick. Is this going to be frowned upon?!

Niffertiti Fri 08-May-15 20:35:53

Thanks pretz! DH was most unimpressed that I was mning instead of admiring his bangers and mash. Lovely gravy though...

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 20:36:02

Great title niff. Originally typed great tits, snorted prosecco everywhere!

picklethistle Fri 08-May-15 20:37:01

Yes just I'm having a sensible g&t with board games at a friends! GX for Sunday piss party!

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 20:37:06

admiring his bangers and mash grin please be a euphemism

picklethistle Fri 08-May-15 20:38:00

Loving the new Fred title!!

gaggiagirl Fri 08-May-15 20:38:56

A new Fred! Love the title!

honeysucklejasmine Fri 08-May-15 20:39:13

Alcohol?! I want some! I have coke, and rum... That'll do! grin

pretzelpieces Fri 08-May-15 20:39:43

Excellent title niff, and plenty of time for you to admire his meat and two veg eh I'm sorry

This fred is already encouraging me to turn to the booze. A bramble sound delish.

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 20:39:58

That's what I'm doing, except I have friends over for a game. looks suspiciously at friend, is that you? Is it?

MyBlackCat Fri 08-May-15 20:42:27

Feel strangely proud to have contributed to a new thread title - may it bring bfp luck grin

WouldRatherHaveWine Fri 08-May-15 20:46:30

Can't believe you included giblets! If I end up with triplets for real I blame you lot.

I have to share this with you crazy cat ladies because I think it's amazing. Especially 13
naughtycats.viralthread.com/21-asshole-cats-that-are-being-rightly-shamed-for-the-crimes-to-humanity/

I can't update the stats sheet on my phone I don't think?

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 20:48:04

Hope it does too cat! I'm so at the 12dpo fuck it's clearly not happened stage after feeling quite positive through dpo 7-11! I just want to know so I can drink the while bottle of prosecco stomps feet petulantly

MyBlackCat Fri 08-May-15 20:51:05

just I'm 8dpo I think so in the positive phase still... planning a major piss up next weekend if I fail again this month wine

honeysucklejasmine Fri 08-May-15 20:54:57

Just the placenta won't take over until 5 weeks, so you've got another 9 days before you'd need to go teetotal. Have a Nic drink if it's what you want. Certainly TTC makes you want one!

I would LOVE twins. I am a twin. It would be awesome.

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 20:55:25

Love the naughty cats!

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 20:56:56

Lots of twins in my family too, I would love them too! Thanks, eased the guilt! I'm not a massive drinker but do like one on a Friday

honeysucklejasmine Fri 08-May-15 20:59:48

Naughty cats are great! Love it!

jellypi3 Fri 08-May-15 21:01:17

Yay new Fred smile thanks niff

So honey are we icing tomorrow??

honeysucklejasmine Fri 08-May-15 21:01:49

DH would not be impressed with twins I don't think. I would, but I bet the pregnancy would suck!

Go for it Just. I'm about to pour some rum here too.

honeysucklejasmine Fri 08-May-15 21:08:05

Yes we are! Listen up, ovaries!

justtheonethen Fri 08-May-15 21:19:45

Everytime I hear rum my mind does a little .pirate song-yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

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