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Things you learn when TTC for a long time

(26 Posts)
Nigeltufnellover Thu 07-May-15 10:15:51

Hi all, been ttc for 17 months, no joy. Not even a smidge of a BFP.

Started collating a list of stuff you learn while on this 'journey' when I was fed up yesterday. Feel free to add, made me feel a bit better...

1) You will not get pregnant every time you have unprotected sex.
Despite what you thought between the ages of 16-24. Think of the money you could have saved on the morning after pill.

2) You learn a new language.
BFP DTD DPO 2WW and the dreaded AF

3) Everyone will say the wrong thing. All the time.
'Just relax, it'll happen when you least expect it'
'My friend tried xxx and got pregnant straightaway'
'I'm pregnant!'
'Do you want kids? Best not leave it too late'
'I don't even want kids'
'I'm pregnant, we weren't even trying'
'Just relax!'

4)If they're not saying the wrong thing, they're giving you advice.
'Have you tried...'

5)Everyone you know is pregnant. Everyone you see is pregnant.

6) PMS symptoms are almost identical to early pregnancy symptoms
'...Oh my boobs are sore... I'm tired, I'm grumpy. Am I queasy?... Maybe it's..'
'No. It isn't. It's your f***ing period'

7) You will take your temperature. Every morning. At 7.30am. You will record it. You will become a bit obsessive about it.

8) You're on your 10000000th packet of antenatal vitamins.
Those pups ain't cheap neither.

9) You make future plans imagining you'll be pregnant when they happen. Then you aren't.

10) The Daily Mail hates you and your ticking biological clock. But then you are female, so the Daily Mail hates you, period.
(F***ing periods)

11) Once your period was a mild inconvenience. Now it's a monthly existential crisis.

Any I've missed?

bigchangesabound Thu 07-May-15 10:44:07

You get to know your body very well- every little twinge at each point in the month!

MagpieCursedTea Thu 07-May-15 10:51:05

Not only knowing what CM is but becoming obsessed with it.

Forgetting the boundaries of polite conversation when the subject of TTC comes up.

Charting has become your main hobby.

joey38 Thu 07-May-15 16:57:00

You spend ages analysing toilet paper after a wee - is that a brown tinge? Is af starting or is it implantation spotting? Hold it up to the light, then against the white wall. You would never dream of buying coloured toilet paper, because then how would you know??!!!

cremedecacao Sat 09-May-15 20:33:59

^ amazing suggestions- all true!

Some more- learning that non-TTC friends will think you have lost the plot if they learn you are even tracking ovulation. Best not talk about cervical checks, temping and banning DH from turning on his heated seat in the car...

Learning a lot more about semen, especially how to tell it apart from ewcm. I have spent a long time studying this...

Mercedes519 Sat 09-May-15 20:37:25

You realise that in the past you may have said some of the things in the list without even thinking about it and you vow NEVER to say them again.

I never ask if people are going to/want to have kids. I never pass any judgement on people who say they don't want kids (maybe they can't). I never mention the dreaded biological clock.

JessieMcJessie Sun 10-May-15 09:02:39

So true. When you see the word "egg" written down you don't immediately think "poached or scrambled" you think of ovulation and percentage chance of chromosomal abnormality....

Springtimemama Sun 10-May-15 09:08:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pipbin Sun 10-May-15 09:10:07

You actually poke what is on the toilet paper. In some cases pick it up and stretch it. What sane person would do that?

sebsmummy1 Sun 10-May-15 09:12:02

You end up hating your body and if you're really unlucky hating sex too as TTC is a fucking bore.

MrsPCR Sun 10-May-15 16:53:32

I looked at this thinking it was 'advice on silly mistakes not to make' eg. You have to have had sex 3-5 days before ov and most lubes aren't sperm friendly. Instead you have just given me and DH a good giggle as only on cycle 2 and have been secretly doing all these things, especial analysing toilet roll and his sperm between my fingers. Thanks for the white wall tip!

Anyone seen that 'holiday spam' three mobile advert? The one with a collage of about 20 pics? There's one with someone with their finger and thumb an inch apart. The first time I saw that, my first thought was genuinely someone testing their CM before brain kicked in and made me question why that was in an airport.

People don't know we're ttc yet, and best friend announced she was pregnant. My DH warned me not to sound too knowledgable about stuff if I wanted to keep ttc secret. He has a point, I didn't know OPKs existed before January!

Good luck ladies and thanks for the laugh.

Springtimemama Sun 10-May-15 17:18:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwantcandi Sun 10-May-15 18:02:35

Love this! Re-stocking fridge with "fertility foods" and pretending to DH that you wanted to try something new for dinner! grin

TammySwanson Sun 10-May-15 19:08:40

Would also like to add to the 'Everyone you know/see is pregnant':

You throw your cushions at the TV everytime someone on TV gets pregnant because apparently the only time someone on TV gets pregnant is after a one night thing or accidentally. Even bloody Carrie from Homeland! Homeland! You would have thought the one place you'd be safe from TV pregnancy was bloody Homeland. You currently can't see the TV for cushions.

Every bloody advert on the TV is for baby formula or nappies or is that bloody steam washer ad where the lady says 'As a mum I'm very concerned about germs' or something equally stupid.

banterbus Sun 10-May-15 19:14:47

You spend way too much money on amazon buying anything fertility related that has positive reviews. The month I got pregnant (after more than 2 yrs ttc) I bought a particular brand of vitamins and ovulation sticks so maybe that combo worked!

TheSortingCat Sun 10-May-15 19:17:29

You start eating and drinking things in line with your cycle.

CD 1-5 is all pates, soft cheese, and gin.

CD 5-28 is water, lean protein, and veggies.

And it doesn't do a bloody thing other than make you angry

<Disclaimer: I am not this strict all of the time, but it is the latest thing we are trying.>

TammySwanson Sun 10-May-15 19:17:30

Also unless you have a medical reason to take other vitamins, the only one you really should take when TTC is folic acid. I mean, obviously an antenatal vitamin is not going to do you any harm but if money is an issue then you'll find that folic acid on it's own is much cheaper.

TammySwanson Sun 10-May-15 19:19:24

Haha SortingCat that is very familiar. I don't really drink much but my days 1-7 are basically me going on a caffeine bender.

niceandwarm Sun 10-May-15 19:27:55

You tell people you dont wantchildren
Youstay in the same job because of the maternity benefits even though you want to move.

ninetynineonehundred Sun 10-May-15 19:41:46

You put your life plans on hold for years because you are waiting to move onto the next phase (baby) of life.

Baby sex is deeply depressing after a while and can stop altogether.

Relationships suffer.

You can feel a huge amount of shame for being less of a woman.

Springtimemama Mon 11-May-15 07:57:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FortySixandTwo Mon 11-May-15 14:30:46

Yes to all of these smile

I'd also like to add

Going commando seems like a good solution to most hospital appointments as most of the hospital's medical team have had some sort of device up there checking you out.
Perfecting your passive face when people offer well meaning advice. (Have you tried relaxing ?)
Standing on your head after doing the deed doesn't seem at all crazy. (I can now after 2.5 years do a pretty good headstand)

sammylou1 Wed 13-May-15 07:02:03

I love this thread!

Feeling angry with people who bring babies in to the office

Wanting to kill people who complain about how rough pregnancy is

Using fbook less and less because all you see are adverts for clear blue, photos of babies and pregnancy announcements! Xx

Crumbelina Wed 13-May-15 07:40:33

You think that the next new piece of advice will definitely be the one that works (because lots of MNers say it was the thing that got them a bfp).

Oooh ... Clearblue Fertility Monitor, cutting down on alcohol, Dh wearing looser pants, pre-seed, inositol, temperature charting, soft cups, cutting down on caffeine, no artificial sweetners, holding your legs up in the air after DTD ... Didn't work

Some bloody strong fertility drugs. Did work.

Youngoldmum Wed 13-May-15 11:55:30

This is the only thing that has made me smile about TTC in ages. Thanks ladies. I'm 37 and TTC after a 7 year gap. First baby was conceived in a flash...not having that luck this time

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