To TTC or not to TTC(8 Posts)
Bit of a tongue twister title
Looking for some help to make a decision, sorry its so long just thought I needed all the information in. Sorry if this is in the wrong place.
I'm currently in my last year of a degree (I'm 24, started uni late) after which I'm hoping to do my pgce primary education. This will take a year and then I'll have my nqt year and I know it's pretty full on and full time. At the moment I'm in a lovely job mornings only Monday-thursday, they're very accommodating, close knit and flexible, and most people fit it around university or family. It's a small company and the kind of place most people have been there for years and all know eachothers kids etc. I've been there two years, the pay is crap (I'm on track for a promotion in the next few months though which would bring in an extra 150 a month) but I'm happy and stable and good at my job. DP is full time and stable and happy in his job (been there 2yrs) and on track for further progression. I'm also not receiving any student loan/support so not about to get a financial wake-up call when I graduate.
The thing is I'm desperately broody and have been for over a year now. we've not been doing anything about it as we want to be in the best situation for a baby and bring them into a stable home so the plan has been finish degree, finish postgraduate, earn more money THEN ttc. However every day is worse and I'm so desperate for a baby and now I can see an opening...
I'm thinking teaching is so full on, do I really want to wait another three years only to put the baby in childcare immediately (would have only been teaching two years or so, so wouldn't take extra time out) and work 9-5 Monday to Friday? It just doesn't feel like what I want to wait years for. I could take one/two years out now before pgce and after maternity leave I could work my family friendly job mornings four days a week only, granted for a lot less pay. Dp has one weekday off a week so that would be another day not needing childcare sorted. Then once the baby is two or three I could go into pgce. This would still be hard obviously but in the alternative with doing a pgce first and ttc in say three years, I would still need to work full time with an (eg) two year old.
DPs worry is that after taking time out I might not want to go into pgce but tbh I think if I didn't want to I wouldn't, baby or not. Teaching is what I want to do and that's why I'm doing it, I started uni late and have worked hard just to get to this year so if in three years time I still want to do my pgce, I will try my hardest to do it as I am now. But I would still have a degree and still need to work full time whatever it is in, we couldn't afford for me not to.
Also, I just feel like the closer we get the further we would stretch the plan for perfection - 'we've waited three years to ttc so may as well xyz...'.
For extra backstory dp and I have been together 6 years, living together 5 and very happy. He didn't go to uni and we've been supporting ourselves and both working for these 5 years.
I suppose what I'm saying is that we're on track for a lovely future and have a plan but my heart is getting in the way, I still want to be realistic about the whole thing so I'm not letting it take over, but could this be a compromise?
Thanks if you got this far!
Hi ten, sounds as though you have put some serious thought into this already. Just a couple of things for you to add to the mix. You will not be working 9-5 Mon to Fri as a FT primary school teacher. More like 8-8 plus at least half a day on the weekend. Having said that, teaching offers good occupational maternity pay and it is usually easy to find part time teaching roles. So a positive and a negative from me really
Good luck to you with all of it, HTH in some way.
Thanks one I've put a lot of thought into it as it's on my mind so much, I'm so broody and trying to talk myself out of it all the time just to get through the next few years! I do struggle thinking how time-consuming teaching is. I'd love to be able to go straight in full time with no other commitments but that would mean delaying ttc for years and it's so frustrating. We go round in circles, we're thinking that the perfect plan is just too far in the future for us and hoping that when I graduate is a good second best. But maybe it would be too hard on low salaries especially my current
pittance salary compared to ft teachers salary. Aargh!
I had my DD at 19, I have done very well in life with a six figure income. A child would not stop a determined woman
Thanks for replying Mrs it's nice to hear how well you've done. I'd like to think I'd do the same and have the support of a lovely Dp who would be an amazing dad. It's just about deciding to put myself in a situation that might not be perfect rather than making the best of it if it happened. Dp and I both had pretty rough childhoods so maybe we're a bit hung up on security and perfection. Then again I don't want to dismiss logical concerns as overthinking as having a baby is huge obviously
I think you need to go with your gut. I'm very much of the idea that it will never be a right time to have a child as you never know what's around the corner. Teaching is hard (my dh does it and works long long hours), I have long days at my job so my daughter is in nursery from 7:30-5:30 and she does fine.
Children adapt very very well especially when they are little.
I honestly don't think it will make a difference to you if you are determined and the sort of person who will put the effort in to achieve.
Hi Tenn I'm 30 and have been teaching for 8 years. In that time I have been promoted a number of times and now also teach at a top university on their PGCE course.
Obviously anything IS possible if you put your mind to it and never give up, but honestly, what I would say is its not just the workload of doing the PGCE with a young child that you need to seriously consider.... its also the costs associated with the course (many of which are hidden until you are in the midst of it). Obviously you will have the huge course fees. But on top of that there is always a strong possibility of being placed at a school which isnt close to home, so add potentially high travel costs to the mix and the added pressure of long commuting time. You will also be expected to work most evenings and weekends (and will find you need to) to get all of your lesson planning and resource prep done for your lessons each week, on top of your PGCE assignments (which are long and cumbersome at times).
Most of my PGCE students started out with part time jobs; working alongside their uni work and placement. I would say 90% of them have since quit their part time work... it simply isn't sustainable for most! And of the few that do have young children, most have quit the PGCE course before getting to the end (with their course fees still due!).
Its not all doom and gloom. They are a couple who have managed and are now almost at the finish line! However these seem to be the older parents who had some money behind them before they started the course.
My best advice would be, at the very least, to do the PGCE before TTC. See how you find it and then make an informed decision about when would be best to start ttc.
Im going to be a bit different and say, I would probably wait, I have nothing against people having babies young and a lot of people still go on to have amazing careers and lives.
But there is so much to see and do in the world, so many experiences and ways for you to grow as adults and as a couple.
Like you DH and I had been together since I was 18, married at 23 and by 24 I was desperate for a baby. DH wasn't, so we waited. I'm 30 and 7 weeks pg. I am so pleased we waited, yes we would have coped at 24 we both had good jobs, but now we have great careers and more importantly for me so many experiences and memories of just us. We are so much better prepared emotionally now than we would have been.
You have so many years ahead to have children, and I think the fact that you're asking here means you're not dead set on it. Otherwise you'd probably just do it.
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