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It is the goat jazz we seek, but the twee monitors have too much opinion on getting between the sheets, sexpests writing notes we may be, but at least the bins go out! We're all praying our uterus won

(1000 Posts)
lildottie Wed 29-Apr-15 19:11:03

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 44 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

lildottie Wed 29-Apr-15 19:11:47

Fail! Title should be complted as ... won't get it's revenge - it's JS 45!!!

lildottie Wed 29-Apr-15 19:13:10

Name: Lil
Age: 30 (OMG)
DCs: None
TTC: 2.5 years since Nov 12, 1 IVF BFP that ended in MC Feb 15.

lildottie Wed 29-Apr-15 19:13:19

Name: Lil
Age: 30 (OMG)
DCs: None
TTC: 2.5 years since Nov 12, 1 IVF BFP that ended in MC Feb 15.

Ain626 Wed 29-Apr-15 19:24:38

Name: Ain
Age: 27
DCs: None, but a dog pseudo cat
TTC: Since Aug '15

Diagnosed with PCOS and currently waiting on a gynea referral.

WouldRatherHaveWine Wed 29-Apr-15 19:26:12

Name - Wine
Age - 28 (I think)
DCs - DS & 2 fur monsters that think they are dogs
TTC - MC Nov '14, officially back on the horse this cycle!

WouldRatherHaveWine Wed 29-Apr-15 19:27:09

ain giggling at the species confused pets

MyBlackCat Wed 29-Apr-15 19:31:01

Name: MyBlackCat
Age: 33 (shit)
DCs: 1 little black furbaby
TTC: for far too long (Dec 13) MC June 14

Getting my cape on tonight grin

oneyorkshirepud Wed 29-Apr-15 19:37:01

Name: Pud
Age: 29
DCs: Two mentalist furry ones (one who has extra special mental moments on occasion, I'm sure she's got a stash of blue smarties somewhere) and growing a pea sized mini Christmas Pud.

LOVE the Fred title Lil, that makes no sense at all! Maybe it will gets its own Fred about how 'some Fred titles don't make any sense!'

justtheonethen Wed 29-Apr-15 19:38:06

Do we need to do stats now we have la' shiny spreadsheet?

honeysucklejasmine Wed 29-Apr-15 19:39:17

Name: Honey
Age: 28
TTC: Aug 14, mc Sept 14
DC: 2 black fur balls who steal straws and drink my water

5hell Wed 29-Apr-15 19:39:36

Name: 5hell
Age: 34
DCs: None (except dogs and DH)
TTC: since jan 2015, MC apr 2015

Lil i think the title still works, we can hope our uteri win the battle to make us some stickybeans!

gaggiagirl Wed 29-Apr-15 19:44:06

Name: Gaggia
Age: 32
DC: Nearly 4yo DD
TTC: Since July 2014. MC Oct 2014
Currently 17wks upduffed.

jellypi3 Wed 29-Apr-15 19:51:21

Name: Jelly
Age: 25
DC's: none, 2 cats
TTC: 1 year. That's what I'm telling the doctor at least.

Thanks for the Fred lil and great title smile

ga I can't believe you are 17weeks upduffed. That's crazy!!!

CountryGal4 Wed 29-Apr-15 19:56:52

Name: country
Age: 27
Ttc: since jan 15 currently 4dpo of cycle 4
Dc: none two moggies

MyBlackCat Wed 29-Apr-15 19:57:37

Came across this today....

SockQueen Wed 29-Apr-15 19:58:08

Name: Sock
Age: 30
DC: None
TTC since: Oct 2014

Folks, I AM HAVING A PERIOD! After only 103 days!

fallenstar27 Wed 29-Apr-15 19:59:50

Name: Fallen
Age: 25
DCs: None
TTC: March 15

That's how I read it 5hell, the fred title still makes sense even with the end chopped off, you're just that talented lil

Ain626 Wed 29-Apr-15 19:59:59

Ha! cat I actually just saw this about 10 mins ago and it made me lol!

jellypi3 Wed 29-Apr-15 20:00:22

Yay sock smile it's a great feeling isn't it!! Well not literally but the knowledge your uterus is working is fantastic!

New greeting card: congratulations on shedding your uterine lining!

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst Wed 29-Apr-15 20:00:36

Name: sky
Age: 36 dragon
DCs: DD5 and DSD5+3/4 who are both totally crackers
TTC: March 5. Currently 10dpo and symptom spotting like a motherlover certified sexpest.

Great Fred title Lil! Currently erecting shrine to Lovejoy at which to worship

CountryGal4 Wed 29-Apr-15 20:01:41

Woohoo sock

Ain626 Wed 29-Apr-15 20:02:21

Woop woop Sock!!!

On a similar note I still have brownish tinged loo roll when wiping. 9 months now and this is what you give me! Argh. Frustrating. Please give me something more to work with!

jellypi3 Wed 29-Apr-15 20:06:55

ain gx!! I hope she hurrying the fuck up and shows up!!

oneyorkshirepud Wed 29-Apr-15 20:10:08

sock, congratulations on your period!! Ha ha, hope she buggers off soon so you can start shagging.

fallen, genius last post on the last Fred, love it.

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