Feeling incredibly woe is me this morning. Was miserable all day yesterday as well, very grumpy with poor DCW. Still annoyed at comment from step MiL and my inability to make a proper comeback over a poor Skype connection. Pissed off at my mother, as when I called her to sort out something for her yesterday, she (finally) asked when we were seeing the consultant - er, 2 weeks ago, - and then asked what we were going to do - ivf starts tomorrow mum perhaps if you weren't too busy to pick up the phone and ask after me you'd already know this. She hasn't bothered calling since the iui failed, and at that point I just got a text saying 'sorry it didnt work'.
Today's pity party is me feeling like I don't have any close friends round here. It's difficult, because I moved here almost 5 years ago to be with DH. When I first got here I was starting a new job and very busy, but once I'd settled a bit I started trying to make my own social group outside DH's friends (I always think it's important to have your 'own' friends, even if you all hang out together, but that just might be me). However, I did this through running, cycling and mountain biking. With each, I seemed to just get to a point where I knew people's names and was happy going to the pub rather than just on the organised runs/rides when I got pg and stopped going, then it took a while to recover post mc, and I was back to square one. There have been wkds away organised, but they seem to have fallen during each treatment or mc and I couldn't go. The cycling group are pretty hardcore so it's taken ages each time I was injured/pg and mc'ing to get up enough fitness to actually go out on their 'easy' ride (60km with plenty of hills). The mountain bike group are lovely, but the majority have kids and as well as the women only rides they organise family rides which get me upset so I stay away. I haven't run since I injured myself over a year ago in a fell race, so I had to leave the running club. It's not like I'm not trying, but it always seems to be TTC/injury that gets in the way, which is so frustrating. I do get on very well with DH's mates and all their wives/girlfriends, but there have been 9 babies among them since we started TTC and my aversion to spending time with babies unless necessary means I've distanced myself from those I would otherwise have spent time with.
I am being a little ridiculous, my best friend is only half an hour away but she has two kids and is always busy so I don't see her much - maybe once a month. I have a couple of other friends locally that I knew before I moved here, both of whom I meet for dog walks, but it's always me that initiates it, which gets annoying.
I think the bottom line in my hormonal state is that I really want to go to a festival this summer but DH is going away for 4 weeks in the middle of festival season so can't come with me, and I don't have that close group of friends I used to have in my 20's where I could just say 'hey, want to do this?' and there'd be a gang of us going. I miss that. They've all grown up, moved away and had kids, and I'm just sat there crying because I've got no-one to play with....
Wow. The droid landed this morning. Can you tell?
Apologies for the verbal diarrhoea, needed to vent DH left at 7 for a long bike ride, and I've been lying in bed on my own feeling miserable. Fucking hate hormones, I was feeling absolutely fine on Friday!