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thoughts of 3rd baby after birth trauma

(11 Posts)
judesmummyx Tue 10-Feb-15 22:29:53

I don't even know if I'm in the right place but here goes....

Recently I've been thinking about having another child. I already have 2 gorgeous kids (a 5 year old son, and a 3 year old daughter.) I fell pregnant exactly a year to the day of my sons birthday. Overall my pregnancy was better than my sons but I have never had an enjoyable experience being pregnant. I know things could have been a lot worse, but to me, I didn't enjoy it. First pregnancy I suffered with high blood pressure very early on which did end up as preeclampsia. Second pregnancy I was told I had miscarried, which was misdiagnosed, I had horrendous spd, problems with her movements, horrendous heartburn and a toddler to run about after.

When I was taken into hospital to be started off with her, I was already in labour but was told I wasn't as it wasn't showing up on the ctg. wasn't allowed pain relief, wasn't even examined until I had been on the ward for 10 hours when they went to induce me (ward was busy) - when the discovered I was actually in established labour I still had to wait a further 7 hours to get onto labour ward- she was back to back, both of us getting stressed, she was born in the nick of time after 48 hours. She was born blue, not breathing and cold. She was rushed away to be resuscitated and was taken onto the neonatal unit. I'm very fortunate for her still to be here.

After everything that happened I swore I would never have another child in fear of the worst happening. But 3.5 years later, I've changed my mind, and I'm longing for another child. I think the fear is all in my head and won't be taken seriously by professionals if I do fall pregnant. If they did, is there anything they can do to help? Has anyone ever been in this position before? What would you do?

Thanks in advance

Theselittlelightsofmine Tue 10-Feb-15 22:55:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

judesmummyx Tue 10-Feb-15 22:59:56

home birth isnt an option as i have congenital heart disease making me instantly high risk, the next closest hospital is 25 miles away by car- the hospital i use is 1 mile away (i can actually see it from my house)

dinoswore Tue 10-Feb-15 23:02:55

That sounds like an awful experience. So scary.

Two things spring to mind:

1. Have you ever considered a debrief from your 2nd birth? Contact the head midwife at the hospital you gave birth at and ask for one. They will meet with you, with all your birth notes there for you to see, so you can talk about what happened and ask any questions you might have. Some people find this a useful step towards dealing with the trauma.

2. Consider hiring a doula for a third birth. I did this for my 2nd birth after a traumatic 1st birth. The doula will be your advocate in hospital if you feel the staff aren't listening to you and support you and your partner through the whole experience (including preparing for the birth weeks in advance) in a hundred little ways. Mine, for one small example, brought me some earplugs and a cushion into hospital while I was waiting for labour to start, just so I could get some much needed sleep. Just knowing that someone was thinking of my needs in such a thoughtful and practical way was a massive comfort and boost.

Best of luck OP.

judesmummyx Tue 10-Feb-15 23:08:11

thanks dino for your reply, it was awful and totally scared me out of ever having anymore but as i said now i think differently.

firstly i had no idea i could do a debrief- this is something i think would be helpful. ive never really spoken to anyone professional about it, have always just got on with it.

secondly, your doula sounds amazing, i think this is something i would also look into. anything to help as i am terrified about having another. i even contemplated asking for a section if i had another but i know after 2 natural births this isnt something i would want to do especially as my body knows what its doing.

dinoswore Tue 10-Feb-15 23:16:47

You know, the ridiculous thing is that my doula actually missed the birth - it happened too quickly in the end so she couldn't get there in time (my partner missed it too sad). But she still made such a difference to the whole experience with the preparations etc.

Another (more expensive) option is hiring an independent midwife.

judesmummyx Tue 10-Feb-15 23:19:38

aw what a nightmare that must have been sad im glad she helped with the preparations though. my friend is actually a midwife and I would be happy for her to deliver but im unsure how that would work with the hospital. I looked into a birth debrief also but it looks like my nhs doesnt supply it (unsurprisingly) but i have emailed the FOI officer asking how i would go about looking at the notes from the birth, in hope that this would help a little.

dinoswore Wed 11-Feb-15 00:02:31 for more info about Douglas.

dinoswore Wed 11-Feb-15 00:04:44

Haha, I've no idea who Douglas is! Doulas, obviously. Stupid autocorrect!

dinoswore Wed 11-Feb-15 00:08:13

And this one for independent midwives. They can attend a hospital birth apparently. Not sure about your friend though - she might need to have some special insurance or be a member of imuk or something. Worth finding out though.

judesmummyx Wed 11-Feb-15 10:09:38

Thanks for all the information- im definatly going to look into a doula if i have another- had a look at the independant midwifes - although it's something I would love- it's not something I could afford unfortunately!

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