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Advice needed - when is best to conceive?

(12 Posts)
FutureMrsB Sun 25-Jan-15 11:14:13


I am new to this forum and this is my first post, so please bear with me!

I am looking for any thoughts people might have around when is best to try for a baby / have unprotected sex. I am sorry, this is quite personal, but may relate to many of you.

I am getting married in April, I will be 34 in May and my fiance is 39. We were originally going to have our honeymoon in November so we could go to India, but we agreed to bring it forward to June so that we could try to conceive earlier. I know 34 is not very old, but I am so scared of any potential risks to a baby.

I am on the pill and I have read that you need to leave it a while to get it out of your system - does anyone know how long for?

So by the time we have had our honeymoon in June (it would really unfair to come off the pill before then and ban sex on our honeymoon), then left time for the pill to wear off, assuming we conceive within the next couple of months, I would be giving birth in summer. I am really worried about my child being amongst the youngest in their year, as they won't have had as long to develop before being thrown in with older kids, they'll mature later than their peers, be the last to learn to drive etc etc. I suffered enough being born in May.

I am wondering if I should come off the pill in April, then start having sex again in June, and possibly conceive on the honeymoon? We are going to the Carribean - would that be safe, even if I am only a couple of weeks, in case I eat or drink something dodgy and sit on a plane for 10 hours?

I hope you don't all think I am crazy for thinking like this. Having a child is such a major thing and I want to get everything right for this new human being.

I just need some advice and reasurance from people who are / have been in this dilemma.

Thank you


Jcandy Sun 25-Jan-15 11:33:37

Non of what you said can really be planned. If you want to stop your pill after your honeymoon then do that. For some people it can be out their system straight away for others it takes months. You won't know until you try.

As for when you'll get pregnant again it can be straight away or it might take years. There is no way to predict what will happen.

At the end of the day it's completely up to you! If there's a particular time of year you don't want to give birth then avoid it but be prepared for your journey to take much longer! There'll never be a perfect time and there are so many "who knows". My advice is just enjoy making a baby and try not to set any time limits on yourself smile

Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

sizethree Sun 25-Jan-15 12:10:36

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, such an exciting time!
I think it's great you are putting a lot of thought and planning into the best time to conceive, but as Jcandy said in her post, these things no matter what the best intentions are, cannot be planned.
I'm a big planner too, so can really relate.
I got married in May 2013 at the age of 33. I came off my contraception pill a few months before to regulate hormones, and we used condoms as protection. I was so focussed on fitting into my dress and being able to have a couple of glasses of champagne on my wedding day, then falling pregnant on our honeymoon.
It took us 4 months to conceive. Sadly I'm still without a baby as we've gone on to have 3 miscarriages. I don't want to be all doom and gloomy or scare you at all, but my point is, it's not healthy to lock yourself into a plan. Just be open to the possibility that things may take a bit more time than you expected and the road may not be as smooth. However, there are always wonderful stories of honeymoon babies and a few of my friends little ones are proof of that.
Be gentle with yourself and I very much wish you a smooth, easy and uneventful journey to motherhood. X

surferchic41212 Sun 25-Jan-15 13:42:05

Congrats on wedding! How exciting! I would say that come off the pill sooner, as it may take time for your periods to get back into a steady cycle. Mine took a few months to regulate.. Meanwhile we used condoms, which was fine.. As for the honeymoon/travelling etc.. We conceived our little girl while I was training for a triathlon, and we took a couple of weeks out to do some ski instructing.. I was super relaxed and when we were trying I didn't get hammered, but I wasn't avoiding it altogether. We just had loads of sex and had fun.. As to the time of year.. I would honestly say just see how it goes.

In an ideal world you'd get used to your cycles and look out for the signs of ovulation for a couple of months, then get preg straight away, but that kinda pressure is tough, and it can take a bit of time..

So enjoy the honeymoon.. Don't not have sex! Settle into your natural cycle then have loads of fun. Oh, and we used conceive plus..

willitbe Mon 26-Jan-15 16:42:36

Congrats on the upcoming wedding.

I would agree with everything that everyone has said:
You can't be that precise in timings, it is normal for any couple for it to take 6 months to conceive. Add in the pill aspect and this can increase the expected time to conception too.

I got married at 34, but we decided to wait a few months after the wedding before ttc to give ourselves some time together as a married couple first.

TTC can be stressful as can getting married, so combining the two can double the stress. Coming of the pill can mess up the hormones and you will start experiencing hormonal changes during your cycle that you have not for a while, this in itself can be difficult without ttc on top.

Whether you stop the pill before or after the wedding is a personal decision, I preferred to be on honeymoon enjoying all the fun, but as it turned out I was sick and so the pill was not effective, we messed about with condoms as we were not ttc, but if a honeymoon baby had occurred it would not have been bad either.

When I did finally come off the pill we were travelling to Australia and the hormone shift and being away from home was interesting!

When we stopped the pill we started ttc straight away, and it took 4 months, I had my first child just aged 35. I had my second at 36. I started having issues conceiving at age 40.

Out of curiosity why would you ban sex if you came off the pill before going on honeymoon, you can have sex while pregnant still if that is what you are referring to????

The pill can take up to three months to be out of your system, but some say that it is possible that you are more fertile during those months....

As for risks in early pregnancy.... in the first few weeks the placenta has not taken over, so there are few risks. Miscarriage may occur for genetic reasons, but very little will shift a good egg. As a recurrent miscarriage sufferer I have looked into causes. Sitting on a plane for many hours during pregnancy puts you at risk of a clot, but you can use compression stockings and try to walk around and move your legs as much as practical.

As for being the youngest in the year - well unless you are going to put off ttc for a few months each year you are trying, there is no other way of getting around this. But at your age, I would say this is the least of your concerns, and you can get around various disadvantages which will not necessarily happen, as it is not all summer born babies that suffer the things you mention, just some.

Please please please try to keep ttc as much fun for as long as you can, stress does not help with ttc or early pregnancy. Try to remember the normal timeframe is 6 months to a year to conceive, it can take a shorter or longer time, but that is the normal length of time.

I hope it all works out fabulously for you what ever you do.

jellypi3 Tue 27-Jan-15 09:46:44

As others have said, you can't plan these things. You could concieve first time round, or you could have trouble and not concieve for months. Most couples take around 6 months to concieve, but there's no knowing how you will be. I guess you could get a full fertility work up for you and your partner (privately, NHS won't do it unless you have been TTC for at least a year). That way you would know if you or your HTB have any problems, but even if you are both fertile, it can still take up to a year on average.

As for youngest in the year, well my DP is an August baby and is the smartest person I know, so I don't buy in to the whole summer baby thing! At the end of the day, after you have been TTC for a certain amount of time, a baby at any time of the year is a blessing.

sizethree Tue 27-Jan-15 09:54:41

Willitbe very sad to read you're a recurrent miscarrier too, but wanted to add that good eggs can sadly be lost through miscarriage. Due to implantation issues and Ither health factors.

willitbe Tue 27-Jan-15 14:33:59

sizethree - yes you are right (clotting issues etc), thank you for correcting my statement. I was trying to say that normal daily activity is not a cause and does not prevent miscarriage, hence why women can continue with their normal exercise routines etc.

sizethree Tue 27-Jan-15 18:21:37

Hi willitbe, I realise my comment came across as a pop at you. Really didn't intend it that way. I get a bit over sensitive! I lost a perfectly healthy baby for unexplained reasons. But this isn't the thread for that! Best of luck with your TTC journey. flowers

KokoLoko Tue 27-Jan-15 20:23:12

Hi there. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I just wanted to add to all these knowledgeable answers. DS2 was due at the beginning of September, we congratulated ourselves on our perfect timing. He, however, had other ideas and arrived 3 weeks early in mid-August. What I'm saying is that even if you did postpone TTC to avoid the summer months you might still have one then anyway so don't necessarily let that factor in your decision making. DS2 is now 2 and already ahead of his peers in numbers and letters so I'm not worried at all about him.
Good luck with everything!

sleepdodger Tue 27-Jan-15 20:27:24

Came off pill and was pg in a matter of days
Not been on pill for years and still ttc next dc
Don't over plan life, just live it!

FutureMrsB Tue 27-Jan-15 21:11:25

Dear all,

Thank you so much for your messages and advice.

I just want to conceive naturally so I won't be getting hung up on charts and prediction kits. I believe that if a baby is mean to happen it will do, and if it is not then I don't want to force something that is not meant to be.

My biggest fear is not failing to conceive, it is that there will be something wrong with my child, and that they will struggle in life. I had a number of developmental issues as a child, similar to AS. I was bullied all through school and never had any friends. I was almost sent to a school for learning disabilities. I overcame this through a lifetime of determination and now lead a normal life with a good job, lots of friends and a wonderful man. But that anxiety has never, and will never leave me.

I feel that the odds are already stacked against my child as a result, and factoring in my age, the pill, school years - in mitigating one risk I exacerbate another! I'm less concerned about my child strugglig academically as my mum taught me before I went to school and even as a May child I was more advanced than my classmates when I started. It's more about social development and self-esteem.

Incidentally the pill - I read in a book that the pill can affect levels of female hormones in boys. I just don't want to make their lives any more difficult! I'm a bit confused about the pill thing, so I think I will ask advice of someone professional.

I do forget that it can take time to get pregnant - literally all my friends were pregnant within a couple of months - or unplanned! And my mum conceived me the very first time.

Having said that - sizethree I was very sad to read your post, and it made me want to cry, especially as what you said was so lovely. I wish you the very best and hope your baby dreams come true. xxxx

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