Best time to ttc??

[Bebebuttons94]

Hi I was just wondering what all your opinions on the best time to have a baby is and when is it too soon?

My situation - I'm 20 at the moment, finishing off a college course and working part time on a postnatal ward as a care assistant. I've been with my fiance 3 years. He's currently finishing off his carpentry apprenticeship, working full time and will soon be on a good wage by end of the year. We're both living with my parents atm, but we're on the waiting list for a council flat, (he's been in foster care, so entitled to one till he's 21), he's 20 at the moment, which we're getting in next few months.

I was planning on going to university to study Midwifery, but after all my uni choices but one have declined me and the last one, I haven't heard anything from yet and is notoriously hard to get into, I've started exploring other options. Basically I'm not interested in re-applying if I don't get in this year as I'm reluctant to start a 3 year degree, when I haven't had one month break out of full time education since I left school and I really just want to get on with my life now ie. having kids. We're planning to get married either autumn this year or spring next and I'm wanting to ttc baby #1 as soon as we're married and settled in the flat. Making us 22 by the time the baby comes, married, been together for 5 years, earning a good income. Is this too soon to have a baby? I feel like a lot of people would look down on me for not going to university and having a family young, but it's all I can think about it. It's all I've ever wanted, so much more than a career and I finally feel in a place (next year) where I start a family. Thoughts please??

[rachelrawrrr]

hello

I'm 20 too, nearly been with my OH for 3 years and we're living together.
I'm currently at college and I have the option to go to university this year, luckily mine is only a part time course which I could do if I were to have a child.

my advice is, don't stress about it! Don't worry about what people will think, because at the end of the day, you're in a happy, loving relationship, you're being sensible about money and a place to live and after all of that, you still have the option to go to university later on in life!
I haven't told anyone in real life that we're trying, because I've feared the same, but at the end of the day, if it's what you want and what makes you happy, then just perfectly fine

good luck with ttc!

[Bebebuttons94]

rachelrawrrr thankyou for your reassurance, sounds like you're in a similar position to me. I've always been desperate for a baby, I'm such a maternal person and I've worked with women after they've given birth supporting them with breastfeeding etc. for years and I feel like it's my turn now. I don't feel ready to go onto a 3 year degree, with stress, more education and longer before I can have my own, but I am open to it in 10 years time when I've been through it all myself, have more motivation and experience and maturity. But right now I just feel like slowing down, reducing my work load, doing more hobbies, settling into our new home and starting a family while I'm young and ripe lol. But I feel like my mum especially will be disappointed if I don't become a midwife straight away and have children instead (even though she gave up nursing to stay at home with her now husband lol) Do you think you ever shake your mothers voice from inside your head lol

[rachelrawrrr]

we do sound like we're in a very similar position!
I've already slowed down and we're quite "boring" for people our age haha
I am worried about what my parents will say, but then I tell myself that my parents never did any form of higher education and at our age, my mum was married with a 2 year old... so she can't really say much about it!
I do worry that I'll be undermined and they'll think I won't know what I'm doing or that I won't be able to cope.. but we know personally that we've got these strong maternal instincts, so if they do say anything, it'll be best to just prove them wrong!

[kbbeanie]

I had my ds at 21 although i wouldnt change him for the world if i was to do it all again i would have waited.
Nothing that anyone says can ever prepare you for how hard it is being a mother...i didnt believe anyone until he got to 2 year old and its bloody difficult. Enjoy having money and a few care free years as a couple first

[kbbeanie]

And as for reducing the workload lol id go back to school and do a degree and work full time and it would be a heck of a less workload and forget hobbies lol. Sorry but just want to be honest

[DizzyNorthernBird]

I'm 35 and I'm just ttc #1 now.

You're so young still, you've got years and years ahead of you yet! You've set your sights on a vocation and I would say go for it now. As kbbeanie says, you'll be so busy after having a child your career will be put completely on the back burner and it could be years before you get the opportunity to study.

Your twenties are when adulthood really gets going and you have the means to fulfil your ambitions. It won't be as easy with a small child in tow. I can understand wanting a break from education, but uni isn't like school, most would describe it as the best time of their lives.

I would say enjoy your youth and freedom, you've got plenty of time to settle down. Whatever you decide though, good luck!

[Bumpingalong84]

Hi i'm 31 and ttc#1 with my husband, we have been together over 9years married 2 and still feel too young to be parents. Going to uni was most definitely amazing, it opened up so many doors and I am a nurse and so proud of my self for pushing through. I wanted a baby so bad in my early 20s and thought I could deal with it! However I'm so glad we waited, I'd advise to give it a few years, go on some nice holidays, settle in a job! Good luck either way.

[Lauramum23]

In your heart you know what you want, I had my first at 20 got married had second at 22 and 3rd at 26! And now at 32 I want 1 more! My husband is 8 years older than me tho so he was ready and had a good job we bought a house and I settled into it and loved being a mum! I did do hairdressing tho so I always have that to fall back on and did a few hours with the first 2 children however with the 3rd I just wanted to focus on them as I was so busy! I do think it would be absolutely fantastic if you could get your midwifery done tho as you can do that till you retire lol and it's a good steady job, you have still got plenty of time for kiddies anyway and just think 5 years down the line you would be qualified and still very much young enough to start trying for a family, good luck whatever you decide x