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DH giving the green light - advice please

(11 Posts)
nightandthelight Fri 09-Jan-15 08:31:23

Hello. The drama of mine and DH's decision to ttc has been played out across several threads on here but for those who haven't seen it will do a quick recap.

I have wanted to TTC since we got married just over a year ago but things weren't right then, we didn't have permanent jobs, I was doing an MSc etc. That all got sorted out in September and in October DH said that once I had the all clear from Cardiology we could TTC.

I got the all clear in December so we were going to start in January but at the last mo DH pulled out and said that he wanted to wait till the summer. I agreed to this because I want him to be ready but I obviously found it quite difficult.

Since then DH has increasingly talked about children in a positive life and even got a bit soppy about them. He has picked out names for them and of his own initiative asked if we could sit down and work out the finances of it all which we did and they were fine.

Anyway last night we were talking about finances again. DH grew up in quite a financially insecure family so wants to give his children a better life. However he admitted last night that if we wait for that it will probably never happy because there could always be more money.

He also started talking about the benefits of having children younger in terms of being more fit and active for them but also still being quite young when they leave home and still able to go on exciting holidays etc. He therefore said that we could go ahead now.

I did tell him to sleep on it which he did but he is still saying yes this morning. My MIL says that I am over thinking things and that men don't usually get properly into parenthood until they are actually holding their child and that I should take this as the green light to go for it. I was just wondering what others thought? Is agreement enough or should I be waiting until he is as keen as me? Do guys ever reach that point?

BrixtonBunny Fri 09-Jan-15 08:35:16

My DP was quite nervous about TTC, but decided one day we should go for it (like you I was very keen) and as soon as we started trying he was just as keen - think the most uncertain part was making the decision to do it! I'm now 27 weeks pregnant as he is as delighted as I am, and can't wait to be a daddy. Good luck! smile

nightandthelight Fri 09-Jan-15 08:39:16

Thanks Brixton smile Good to hear that nerves about making that decision aren't just felt by my DH! I know him and I know that once I am actually pregnant he will be excited and the biggest soppiest mess ever. Just want him to be happy.

DizzyNorthernBird Fri 09-Jan-15 08:44:48

Night! Just wanted to say How pleased I am for you that DH is back on board! It sounds like he's really thought things through now, & that sounds like wise words from your MIL, being someone that knows him well. He's said yes so I would get on with it now before he has the chance to overthink things again lol.

Will you be on jan or feb bus? I'm not due bfp until 4th feb now.

nightandthelight Fri 09-Jan-15 08:50:42

Hi Dizzy, thank you smile I just can't believe it which I think is why I am questioning it! Need to just trust that he has thought about it and means what he says which is very exciting smile

Need to get my coil out and af due 19-21 Jan so will be Feb bus, see you there!

MoreBeta Fri 09-Jan-15 08:58:18

My advice is take it easy. It isn't going to happen overnight and don't turn TTC into a chore or some kind of calendar based regime. Your husband is nowhere near being in the same mindset as you on this issue. He thinks it would be nice to have a baby whenever that happens in some future unknown period. To him its still a nebulous concept - but to you its a planned campaign you have been thinking about for some time.

I am a bloke but try and keep it in perspective. Remember your husband is a human not a baby making machine. I look in some horror at TTC threads. I know how difficult it can be as we had IVF but try to keep it light and MAKE IT FUN.

Good luck. smile

nightandthelight Fri 09-Jan-15 09:01:38

Hi MoreBeta, thanks so much for giving me a guy's perspective, it's really helpful smile I definitely don't intend to start charting and using ovulation sticks at the mo, just going to have sex when we want to. DH has said that he is v excited for that bit!

We are both still young so plenty of time before we need to start worrying if it doesn't happen. Now that I have the green light am going to just relax and enjoy and let it happen when it does smile

Number3cometome Fri 09-Jan-15 09:10:01

He sounds like my OH - we decided together to go ahead and now he is thrilled I am pregnant.

I don't think men are ever 'ready' but as long as you have a solid 'ok' from him then he will be fine.

nightandthelight Fri 09-Jan-15 09:12:13

So glad to hear that guys who are a bit nervous get excited once it actually happens smile he has very clearly said yes and I have checked and double checked that he means it and given him time to think about it so hopefully he is ok with it.

MoreBeta Fri 09-Jan-15 10:02:11

"I don't think men are ever 'ready' but as long as you have a solid 'ok' from him then he will be fine."

Yes I definitely agree with that. Until the moment DS1 got plonked in my arms a 'baby' was just an exciting concept right up to that point but I had been 'OK' with the idea for a good number of years.

Its interesting to watch a young male friend going through this experience recently. His wife is now third trimester and having a hell of a time and he is very new man and doing all the right things as far as he can but I can see the reality of it still hasn't dawned on him yet.

nightandthelight Fri 09-Jan-15 10:33:14

Thanks everyone feeling much better now smile have explained to DH that I'm not going to track ovulation or anything and that it will just be us relaxing, having fun and seeing what happens. He seemed happy with that.

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