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Is anyone quite young and worried about people's reactions?

(46 Posts)
rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 17:10:31

Hey all grin I've been dabbling around on here for a while and I need to know if anyone has any concerns about the above?
I'm 20 & OH is 21, it was his decision to ttc but I'm terrified of telling anyone in case they judge us! Anyone else worried about that? or something similar?

mummyneedinganswers Wed 07-Jan-15 19:57:39

I have been in that situation. Dp and I got together when I was 16 he was 21. 3 months later we moved in together as I didn't have gd relationship with my mum. I fell pregnant quite quick but mc soon after. Since that first pregnancy we were adamant on TTC. I had another mc when I was 17 and my mum went nuts but I stuck to myself and was honest with those around me, I told them even tho we were young we lived together we are financially stable, have a gd support network from other people. People just had to learn that it was our decision and there was no talking us out of it. I've had 4 mc in total and am nearly 20. I have had a social worker from I was younger and even she's now happy that we are TTC and she's knows that it wat we want. You need to point out to people its your decision and there are people younger than us who have 1 or 2 kids and cope fine so y shouldnt yoube Allowed to you in a stable relationship xx

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 20:26:27

I'm really sorry about your MCs sad
I'm really relieved to hear you say that you've been in a similar situation though. I haven't really a close relationship with my parents, they have a way of undermining me in everything I do, so I'm terrified they're gonna tell me I can't do it angry

Cnmorgan13 Wed 07-Jan-15 20:27:52

Your certainly brave. I'm 25 and still can't make up my mind wheather dh and I are ready for a baby. You say it was his decision, it is also, equally yours? If you're minds made up, more power to you and to hell with any one else's opinion smile

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 20:34:24

I wouldn't quite use the phrase brave wink
I've wanted children since I was young, I've been waiting for him to mention it, so I didn't scare him off grin when we discussed it, we thought that we didn't know what it "feels" like to be ready, so we're just like "yeah, why not!" grin we're just kind of "go for it and see what happens" people :')
the thought doesn't scare me either, we're not party people, we don't go out drinking or anything, we stay at home either watching box sets, movies or playing games grin

nightandthelight Wed 07-Jan-15 20:39:10

Hi Rachel, I am 26 and scared that my parents will disapprove! My DH is 23 and also worried especially reactions from his male friends who are the same age.

To be fair we haven't started TTC yet (plan is for May). My friend was worried about her parents reaction (she has just had a dd) but they surprised her by being really happy so people might surprise you!

At the end of the day though the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind smile

Cnmorgan13 Wed 07-Jan-15 20:43:22

Lol, oh you are really brave! Jumping in with both feet, I wish we were like that, I dip a toe in and run away lol Sounds a lot like us, even down to the video games ^_~

As the lady said above, the only people who matter are you and your partner.

I think every girl is terrified of telling her mum she's pregnant, no matter the age lol

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 20:44:49

I guess it's a rational thing to think, no matter what age you are :') it's always the "parent" thing isn't it :') haha
I'm worried what my OHs friends will say, not really talked about it with him, but none of them are settled in a long term relationship and happy haha grin

we are ttc, but I've only been off the pill for a month and I'm guessing AF may take a while to appear angry but she needs to get a move on! we're supposed to be going to Barbados with the family next year! so if I'm not PG by July, we won't be able to try until we get back sad

jellypi3 Wed 07-Jan-15 20:45:42

My DP and I are both 24, so not as young as you but still "young people". I really don't care what people think about us TTC because for us it's what we want. We don't drink much or party or go on holidays so we feel we wouldn't be missing out on "young persons experiences". People often comment that we are too young to get married. None of them know we are trying but the same people will comment that having kids before 30 is stupid. But I don't want to be these people so I just ignore them! Your decision, your life. smile

Katie2489 Wed 07-Jan-15 20:46:03

I think as long as you think about it properly and still want to ttc age is not important. Perhaps age is seen as an important factor in parenting capabilities because maybe the older you are the more likely you are to have thought about every aspect. But you as individuals it shouldn't make much difference as long as you know it's what you want, which it sounds like you do. I had DC1 at 24 (which i think is young), and my only slight regret is that I didn't go for it earlier! I was terrified too… but i'm glad we went for it. Good luck.

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 20:46:47

I hate wondering "what if", we met playing xbox (zombiessss)! wink

yeah I think that's what it is :') but at the same time I need to realise that my mum can't say anything, by the time she was my age she was married with a 2 year old grin

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 20:48:41

jelly, that's just like us, we don't do the usual "young people's" stuff

I'm just a general worrier :') this site is amazing for worriers to talk about things grin you're all wonderful grin

BreeVDKamp Wed 07-Jan-15 20:50:43

I am 25 so not young, just average, and was worried what my parents would say!!! grin probably because the first time my mum saw us after we conceived (not that we even knew our surprise baby was on the way then!) she said we were so young and 'couldn't' have children yet!! She only meant beause I'd just started up as self employed a few months before etc.

Everyone was v happy of course! Baby due in May and we'll have been married 3 years in June so not that remarkable.

nightandthelight Wed 07-Jan-15 20:51:26

That's the argument I will use with my family if they object! I was 3 when my mum was my age. To be honest though I think most people are just excited to become grandparents!

I don't think that age matters, what does is maturity. If you spent all your time going out drinking etc then perhaps you wouldn't be ready at your age but it doesn't sound like that is the case for you and your OH smile

BreeVDKamp Wed 07-Jan-15 20:54:35

It's definitely maturity over age. I see so many threads where parents are moaning about their early-20s kids not doing anything with their lives etc..... I just think, that's not beause they're early 20s, it's because they need to get a grip! I've been supporting myself since I was 19, own a flat in London, am self employed, so have that much more real life experience than my friends who went down the uni route. Age is just a number!!

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 20:58:55

bree, congratulations on your pregnancy grin

I'm not so sure my parents want any more grandchildren! well my mums stated they've got enough just now, 4 granddaughters and a grandson! all of which are under 12 grin

I think the main thing I'm worried about is that I'm the youngest and the only daughter. I don't want them freaking out and putting loads of pressure on OH sad

Cnmorgan13 Wed 07-Jan-15 21:00:11

Fellow worrier and zombie xbox fanatic, and possible bump buddies at some point grin ha ha ha

nightandthelight Wed 07-Jan-15 21:02:02

Ah fair enough, my child would be a first grandchild although I am sure your parents are only joking about not wanting any more, bet they will be thrilled really smile

At the end of the day you have to do what is right for you and OH, it's your life and you must live it as you want, life is too short not too!

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 21:03:14

I agree with you guys :') I've always longed to be independent, moved out when I was 16, then shortly after I was 18, I moved 500 miles away on my own grin
I'm planning on going to uni too, but it'll be one day a week so I'll hopefully be able to juggle it all :')

crazykat Wed 07-Jan-15 21:03:41

If you both want to ttc then go for it. You don't have to tell anyone you're trying if you don't want to and there's nothing wrong with having children young. When I was your age I was married with two dcs under two years old.

It's tough having a baby at any age but I don't regret having kids young, I'm 26 now and have four dcs and wouldn't change a thing (though if you ask me that at 3am when one is ill and you might get a different answer grin).

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 21:03:53

Haha grin recently moved over to the dark side and got a ps4 wink

Cnmorgan13 Wed 07-Jan-15 21:05:38

gasp oh the blasphemy! Lol

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 21:07:06

wow Kat, that's great grin we want what you've got! we want a few, all relatively early. I'm a night owl anyway, he can do days and I'll do nights wink

one of the main reasons is that he'd like his grandmother to meet his first born, which I think is absolutely adorable blush

we still own our xbox though! wink

nightandthelight Wed 07-Jan-15 21:09:02

Wow crazy that is really impressive! How old is your DH if you don't mind me asking? I have been ready to TTC for a year now but slowly working on getting DH there. He does seem pretty happy with May (talks positively about having children next year etc) so I am hopeful but it seems so far off!

rachelrawrrr Wed 07-Jan-15 21:14:04

He's just turned 21 :') we're like the same person, it's mad. both completely settled, we act like we've been married for years, despite only being together 2 and a half years :')
we spoke about it at the start of the relationship, he said he wasn't ready and wouldn't be for a long time (which was understandable) so I never mentioned it :') then I ran out of my pill and joked that I "could be pregnant" and he said "well why don't we try? I'd love my gran to meet my kid, and I don't want to be old when they reach adulthood and fly the nest"
that was good enough for me grin

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