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2 years TTC today!

(21 Posts)
Mollusc84 Tue 30-Dec-14 14:42:41

Hello everybody! I'm feeling brave and starting my very first thread!! I'm 30 (31 in two months) and today is the day that I have been TTC for exactly 2 years. I used to talk about it to anyone that would listen. They didn't listen well and just looked at me with pity saying things like "just adopt", "just relax". Therefore, I have totally withdrawn from any form of communication about it even with the DS. He seems uninterested too. I've given up completely and now I just let everyday happen. I want to change my job, travel, save money, but I'm not. I'm thoroughly tired of every aspect of life. If anyone else feels the same way and just wants to vent, please do!!!! This had been the most lonely time of my life and has made me truly regret the choice to have children. I was happy before.

BobsyBoo Tue 30-Dec-14 17:52:25

I've been TTC for 2 years second baby, was desperate for my DD to have a sibling but I've decided to give up now - I'm not saying you should though. I don't have anyone to talk to & my OH is not sympathetic to how I feel.

Good luck.

Lindsay81 Tue 30-Dec-14 18:03:26

You are me exactly Mollusc! Will be 2 years start Jan, for me. The only differences are:

At the end of November, I DID accept a new job and will start early 2015. Great money, big promotion etc but I had been putting it off because of all the ifs and buts re maternity leave, money etc.

We went on that "holiday of a lifetime" last September, which we had also been putting off due to ifs and buts such as what if I'm pregnant for the holiday, shouldn't we be saving the money etc etc

I don't know what changed my mindset around September... DH was already more philosophical about TTC. We got all our tests completed around then and there are no issues on either side. Sadly, I think I've just kind of given up and it's on the back burner for now. However, I am MUCH more positive, nicer to be around and easier going since September this year.

It's easier said than done and don't I know it... But my advice would be to throw away all TTC aids (apart from OH obvs! lol) and make a big change or decision that will give you something new/ different to get your teeth into.

Best wishes for 2015 xoxo

Stoatystoat Tue 30-Dec-14 18:12:21

I hope you can find happiness again, it's so hard. It must feel like a lifetime. I know it doesn't help you, but I know of four people - and that's just that I know of who tried at least that long and who got there. Infact, two of those were trying for five and three years respectively for their first. Both got pregnant very quickly with their second, assuming they weren't particularly fertile. I'm sorry to hear you feel so lonely.

You sound like you have other ambitions though...can you focus on those? And anything that thwarts those plans is a bonus? Win win.

GalindawithaGa Tue 30-Dec-14 18:21:29

Yes I can sympathise, I am on cycle 40. Yes 40!! We start IVF in a few weeks but it has been a very very rough ride over the past 3 and a bit years.

I think the two year onwards stretch is hard because you don't know what's going on but it's too soon for NHS IVF (for us anyway) so you are just in a never ending lonely limbo. Every month you think it will happen for you.

I honestly don't think people who have conceived quickly (less than a year in my book!) can really understand how awful it is and the huge effect it has on your whole life. I have changed as a person and have become bitter and jealous and overwhelmingly sad.

Chin up thanks

Mollusc84 Tue 30-Dec-14 18:35:26

Thanks guys for the responses! @Lindsay81 - I think you're right! I'm sick of making TTC my priority and feeling like I'm stuck in an unhappy job because I'm worrying about maternity! If I'm not getting pregnant anyway then what does it matter! 2015 is going to be about finding a new job and if a baby comes along (which it won't) then that's a bonus.

Mollusc84 Tue 30-Dec-14 18:38:26

@GalindawithaGa - how long did you have to wait for treatment? I've had about 9 months worth of being poked, prodded and probed at the doctor's and now I'm on a 30 week waiting list to see the gynaecologist. I phoned up today and that's increased to a 38 week wait as they are only seeing two women per week!!
It is lonely, I am bitter and I'm cross all the time.

GalindawithaGa Tue 30-Dec-14 18:51:53

Yes I'm pretty cross and grumpy much of the time as well! Suppose I can't put it all down to infertility grin

We went to the GP after 21 months of TTC, we were investigated and no cause found, we were put on the IVF waiting list 7 months later, and the list is 12 months. So from GP to IVF was 19 months. We are in Scotland though, and I think times can vary enormously across the UK.

Mollusc84 Tue 30-Dec-14 19:15:01

Well I'm in Anglesey and I think it's going to be much the same. I wish if gone private before I went to the docs about it in the first place because now I'd have to pay through the roof as it's a 'pre existing condition'. Very frustrating considering age is a huge factor in chances of successful treatment. I have frequently felt I'm being failed and ignored by NHS!! I went to the doctors after 6 month of TTC so it's taken a year and a half to get to this point...of NHS limbo.

Mollusc84 Tue 30-Dec-14 19:17:26

If your cross and grumpy, does it have an affect on your relationship. Sorry for the personal question. I only ask because I feel very strongly that it's getting in the way of a happy marriage. There's less communication, closeness etc and I know it's because he's fine but I'm not.

GalindawithaGa Tue 30-Dec-14 22:12:26

I suppose I don't mind the wait in a way because we are relatively young - started TTC aged 26 and now aged 30 going to get treatment. If I was a but older I would be much more anxious and would have gone private. We've already decided that if the NHS round doesn't work we're going to crack on with private treatment, maybe abroad.

It does affect my relationship, yes, but we are in a good place now. We have had some terrible lows over the past few years, it puts any relationship under huge strain and I know of another couple who were absolutely rock solid who felt cracks appear during their infertility so I imagine it's fairly common to feel that way. There is not just the emotional strain but the effect on your sex life too!

The last while DH and I have turned a corner and we are stronger than ever now - we have a shared goal and we are almost there, that is a great way to unite a couple. We have had some counselling over the years - you should be able to access it through your clinic. Maybe that would be helpful for both of you or just you to go to?

naty1 Tue 30-Dec-14 22:49:52

See how much it is to pay to see gynae or fertility clinic. It may not be too much.
Have you not got any symptoms that would get you referred quicker
Irregular periods
No ovulation on progesterone tests
Thyroid issues
Low sperm counts?

We were lucky there was no nhs waiting list for us. Though tests and paperwork dragged it out like 9m

Mollusc84 Tue 30-Dec-14 23:07:08

@naty1 - I have no symptoms other than no baby. My tests showed my hormones were fine and I'm ovulating properly. My cycle is regular and a good average length. Negative clamydia etc tests. I've had a scan and that showed everything's in the right place, of the right size and no sign of cysts, endometriosis etc. I think the next test might be an HSG test but that will be after seeing the gynaecologist which we can't afford to see privately.

Mollusc84 Tue 30-Dec-14 23:09:44

@GalindawithaGa - I'm glad you are a strong couple after all this! You would think that a mutual struggle would make it easier to connect but I've found the opposite. But maybe that's because he's fine and I'm the one that's got the infertility issue. Maybe I'm just sensitive to it. I feel like I'm letting him down.

emma85x Tue 30-Dec-14 23:18:29

First post: Optimistic with the help of Acupuncture....
I've been off the pill for a year and we haven't really been trying too hard! But I've had really irregular periods since I came off the pill 12 months ago. They've been anywhere between 42-90 days. Dr says I have pcos. Bit of a shock. As soon as I was diagnosed I've started seeing an acupuncturist and he's fab! I've been seeing him for a couple of months and my periods are much more regular plus it makes me feel much better! My husband and I are now really trying with the help of the Ovia app and Clearance ovulation tests. I was wondering if anyone has had success with acupuncture for conception? Thank you! First post over and out! Emma x

Mollusc84 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:05:42

Sorry never tried it but it's on my list now!! However, not sure I'll find an acupuncturist in my neck of the woods (Anglesey). Is it quite expensive?

Mollusc84 Wed 31-Dec-14 00:06:18

Also-you should have a go at reflexology.

emma85x Wed 31-Dec-14 10:32:06

The chap I see specialises in acupuncture for fertility and he charges £40 per hour. His wife is also a reflexologist so it's fab! Highly recommended!! ��

naty1 Wed 31-Dec-14 10:43:54

Some people say ovulation stick might not work with pcos, due to high LH.
I found metformin seemed to help it increased the EWCM.

We had a private appointment at the fertility clinic it was about £200 so not too bad.

victoria401 Wed 31-Dec-14 11:09:33

Hi girls, just reached the 2 year milestone too and due to have IUI next cycle. 9 months of tests have told us nothing is particularly wrong with either of us. We were lucky in a way as our postcode meant no wait at the clinic like some have to endure.

I have been having monthly reflexology for the last 12 months! It hasn't increased my fertility but I find it amazing for stress. I have had some hard times but I am stronger for it now. me and DH have had some tough times too from clinging to each other to yelling for divorce at each other!!

I think if treatment doesn't work I will be OK though. It's given me time to think and to find new hobbies and plan things we will do if we can't have kids. There are other ways to enjoy life :-) Good luck with 2015 everyone!

tigerdog Wed 31-Dec-14 13:29:00

We are also at our 2 year ttc anniversary so I can entirely sympathise. It's a hard road. I'd already waited for 18 months longer than I wanted to before starting ttc, so that we had the family house, the jobs with a good work/life balance, and our 'holiday of a lifetime' before babies was back in September 2012! I was (and still am) so ready, and the years of disappointment that followed have been some of the hardest of my life.

We'll be having IVF in the spring, although we are unexplained after every test under the sun, so I guess anything is still possible!

I don't know what advice to give really mollusc except to say that don't stop doing things for you. Change your job, travel and enjoy yourself. We made an effort to do all these things in 2014 and I feel more of a complete person again. Also, it might be worth considering some private testing if you are able to, as NHS Wales have very long waits for fertility treatment unfortunately.

I start a new job in early 2015 too lindsay and I can't wait. Good luck with yours!

The two things that have helped me most have been acupuncture (lovely lady, very relaxing and supporting) and our rescue dog too who gets the full force of my need to love and nuture!

emma I know a few people who have PCOS for whom acupuncture has worked wonders, so fingers crossed for you!

May 2015 bring us all our babies!

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