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How do you know when you're ready(14 Posts)
So, my husband and I are in our mid 20s. We both have stable jobs, a new home, nice car etc. We were high school sweethearts and married a year and a half ago. We've been living together for over 5 years so are pretty used to each other's quirks etc.
Recently my thoughts have been turning to babies. Now, I am not maternal in the slightest, as is my mother, have puppies not babies, was the motto I've been brought up with. But, on the other hand, it's been on my mind for a while, try a year! It's the reason I stumbled onto mumsnet. I currently have a contraceptive implant which is getting removed end January. I guess my question is the oldie; how do you know when you are ready. In our case, I can't accidentally get pregnant, it would have to be a conscientious decision to either renew the implant or chose not to when the time comes.
My head keeps going in circles, on whether I think we're ready or not (does keeping 2 cats alive count?!). Hubby is pretty onboard with the idea, although slightly terrified by it to. We're going to have a good chat about all the pros/cons closer to the time. I mean, my career is going nowhere but well paid and secure. I would have plenty of support from both sets of grandparents and my husband. We are hermits and don't go out/party much so I wouldn't be 'missing out' but OMG a new life! One that depends on you and doesn't go away for 18+ years! It's one huge leap of faith that you can't take back, how do you make that brave decision to step off the ledge?
I'm not sure there's an answer to this unfortunately! It's down to whether you feel you and your dh could have a baby and raise it properly, giving it everything it needs.
From my own experience, I came off the pill because it was making me unwell, dh (who was dp at the time) and I decided to just see what happened, and ds1 happened much quicker than we ever thought it would! We then HAD to be ready because we were going to have a baby.
It sounds like you're in a good place and in a stable relationship. The question is... Do you want a baby? If the answer is yes, then go for it and good luck!!
There's never the perfect time. You cannot tell if you're ready. Women are different, babies are different, relationships too.
I went into it with no clue, totally unprepared. (though the baby was very much planned). Was totally fine, mostly pretty easy.
You sound like you are in as good a position as anyone could be.
Truthfully I felt photos had started to miss something. Dh felt the same. We just felt it was the right time to try,
It's fine to be daunted or scared you just need to both agree
You sound pretty much exactly like me (right down to the two cats)! DH and I after much discussion have decided to start TTC summer 2015. DH still pretty nervous but getting there slowly.
I have only just reached the point where I am ready (stable job, graduated, married, financially stable etc). Up till a couple of months ago I was still pretty jittery and wondering whether this was the right decision however sitting down with DH and working out the finances etc really helped and now I definitely feel ready. Still nervous (don't think that ever goes away) but more excited than worried.
Perhaps you should see how you feel once you have talked everything over with your DH?
(my first ever mumsnet post...how exciting!)
it took me ages to figure out I was ready (30+, married, dogs, house, job etc) - i'd never been particularly broody, although love other people's kids. then found myself thinking about baby-related stuff more and more (e.g. what would I name a baby etc) and resenting the pill etc. after about a year of this realised I probably actually do want a kid (we'd always said we wouldn't have kids) and had to figure out how to break my change of heart to poor hubby! he's taken it surprisingly well and we'll probably start trying in a couple of weeks.
so I'd say don't over think it - if you think you want one and you're in a reasonable position then you're probably ready
Welcome 5hell! I am pretty new too and am finding that I absolutely love MN, so good to chat to so many like minded people especially as you often can't talk about this stuff IRL.
Good luck with TTC! You will have to let us know when you get your BFP
For us I felt like we would never actually decide that we were ready - so we just decided to go for it seeing as we are 33 now and we would like more than one child. So more of a ticking biological clock I guess! I am not broody but yet really want to get pregnant if that makes sense?! No it doesn't to me either haha. I am terrified of the lack of sleep, the crying, the mess but yet kind of excited by the whole idea as well.
I once read something that said that if everyone waited until they were ready then nobody would ever reproduce!
About 6 months ago I felt this really strong urge like I had to have another. It was something I've longed for since my 3yo was born but there was never really a "right" time. I often have money left at the end of the month now so I'm able to save a bit every month. I actually got my implant removed the year before it was due so we could ttc it was a joint decision. We're now expecting second baby
I thought I was ready but it was such a shock! Nothing prepared me for it! Amazing though and I honestly don't think there is ever a right perfect time.
In a way you'll never be completely ready as it's so different to anything else! You sound more ready than most though. I've just had DS1, am in mid 30s - didn't have the house or car though. In fact I had him prematurely and then landlord tried to kick us out so we moved with a preemie newborn. Anyway...without going wildly off topic even if bits of your life aren't ready you'll be just fine. The very fact you are worrying about it shows you'll be a great mama. Good luck
My MIL keeps telling me that of I wait for DH to be ready then I will be waiting till I'm 90 which is a bit worrying! I think what she is trying to say though is that you can never be completely ready.
She also says that we are over thinking it as we want so many things to be right first and that actually when it comes to it you just step up and deal with the changes that a DC brings.
Very strange essentially being told that I should just force my DH to have a baby by his own mother but I'm guessing she is in the desperate for a grandchild phase!
Thanks for all the kind words. The funny thing is, if it just happened accidentally we would just deal with it. It's the fact that we have to choose that's scary lol I guess we'll see what happens. I've got about a stone and a half to lose before I'm in 'healthy bmi' teratory and I'd like to be there first.
I often wish it would just happen accidentally to take the need for a decision away! Anyway have a very Happy New Year and hopefully 2015 will bring you the answers you need
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