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"Just relax and it'll happen"

(17 Posts)
Cheesymonster Wed 24-Dec-14 15:00:24

Do people say this to you that know you're TTC or that you may be worrying about it? And, is there any truth to it?!

I'm 39, DH is 36 and we are TTC #2. We have a DD who is 2. It took just three months to get pg with her and we've been trying again since April. I know that is not a long time to TTC but I can't help worrying! Mainly my age I think. We totally missed out last month due to DH's work and he wasn't home when I ovulated. So started again this month and am using cheap OPKs. I am on the 2ww and can't test until 2 January. A lot of my friends are pg most with their second and my SIL, after DTD three times, fell pg immediately. I am trying not to obsess but I can't help it!

BobsyBoo Wed 24-Dec-14 18:01:23

Hi Cheesymonster I've been TTC #2 for 2 years, I'm 38 & my DD is 4, she wasn't exactly planned but a nice surprise. My doctor said to relax & enjoy each other which sounds fine in principle but when you've been trying as long as me it's hard to relax & not obsess about it. OPK's can be good but for next cycle I might give them a miss as they do also add pressure.

Everyone who was pg same time as me has had a second some even a third so I find that really hard.

Why don't you join us on the thread 'struggling to conceive #2 after getting pregnant easily first time round' I'm not saying you are struggling but a lot of ladies on there taking a few months to conceive number 2.

Cheesymonster Wed 24-Dec-14 21:12:43

Thanks Bobsy will do flowers

jimijack Wed 24-Dec-14 21:20:47

Oh this infuriated me when people said this to me. I used to fuck off & relax, a tad unreasonable possibly.
9 years later I did just that.
I just thought, fuck it. Got the pill & gave up all hope.
I was 42.

Ds 2 is now in bed awaiting Santa & his 2nd birthday is approaching. It worked, I relaxed & it worked!

DastardlyDachshund Thu 25-Dec-14 18:55:02

I have been ttc since May with no success and increasing stress about it with every passing month. I took November 'off' to relax about it and didn't get back into being on the boards here apart from lurking. I got my BFP on Monday.

Cheesymonster Thu 25-Dec-14 19:09:50

Congratulations Dastardly!! flowers

Cornonthecob Thu 25-Dec-14 19:54:14

Yes, worked for me, plan was to start clomid next cycle, so I relaxed that cycle knowing there was a plan and fell pregnant without ever using the clomid.. Have to add I was super obsessed ttc, diet, supplements galore, reflexology, accupuncture, preseed, follicle tracking the lot so think there just might be something in relaxing!

Happened to my friend (40) also, 2 failed ivf, plan to start another cycle following 2nd failed cycle, she relaxed and has a 8 week old now!

Good luck! Try not to let people telling you to relax wind you up!

spamanderson Thu 25-Dec-14 20:02:03

Sorry but its something I have found myself saying. Dd1 was unplanned (I didn't think I could get pregnant) and dd2 was conceived after a month and a half/2 month break when we literally DTD maybe once! We'd been trying for 9 months prior to that. Was interesting to find out I was pregnant just 1 week before our wedding.
It may seem silly but people aren't saying it to wind you up, there is truth to it as stress can affect your body in so many ways.

DastardlyDachshund Thu 25-Dec-14 23:33:08

Thank you Cheesymonster

Reekypear Thu 25-Dec-14 23:44:42

Well I ttc for 5 years....gave up. Relaxed and it happened. Sorry, but it worked for me.

JapaneseMargaret Fri 26-Dec-14 07:50:24

There is something in it, I'm sure, but it's often not useful to hear, because 'just relaxing' within this particular scenario is neither easy to do, nor easy to fake.

But .... there are many, many stories of people just relaxing, and it happening.

BobsyBoo Fri 26-Dec-14 11:05:26

I know it does make sense which is what my gp said to me when I spoke to her about me not being able to get pregnant, I told her we weren't trying when we conceived DD she said there's your answer give up the opk's & just enjoy each other! which is easier said than done with an OH reluctant to DTD (even though he wants another as much as me). I could just give up trying but it would be giving up completely as we just wouldn't have sex at all. We didn't have a physical relationship after DD was born for about 2 years which was when we decided to try for another so sex has only ever been to TTC, I know that's not great but I'm not wasting time trying to get him to DTD when its not a time I could conceive. When its my fertile time I get stressed enough thinking how I'm going to get him in the mood. So yes I know exactly know where my problem is but not much I can do about it fsad

Cheesymonster Fri 26-Dec-14 11:50:39

Same for us Bobsy. We DTD just to TTC and with DH's shift patterns he's away a lot so I need to rely on OPKs. So we would find it very hard to dtd every other day throughout my cycle, for example. Oh well fingers crossed eh.

hannabethhughes Fri 26-Dec-14 12:35:57

Its easier said than done, for me, ttc has totally taken over any space in my brain for other thoughts! I think I'm most frustrated because both my other boys were happy 'Accidents' both literally being off the pill for a month. After birth of my 2nd I had the implant in, now its been out for a while and its just not happening. Me and my hubby have a good sex life normally anyway and now making sure something is happening around my ovulation days. Yet everytime my period comes I want to punch something. I was 4 days late this time, took a test on Xmas eve which was neg and then came on yesterday! What a kick in the sack on Xmas day. I'm trying not to stress about it but I cant help it. confused

joycep Fri 26-Dec-14 13:01:20

It is very infuriating when people say this. My Gp said it to me after 2 years of trying and she said she didn't know why but many people she referred to the fertility clinic would get pregnant just before their appt. My mother gave up saying it to me after about 3 years of trying. But it is very bizarre how many people do give up and it then happens. I met a woman who had tried for 13 years and had failed ivfs behind her and she said it happened after giving up.
I had got pregnant initially after 2 months of trying. I was 30. That ended and I couldn't get pregnant again. we are unexplained and I have often wondered whether my obsession and worry has been behind 4.5yrs of infertility or is that too simplistic.

BobsyBoo Fri 26-Dec-14 17:54:15

Its difficult isn't it cheesy I'm lucky OH doesn't work away but he's very often tired or doesn't feel well.

Hanna I have a melt down every time AF arrives now, you'd think I'd be used to it after 24 months of her arriving when all I want is a baby. And AF arrived for me yesterday great Christmas present & I seem to remember she arrived just before Christmas last year.

Joyce If they can't find anything wrong it could be obsession worry, both of which are hard not to do, from reading the comments above & also what I've read previously about people giving up then getting pregnant. Good luck flowers

I'm seriously thinking about giving up & being thankful that I've got my DD even though its always been important to me that she has a sibling. I've already decided to stop using opk's & temping & I'm going to give up the folic acid & vitamin b & stop using my fertility app.

Frolicacid Fri 26-Dec-14 17:58:14

For what it's worth, we conceived this November on our 4th cycle of trying. I was worried about not succeeding from the moment we started trying and did temping, opk's and took loads of different supplements. It was also a stressful couple of weeks for us as DH had s cold and I was worried we didn't dtd enough. I was also very busy and stressed at work.
I'm by no means suggesting you don't try to relax, but I think it's important for you to hear from someone who did succeed with stress going on.
Merry Christmas and I hope you get your BFP soon fsmile

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