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Baby without sex?? Urgh

(8 Posts)
IfPandasCan Tue 16-Dec-14 20:30:53

I'm new here - sorry for diving in immediately with far TMI but any advice appreciated please!

I'm 35, with a lovely husband (42) and we both want a baby. The problem is we're just not having enough sex....he has a very low sex drive and would be happy with about once / twice a month sex. He's also got a habit of stopping (not cool) which has lead me to question motivation for a bsby(?!) but he's said it's definitely something he's ready for.

We sort of agreed in principle that I'd use ovulator kits and initiate sex when I'm fertile. Problem is that he's still not in the mood and I might manage to coax once around my fertile period.

Being a nag / baby making machine is the least sexy thing in the world and I'm trying so hard not to make him feel pressured. It's proving difficult to hide frustration and sadness. I've gently suggested sex therapy for us both, or a hormone test for him, but not keen!

Has anyone else had a similar experience please? Any ideas on what to do?

Thanks xxx

IAmLiftzilla Tue 16-Dec-14 21:09:36

I'm really sorry I don't know really. We are stuck in a sex rut, in that I really want sex only round my fertile periods which is off putting for DH. If I had any advice for you it would be to try to just have more sex and not just for baby making. If you can get into less pressurised sexual relations more often it might be better and more successful for you than DH having to perform on demand when needed (as it were, major over exaggeration obvs).

BobsyBoo Tue 16-Dec-14 22:50:02

I'm in a similar position, my OH has a very low sex drive (although he won't admit it) we've been trying for our second for just short of 2 years, every month I feel stressed about how I'm going to get him in the mood, he's often too tired! We only DTD at my fertile time & it's always me that instigates sex never him. It's so frustrating & it really gets me down worst bit is he won't admit he has a problem.

Sorry I've no advice to offer really but hope you work things out & don't have to wait long for your BFP.

IfPandasCan Wed 17-Dec-14 07:12:43

Thanks so much ladies for you kind replies. Sorry to hear about your difficulties here too but glad someone can relate! Hopefully 2015 will be the year for babies for us all.

IAmLiftzilla Thu 18-Dec-14 09:57:21

Have you though of trying artificial insemination? No idea how to make it work but it might be a solution?

Cantbelieveimdoingthisagain Thu 18-Dec-14 10:14:45

Hi, sorry to hear about your troubles ladies.

Have you sat down to and explained the effect that your OH's are having on you? If perhaps you told them that the added stress that you are not going to be able to entice them to perform is perhaps preventing conception? It's kind of making them think that their problem is causing you to have a problem & try to help.

Maybe you could show them all of the other things that you are doing in order to try and conceive - temping, CM monitoring, buying/taking/making OH take vitamins, let alone dealing with the disappointment/heartbreak/emotional rollercoaster of TTC..., show them to perhaps make the effort of getting their leg over a bit more often is a small sacrifice for what you go through.

My period pains were unbearable last month between back ache and cramping - I was doubled over the armchair in pain, actually sobbing.. this was after the introduction of acupuncture which brought on my period. After my OH saw me that way, and I told him that I was happy because something was happening.. he couldn't believe the effort, energy and sacrifices I would make for us to have a baby. He will do what he needs to do now and is more pro-active than what he was.

Fingers crossed for you ladies x

ohlordyplordy Thu 18-Dec-14 10:22:29

Have you considered the 'manual' approach if he doesn't have the energy for full on sex? He could deposit in a softcup with some fertility lube such as conceive plus, which you then insert - I know this has worked for some people

SweetsForMySweet Thu 18-Dec-14 10:30:48

Send your dh to his gp and get his bloods checked and his thyroid function checked, from reading on the ttc boards, it appears to be a common cause of low libido in men. A change in diet and exercise may give him an extra boost and more energy. Could he be afraid of becoming a parent and putting off getting pregnant?

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