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At a crossroads - anyone been there?

(5 Posts)
Twinkletoes007 Fri 12-Dec-14 20:46:47

I'm nearly 31 and have always been very focused on work. In the last year or so I have felt so uncertain about what I want - career is important but then I see so many of my friends with babies and just so happy that I feel that perhaps everything does change (for the better) when you do have a baby and holding out for promotions etc might just be so insignificant in the long run. Has anyone else felt really at a crossroads at this age and not sure whether to take the plunge? If you did feel like this, how did you decide? I have been in my current job just a year which is perhaps another reason why I feel slightly apprehensive about the whole thing. DH would never seek to influence me either way....would almost prefer it if he did! Would be interested to hear whether anyone else has been in this position. xx

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Fri 12-Dec-14 21:03:23

I was in your position and then I got pregnant by accident. I bloody love my DC to death but my career, which is used to love, is over. I went back to work between DC but was fobbed off with a mediocre role which I couldn't bring myself to care about. I'm on mat leave again now after dc2 and I dread returning to work with every bone in my body - it just seems so meaningless and trite (I work in financial services in the city).

I'm going to retrain at some point to do something more worthwhile.

so my advice would be to have children. because they are simply the best thing that happened to me. just be aware of what you might end up sacrificing. I can't help but think that no one on their death bed says "gosh, I wish I spent more time in the office...."

RoseBud2015 Fri 12-Dec-14 21:04:03

Ohhhhh ME!
6 months ago I was absolutely certain that I NEVER wanted to have children and loved my little life with DH, and our amazing holidays abroad far too much. I was also continuing to progress in my career and financially we are very comfortable.
Then in July I turned 30 and everything seemed to change a little in my mind. I can't put my finger on exactly what happened; I think it was a mixture of getting older, having lots of friends around me announcing pregnancies, and suddenly being aware of this deep seated concern that I might miss out on something more precious then foreign travel and promotions..... but my thoughts slowly grew towards wanting a family of our own.
DH already has 2 children from a previous relationship, and he married me on the understanding that I didn't want children. However having broached the subject with him...... it turned out he was feeling exactly the same and wanted us to have a family together too.
I came off the pill in September, and we have actively started ttc this cycle. We still have things that we want to do, places we want to see and goals that we want to achieve but I've realised that, although more difficult, we can still do all those things with a child of our own! Now we are mega excited to get going!!!

Twinkletoes007 Fri 12-Dec-14 21:27:17

Thanks for responding - really reassured to see others have felt like this. I'm a solicitor in London and I suppose part of me is worried about being written off at work. In reality, I guess, and as you say Turtle, once you have children you may have a totally different attitude towards it anyway so perhaps I shouldn't be worrying about this now and should just see what happens if it happens. Good luck Rosebud - hope all works out for you. smile

ShootTheMoon Sat 13-Dec-14 16:12:33

I understand the worry! I put off TTC DC1 because of my career and we've just started TTC#2 after delaying again, also due to my career. I took a year off with DC1 and have to travel overseas with my job every other month or so. It's knackering but my DC is brilliant and my job is going well; I'll have another promotion in summer. I'm actually more focussed, efficient, and driven after having DC.

I do have to compromise and between my travel and DH's we don't have much of a life outside immediate family, but we are happy. I have another 35 years of work, probably, so I will be able to make it up in the long run.

In my case due to wage disparity and DH's busy and unpredictable job (military), I am most definitely the default parent for childcare and illness. But I have friends where the dad has taken the career break or parental leave is shared. Don't assume it's all on you unless you've talked about it!

Good luck smile

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